To say that the last few months have been crazy is a huge understatement. Our day to day lives whether it’s work, travel or socialising changed massively and sadly many people across the world either suffered with their health and in a lot of cases, tragically lost their lives.
Since March, the lockdown process which was enforced due to the COVID-19 pandemic has been an incredibly challenging process for all of us. As I’ve discussed on a previous post, I had my own personal struggles with the changes to my life in a personal and professional capacity.
I was placed on furlough leave from my job the day when lockdown was announced on March 24th. I also went long periods without seeing my friends, some family members and most importantly, my fiancée. In fact, we went 11 weeks without seeing each other.
The whole impact of lockdown definitely showed as I struggled with feelings of anxiety, especially when going exercising and passing people whilst I was out. The lack of a normal routine also had an effect on me. The normality of going to work, coming home and looking forward to enjoying myself on the days off I had on the weekend was now gone.
The first few days felt like when I book some leave in work but after a while I was craving the routine that I was now missing. That and not seeing my fiancée did give me many instances where I felt depressed and I even shed a few tears.
It felt like Groundhog Day, just the same things over and over again. I’d get up, have breakfast, watch TV, go for a walk and repeat. I still live at home and whilst my parents were working there were many times where I did feel very lonely. I’d read a book and try and keep myself occupied but it’s only lasts for so long.
Eventually as the weeks went by, some restrictions were eased and I was able to see my fiancée again. It was such a massive lift as I stayed with her for two weeks. The whole process has made me more determined to purchase a house and make a home of our own.
It’s a shame that some people did break the lockdown rules. I know it’s hard going through a long period without seeing a loved one, but it was for the greater good. We realised this and common sense kicked in straight away. I’m asthmatic and my fiancée’s father is diabetic so travelling to her home would have been a risk.
Looking back on it, I do think that the whole period made me stronger. During the first few weeks after the “holiday feeling” wore off, I was very self isolated and had too much negativity going on in my head. I’d watch the news and read the “fake news” about the virus online and it would instantly start off my anxiety.
They say anxiety is the “what if” disease and I couldn’t help but think of certain scenarios such as “what if I catch it?”, “are my loved ones going to be safe?” and “are we ever going to come out of this?”. As I’ve previously discussed, I now have the tools and self acceptance to know when I need to talk about my problems, also it was clear to my parents that I wasn’t myself and in bad moods a lot.
I’d speak to them about my negative thoughts and concerns and we agreed that the “scaremongering” and attitude by the media didn’t help. We stopped buying newspapers because they seemed more concerned about when the pubs reopened than the amount of people losing their lives due to the virus.
The only time I even looked at anything related to the news was when significant changes were made by the government to the lockdown restrictions. I made sure I read books, went for a walk and just tried to do things I knew which would take my mind away from all of the negativity. Another thing which I found helped me massively was writing this blog.
If anything, I’ve found it therapeutic. Just putting my thoughts and feelings out there is a massive lift to be honest. The fact that it resonates with so many people is a huge thing as well and was something I hoped it would do from the start. The reaction at first was a bit overwhelming but if it helps someone who is struggling to find a way to open up about their struggles and start a healthier path, then that’s all I want from it.
The amount of people who would come forward and message me inspired me to take the blog in a new direction. That would be using the blog in an interview type of format where I’d speak to them about their thoughts and experiences regarding mental health and other important topics.
Anyone who knows me will know I can have a conversation about a lot of things and can talk for hours on end, and the people I’ve spoken to have felt just like that. The thing I want from them is for it to feel like it’s an open chat, not an interview and I would like to think that I’ve achieved that.
It’s important to speak to people from all walks of life. So far I’ve spoken to Alicia who works for a mental health charity in PAPYRUS, Davzie who’s raised money for MIND, Carys who’s currently in university and there’s so many others with incredible stories to tell.
It’s also been a very educational process for me as well. Especially with the the way I approach things nowadays. It’s easy to say “think before you speak” but by actually doing it, I’ve found myself to be more careful, especially in difficult situations with mental health.
