This week, I’m posting another interview with a person sharing their stories and opinions regarding mental health. The person in question is my good friend, Davzie Matthews.
Over the past 18 months, Davzie has helped raise money for the mental health organisation MIND by taking part in charity boxing matches. He’s also been one of the most laid back, generous and understanding people I’ve ever met who’s always gone out of his way to help others.
In this interview, he explains what led him to decide that he wanted to help raise awareness for mental health, explains what helps him stay so calm and also tells me why he thinks mental health should always be a very important talking point.
What encouraged you to start raising money for MIND?
Over the years between myself and my wife Cath, we’ve raised money for many charities but I know a few people who’ve suffered with mental health. One in particular is my mother. She was ill for a long period whilst I was growing up and it was hard to see her in such a bad place.
I kept that in my thoughts and when I came across MIND, I found out about all of the fantastic work they do, and mental health is such a tough subject for a lot of people. I wish people found it a lot easier for talk about their problems and MIND offers that outcome through their support.
I felt further encouraged to work with MIND because I feel a lot of people will get a better understanding that a lot of us go through daily struggles, heartache and we can accept it but also get the right help so we can recover from this.
The more exposure these types of organisations get, the more assistance people can have when they need it the most. Getting these types of issues off your chest must feel like a massive weight has been lifted and that’s a huge step on the road to recovery.
In what ways has being involved with the charity helped you understand mental health in a better capacity?
When I started training for the events, a few of the fellow competitors shared their own individual stories about their own troubles. There was one guy in particular who really surprised me with his story. I’ve known him on and off over the years and found him to be a pretty confident, athletic guy.
However, he opened up about his battles and I was shocked as I never thought he’d go through stuff like that. It proves to show that no matter who you are, we all have our bad times hence as to why he was taking part.
Initially I thought of it as a competitive atmosphere but I slowly understood that a lot of these guys were or had been in some very tough places. The more I became involved, the more I understood why this is and should be seen as very important issue.
Seeing these guys open up gave me a better insight into men’s mental health and how difficult they found it was to open up. It motivated me because I know people who weren’t as confident in opening up and would then be more encouraged to do so.
I also feel that they should be very proud because it couldn’t have been easy for them to go through those issues and they’re in a much better place now.
What do you wish was more well known about mental health?
I wish that people would realise that being more patient with those who’re struggling g is vital. My wife says to me that nobody has ever said “calm down” to another person and they’ve instantly calmed down.
No matter how depressed a person can be, just saying “chill out” isn’t going to help. You need to spend more time with them so that they’ll talk back to you and eventually will be in much calmer mood. It isn’t a quick fix so we need to realise that although it is a long process, time and patience are key.
Just by being more patient, it will help you realise, and learn to be more attentive to the fact that even though you may not be struggling and are in a happy place, not all of us are. You pick up on other little things like someone acting out of character. Whether they’re quieter or louder than usual.
We all fight our individual battles. Granted some can be brief and we can resolve them quickly, but some can go on to cause us to act out in different ways. I really do wish that we could be more alert to that. Even just going out of your way to ask how someone is can go a long way.
Why do you think there is a stigma associated with men’s mental health?
Well, now that have my daughter in my life, I do feel a need that I have to be stronger in order to protect her. I’ve never felt like this before and to be honest, the boxing helped me feel that way. I’ve never really had much fear in me but I guess just by being in a new role as a father, it just put this thought in my head that I have to look after my little girl at all costs.
I feel that this stems bag to the generations before us feeding the belief that you have to be a real man and look after your family at all costs. You have to be big and strong without showing emotion. Growing up with this ideology and seeing it on television and films will enforce it even further.
Whilst I will always put my family first, these type of beliefs is a huge reason behind men finding it difficult to open up. As the years have gone by, this stigma is slowly diminishing. There are still a large number of men who feel they can’t talk about their issues. You should never feel like you have to bottle up your demons.
I’ve spoken to a few male friends and they have struggled. Whilst what you’ve done with your blog has helped because you’ve written down your thoughts. Talking about your problems is one thing but writing it down and publishing it is another level. It will put the word out there and encourage others to open up.
If we all closed ourselves off then there wouldn’t be anyone to take that first step. Hopefully we’re coming over the mountain instead of coming back down. It’s getting easier but even now when I talk to people, can see that they feel they’re burdening me by speaking about their issues.
I tell them every time that it’s fine and keep on encouraging more and more open behaviour. It’s a much healthier option for them. I wish it wasn’t like this, we’re all human and hopefully one day this stigma will be eliminated once and for all.
Is there anything that you would like to share from a personal point of view regarding mental health?
For the majority of my life, I’ve lived it as if it was an open book. If anything has ever bothered or upset me, I’ve spoken about it with a family member or friend straight away. It’s not like nothing bothers me, just I know it’s not healthy to bottle it up.
For example, I did struggle when my Grandfather passed away as I was very close to him. But instead of closing myself off, like a lot of people do whilst grieving, I did show emotion. I was honest by speaking to my loved ones and by doing that we supported each other as a family. That in itself was very therapeutic. We helped each other through the pain, so did my friends. I’d hate to think where I’d be otherwise.
One thing that I’ve found that does upset me is the amount of racism which has caused the ‘Black Lives Matter’ movement. Me and my wife speak about this a lot and we’ve seen that people are being offended by the “white privilege” factor. When a lot of people think of the word privilege, they think of fortune, fame and wealth. However, if they actually read into it, they’ll realise that they’ve never been discriminated due to the colour of their skin, which in this day and age is beyond awful.
