The modern climate often dictates to how we’re supposed to look. Whether it’s style, body size or cosmetics, a lot of influence and pressure is thrust upon us from a number of factors.
Negative body image refers to an unrealistic view of how someone sees their body. It is seen most commonly in women, but men can also suffer from this. You begin forming a general idea of your body in early childhood. Your body image continues to form as you age and receive feedback from peers, family members etc.
Unfortunately, the feedback isn’t always complimentary and can have a huge impact on our confidence. I’ve always struggled with my weight. I’ve never been as you say “small” and I’ve had my fair share of people make give me unwanted criticism and opinion. Even now I am very self conscious. It takes a lot just for me to take my T shirt off on the beach or out in the garden to sunbathe.
As I’ve previously mentioned, I did suffer from bullying when I was in school and part of that was aimed at my weight. As I got a bit older, I did get in better shape through playing football and other forms of exercise but I’d still feel very bad about myself on almost a daily basis.
I’d self scrutinise myself when looking in front of a mirror, I’d feel like clothes were too tight on me or didn’t look right when in fact they fitted pretty much perfectly. If someone made a slight dig or joke about my weight or what I was eating it was a huge blow to my self confidence.
Even if you don’t mean it, a negative comment about a person’s weight is destroying for me and many others. If you think someone has gained weight don’t mention it to them because trust me they know.
The only person who can do anything about it is the person themselves. Plus at the time, you have no idea what effort they’re putting in to change that. Also, you have no understanding of how that comment could effect them mentally.
It’s had such an effect on me in the past that it’s derailed me off whatever diet or exercise regime that I was on. I’d binge eat, would be in tears and feel even worse about myself. I wouldn’t have the confidence and self belief to tell myself that they can’t tell me what I can and can’t do.
A few years ago my weight issues got to a real bad point. I weighed just over 20 stone and my confidence was pretty much rock bottom. I wouldn’t have photos on nights out with friends unless I was in the background or it was a crowd. More so my health was starting to suffer. It got to the point where I had a friend’s wedding and I had to wear XXL clothes.
Although I enjoyed the wedding, I felt ridiculous. I was out of breath and struggling whilst dancing. At that point I realised I had to do something. A few days later I joined Slimming World and it went on to be a very good decision as I lost over 6 stone in a 10 month period.
My confidence gradually returned and the positive comments and compliments were a massive boost. But even then people were still quick to criticise me. I’d get comments like “you’ve lost too much weight” or “you’ve got really cocky since losing it”. Even at one point a so called “friend” who I no longer bother with would say I still need to lose a bit more and would still make jibes about my weight.
All of this would would feel like a punch to the gut. My confidence would plummet and I’d feel like I was 20 stone again. I’d binge eat again or if I was out I’d drink a lot to “numb the pain”. Essentially it was a case of putting on “the front” when I was around people as I didn’t want to show that these comments and my insecurities was getting to me.
Unfortunately over the past few years I have gained a bit more weight but I have and always will have the will power to not get as heavy as I was before. More so for my health but also I didn’t want my family to worry about me like that again. The weight gain is connected slightly to my anxiety and depression as for long periods I would stay in, eat junk food and wouldn’t exercise or be active in other ways.
Gladly, as I’ve explained in previous posts, I make sure I walk or run on a daily basis. I would like to lose a bit more weight but I know that is my decision and only I can change that.
I’ve also cut out the negative influences in my life so the so called “friends” who’d dent my confidence and body shame me are no longer part of my life and I’m so glad I did cut them out.
A true friend wouldn’t shame you. Maybe they’d offer a bit of constructive advice in private if they were concerned with your health and well being but they wouldn’t make fun of you in front of others. Plus they wouldn’t force their ideas of what you should look like.
The same goes for the media. You see plenty of tabloid newspapers and magazines shame celebrities who’re out and about with no make up or aren’t their idea of “perfect body type”. It’s a disgusting ideology which is common these days.
Fortunately there are a number of high profile celebrities like the singer Lizzo, who promotes her body image and encourages us to appreciate who we are. She’s even criticised the media for continuously focusing on her body stating that it’s “not a trend”. She’s accepted her body dysmorphia and is hoping to evolve the perceptions of it.
Body shaming is humiliating, often with painful, long term consequences. It mocks and stigmatises it’s victims, tearing down a person’s self respect and further pushing the harmful idea that our unique physical appearances should be compared to airbrushed notions of “perfection”. If you want to make changes, do it for yourself because you want to, not because someone else is pushing you.
While body shaming, in itself, is not a crime, there are circumstances in which invading someone’s privacy to accomplish a goal of shaming them can be. At the end of the days we shouldn’t tolerate that.
Look no further than Donald Trump. He is on record for making disgusting remarks about women and their looks. It wasn’t just during his political career. Throughout much of his public life Trump has expressed criticism for women solely based on their physical appearances.
For decades the media has pushed edited and airbrushed images of how Male and female bodies should look. This includes movies, television, and print. Social media is equally as guilty. People are using body shaming as a way of disagreeing with a person’s view in a tweet or comment.
We are learning the language of body shaming via the mass media content we see on a daily basis. A teenager is seeing a tsunami of “perfect” body images through their social media feeds. In addition, people comment on these images, sometimes in disparaging and dismissive tones.
The sooner more action is taken against these trolls and especially people in high profile positions the better. At the end of the day it’s harassment and bullying which of course will have a huge impact on a person’s mental well being.
However, It can take only one person to look at the abuse that body shamers give to realise that this is not ok. There are consequences and you see more action taken by social media sites via their standards and practices teams. Accounts can be suspended, legal action can be taken and to an extent, arrests can even be made.
The whole aim of this blog post is to help promote the whole idea is to love who you are and only you have the decision and idea to make any changes. From the examples I’ve given, if you see any comparisons I hope you realise that this these people are not helping you.
Body shaming is wrong, simple as. The more people who realise this and band together to fight this problem the better it will be for all of us. I hope that eventually this will be a thing of the past and that media platforms will take much more careful and realistic approach to their models and articles.
Thank you once again for reading this week’s blog post. The topic is something very close to home for me and I’m sure a lot of people can relate as this isn’t just a physical issue, it’s just as importantly a mental issue.
Stay positive, fight against the bullies and remember you’re a much better person than they will ever be.
Kind regards, take care and until next time, see you later.
MIND OVER NOISE 