For example, if a friend is struggling, sometimes making light of the situation or telling a joke may not suit the circumstances and by simply just listening to them will do the world of good. By trying to cheer them up it may be perceived that you’re not taking them seriously and makes them feel worse. I’ve been in that position and it’s bloody awful.
“Sharing is caring” is another classic phrase that gets thrown around a lot but personally I’ve found that being open about my issues does help me. It may not be for everyone to do it on such a public platform and would prefer to keep within an inner circle of trusted people.
There were periods leading up to the first blog post being published where I was doubting myself yet again, wondering if people would make fun of me. It came to the point where I’d posted, deleted and reposted the blog many times until I posted it for the final time and left my phone in my room whilst I went downstairs to spend time with my family. It wasn’t until an hour or so later when I went back to my room where I found how much of a positive reaction it caused where I realised how it was a good decision to do this.
The whole writing process has helped me focus on certain things with a more clear mind so during the last week of June, I received a phone call which was a joy to hear. My boss had rang to say that it was safe and ready for me to return to work. It was a massive relief and a return to a routine and structure that I’d craved for weeks which turned into months.
The following Monday, I went back and although the environment of my work station had changed due to PPE and other health and safety precautions were now in place, it felt great to be back doing something productive. I also missed the camaraderie which I had with my colleagues. I hadn’t seen these people for 3 months and after a day or two, it was like I’d never been away.
All of the doubts that was in my head were now gone. Of course I still had a strong level of concern. Especially now that I had to wear a face mask on the train to and from work, as well as sanitise my hands and work desk multiple times every day. If anything it gave a sort of sense of responsibility. Especially when not only having my own health and safety to think about but those around me whether it was colleagues, friends or family.
It’s going to be a very long time before things will be 100% back to normal, but I do think that the Welsh Government have done things brilliantly in comparison to Boris Johnson and the majority of the decisions that have been made in England. It’s easy to say that you miss the pub but it’s down to safety and the health of people, just have a drink in the house.
Even now that the pubs are back open, I’ve only been to a beer garden once with friends and even then we realised we’d have preferred being in a garden having a BBQ instead. The whole process has helped me appreciate the people around me even more than I already did and that you don’t have to compensate for the environment you spend time with them entirely within a pub.
Again it’s an each to their own sort of thing and I’m not saying that I’ll stop going out to pubs but especially at this time of year being the summer, there’s so many other great ways to enjoy yourself. Same goes for going for a walk. Before lockdown, a lot of the time I’d come home from work, have food and just lie down. Now I go for a walk instead of lying down.
I go for about half an hour whilst listening to music or a podcast and it’s a great way of releasing those endorphins, thus giving me a positive mindset so I’m not overthinking and can just relax when I get home. I know it’s a much more positive way to end the day than dwell on the negatives in an isolated environment. I hate just sitting there alone with my thoughts. I did so much of it before and it wasn’t healthy so I’ll be damned if I do it again.
Of course, not all of us have come out of the lockdown period in the same way. Many are still struggling mentally and physically with the aspects of this awful pandemic. Lots of people have lost their lives and thousands of medical staff in the NHS and care homes have risked their own health and safety to help those who needed it the most.
I said it in the previous post that whether you’re a nurse, doctor, carer or anyone else within that type of working environment, you’ve been the true heroes and you do deserve pay rises which are long overdue. My Dad is a carer who unfortunately had to spends two weeks of isolation in the care home due to a suspected case of COVID-19.
Thankfully all tests came back negative when the period ended but you could see when he returned home that the entire time did effect him. Thankfully he did keep speaking to us and kept focused on the end goal that everything was going to be fine in the end and that he would come home to where he belongs.
Thank you once again if you’ve taken the time out of your day to read this. Better days are gradually coming back and it’s essential that we use common sense, so it’ll be a healthier environment for everyone.
Remember that if you are struggling, there are plenty of people who care whether it’s friends, family or those in a professional capacity. And if you feel that someone you know is being quieter than usual, drop them a message. The results of just showing you care with a little message like that will go a long way.
Stay safe, take care and until next time, I’ll see you later!
MIND OVER NOISE 