The whole concept of it disgusts me. My sister in law is black and currently lives in America, so seeing all of these awful events is very upsetting. I can’t imagine what the people effected by this are going through and I hate the idea of them growing up whilst being judged just because their skin is a different colour to ours.
Another thing I’ve found is that during lockdown, whilst a lot of people have struggled, it’s given us a lot more time to spend together as a family. Like I said that if anything does bother me, I’ll speak to Cath. I know that I’ll be in a much better place if I do that and honestly hope so many others would do the same.
I count myself very lucky and guilty in a way. Everything has fallen into place for me but I do owe it to always being open and honest with those closest to me. Nothing has ever driven me to even consider going down a dark path because I could never put my family through that.
I couldn’t imagine or understand what’s going through someone’s mind to harm themselves or think about suicide. For example, look at Caroline Flack. We as a couple watch ‘Love Island’ and she had so much going for her, but being hounded by the press drove her to the darkest of places and a young woman is no longer with us as a result. We just need to realise that as humans to be more kind and realise what harm we’re doing before it’s too late.
Depression is such a strong thing because I don’t think I’ve been that bad compared to others. Although, I do now realise losing a family member is traumatic and did have an effect on me. Just I knew I had the tools and support network to help me when I needed it.
You touched on what you’ve been doing during Lockdown. How have you been as a whole?
Like I said, I know a lot of people have struggled, but I’ve enjoyed the more time I’ve had with the family. I would have missed so much time with my daughter. In a very unselfish way, I have appreciated it.
The worst thing about being in work all day is that I don’t get to spend time with them. During these last few months I’ve seen my daughter take her first steps, she’s growing and each day I spend with her is as special as the last and I’m so grateful for that.
Whilst the daily routine of feeding, changing the baby and putting her down for a nap takes up a lot of time, I have found a lot of time to exercise and cook. It’s given me a good routine. Whilst if I was in work, none of this would happen. I do feel bad by saying this as so many people are stressed and they worry the hell out of me but it does make you appreciate what you have.
You’re very open about how you use yoga and meditation as a way of keeping fit and calm. How effective are these in terms of mental and physical wellness?
Doing some yoga and light meditation does the world of good for me. I like doing it in the day, but if I do it at night it puts me in a much better mindset and helps me rest a lot better. For example, I’ll come home from work or football training and I’ll think that I’m tired but my mind will be thinking of lots of different things so I’ll struggle to unwind.
If I do yoga and meditation before bed, it helps I’m with any aches I have and also helps me clear my mind. I’ll wake up so refreshed and I do owe it to these two exercises. It’s like someone’s knocked a switch off inside me and it benefits me massively.
If I don’t do it, I find I’m remembering and thinking about random things like paying the bills, stuff that happened 10 years ago. So the whole process is as good for the mind as it is for the body. Just everything feels loose in a good way and would recommend it for anyone to try.
We don’t do specific techniques if yoga, we look up different routines through hashtags on Instagram. We know that we won’t find any negative reviews on there as it’s all videos and pictures, and we don’t really use Twitter. Sometimes I’ll do just normal stretches but after a while, we’ll do our research and try different things that helpful people have posted.
To finish up, what would you say to someone who is struggling and doesn’t know if talking about it is the right thing to do?
Most definitely, always talk about it. Not taking will build things up and think more negatively. Everyone should talk more because it helps the situation and get a better perspective. It’s not easy, but if you trust someone in order to open up, they will support you, trust will be further cemented and you’ll end up in a much better place.
It’s not a quick fix but it will be the best thing you’ll do. So many people have done it and it’s been the first step on the road to a much better place. It’s always worked for me and I’m sure it will work for others.
This chat with Davzie reminded me once again that he’s one the kindest and most understanding people I’ve ever known. He’s always had time for people, and when he’s had any concerns or upsetting times himself he’s made sure that he’s talked about it.
I’m so happy for him as he’s settled down with the happiest of families. His wife Cath is equally as lovely and their daughter Felicity has made them even more happier than they already were (which I didn’t think was possible!). You can just see that he’s grateful for what he has and he deserves every little bit of it.
As his friend, I‘m proud that he took the time to understand the meaning and mission behind a mental health organisation like MIND. He admits himself that he was shocked by the stories of some of the other competitors as they never appeared as if they were struggling before. Over time he understands that bottling up and putting on a front is major factor in mental health and is key point in the stigma of which we’re trying to eliminate.
I also commend Davzie and Cath for being honest and open about their support for Black Lives Matter and equality as a whole. They’re very open and honest people and that is why they’re so likeable. They see everyone as equal and don’t take race and/or religion into account. I respect them so much for doing this.
Like many of us, Davzie wishes people were more understanding about mental health and realises that people need to be more patient whether it’s those supporting those in need or those recovering themselves. He also understands that physical exercise is as good for the mind as it is for the legs.
As always, thank you to everyone who’s read this and a very special thanks to Davzie for taking time to talk to me. He’s proof that we can help in many different ways and that patience and understanding is key to the parting of the dark clouds.
If anyone would like more information on the work that MIND do as a charity, I’ve posted a link and contact details at the end of the blog. They give fantastic support and dedicated people who offer guidance through our most difficult times.
So please, stay safe, take care and I’ll see you later!
Website – mind.org.uk
Telephone – 02920395123
Email – supporterrelations@mind.org.uk
MIND OVER NOISE 