In one of my previous blog posts, I covered the topic of “Image”. There I focused in large parts on body positivity, where instead of bowing to the pressure which is thrust on us, we should eliminate the negativity, unwanted criticisms and learn to love ourselves.
It was inspired in many ways by the person I’ve spoken to this week. Bethan Rees pretty much embodies the whole idea of body positivity. Via her social media platforms, Bethan is very open and honest as to how damaging these negative factors can be to a person and how we can counteract them and accepting who are.
She also opens up on a number of other important issues such as bullying, mental health awareness and how a supportive network can get you through a lot of difficult situations.
You’ve spoken very openly about body positivity. What inspired you in order to do this?
Believe it or not, Instagram played a huge part. I know it’s one of the last things people would expect me to say as it’s highlighted as a negative factor a lot of the time. I love fashion and the different styles that are available and Instagram provides me with a way of finding styles I’m already familiar with as well as new ones.
I used this platform to see what types of clothes girls my size were wearing and then find which stores I could find them. I ended up finding a sort of plus size or body positive community. It helped me become involved by reading what these people were about and how they felt about their bodies.
I found I could relate to them as they went through the same things I did and learned to love themselves for who they are. There’s one user named Jess On The Plus Size who speaks to me on so many levels. I‘m pretty much glued to her posts and stories because she is so inspirational.
She helped me realise that at some point, there’ll always be negative people talking shit about you. It doesn’t matter what you look like, as long as you’re comfortable and confident in yourself that’s all that’s relevant. People like Jess have helped me gain and show the confidence I now have in myself.
Growing up and not being a confident person, you naturally assume that most people don’t appreciate people who’re different and aren’t naturally thin. By finding this community via social media caused me to re-evaluate my own perception of social media as a whole. It showed me that it can be used to promote the views that I now share myself.
My pessimistic self would have thought that everyone would have been nasty in the comments. Although there still are a lot of them, you do see a lot of positive stuff and it does give you a massive boost. That inspired me to post a picture of myself in a bikini and the comments were so overwhelming.
Everyone posted nice, positive feedback, tell me I looked good and it gives you a massive lift whilst showing there are still good people out there.
Also, all of my family and friends have been such huge confidence builders for me as they see me for who I am and appreciate me for it. It’s made me feel comfortable as a result and having that inner circle is vital. Therefore, it then inspires me to speak out and talk about how it’s perfectly fine to be plus size and still love your body.
What sort of effect does body shaming have in regards to mental health?
To be perfectly honest with you, it’s soul destroying. Body shaming is everywhere as it’s in the media, the local pub, casual conversations, you just can’t escape it at times. I’ve experienced this where I’ve been called fat and other insults in person or over a message.
I don’t think that the majority realise the effects that it can have on a person. The thing is, there’s nothing that someone could say to me that I’ve already thought about myself anyway. This especially happened to me whilst growing up. Even if I do think these negative things about myself, to know that other people are thinking it and openly telling you about it beyond awful.
It crushes you and you end up in a place where you don’t want to be seen or don’t want to go out and socialise. It further dents your self confidence in regards to the clothes you wear especially with anything bold because you fear that people will make fun of you. So I can’t be myself as a result.
So many people are effected by this and it gets to the point where it damages people so much that they take their own lives as a result of the abuse they’ve received. They think they’re worthless which is not the case at all. People need to realise how much of an impact their criticisms have on a person’s mental wellbeing and how it could push someone over the edge.
You’ve touched on it briefly but do you feel that the media have a major role to play in all of this?
Absolutely. I went on the Daily Mail website the other day and it there must have been 20 different articles where women in bikinis were the focus points. There were no men featured either which was also a concern but they all seemed to focus on the women’s bodies and how they looked.
One article in particular featured Mollie Mae who featured on last year‘s ‘Love Island’ TV show. They put up these pictures of her on holiday as she wearing a bikini. Some of the comments from people on there was beyond awful. She’s so beautiful and the reason she was criticised was because she didn’t airbrush or photoshop them. She’s just natural and these people are saying that she was ugly and they wouldn’t go anywhere near her.
It’s a similar process in some ways of what happened to Caroline Flack. The media pushed her so much with the constant coverage and criticisms of her and what was happening in her social life and as soon as she passed away, they were paying tribute to her. It’s so hypocritical as they should be held responsible as they’re having so many negative effects on a person’s mental wellbeing.
As long as you filter and edit your photos where you don’t look fat, it’s deemed ok. That shouldn’t be the case as if you’re the opposite you’re hung out to dry by the press who’re supposed to be informing us of important events. They have a duty yet they’re causing a lot of harm to people and encouraging people to post negative comments.
Another example is Bethan Kershaw who features on the TV show ‘Geordie Shore’. She posted photos recently where she’s in fantastic shape but she’s bent over and forcing these rolls and saying it’s ok to look like this. But if I posted a photo which was like that, the amount of shit I’d get would be relentless. But because she’s skinny and forcing rolls, it’s deemed ok.
The media would say the same. I’d be criticised for it and she would be praised. There’s a huge sense of favouritism. The bigger you are, the less you matter. Nothing against Bethan Kershaw, it’s the media who’re to blame. They have journalism degrees and they choose to write about this? That’s not newsworthy, it’s bullying.
What do you feel needs to be different in order promote more awareness and acceptance towards body positivity?
I think that with the media, they have to take responsibility for their actions as I’ve said they have a major impact on a person’s mental wellbeing and their body confidence. They have a duty to inform and even educate us, not objectify and criticise someone for their size.
Celebrities could do a lot more as well. Lizzo is a big example of someone in a high profile position who’s a fantastic advocate for body positivity. She doesn’t care what people think and is honest in confronting these criticisms. A lot more celebs should be similar to Lizzo in standing up and showing that it’s ok to be who we are and not bow to the pressure which is forced upon us.
Obviously Adele has now lost a lot weight, and total respect and admiration goes to her. Beforehand she was similar where she would call out the critics and even make little jokes herself about her size. I think especially young boys and girls should be made to know that it’s ok to not have a six pack and not have a tiny frame as it is a unhealthy obsession for a lot of you gets.
Celebrities have a massive following and so many of them can use their voice for good and help change this perception. By showing there’s different options that are not forced on you by the media, you can make your own choices without pressure and learn to love yourself as a result.
Social media have to take more action against trolling and negative posting. I can’t see it happening soon as people can make new accounts. Bobby Cole Norris from ‘TOWIE’ has started a campaign for Parliament to pass a law where trolling is illegal. People have hounded him for being gay and he’s stood up and called for action to be taken.
The damage it has on people is clear and obvious and more responsibility should he taken by the social media companies like Twitter and Facebook. It’s far too easy to post hurtful comments and the more action that is taken, the quicker the perception will change to show that this is not normal behaviour and it will not be tolerated.
Is there anything else that would like to share from your experiences with something that effected your mental health?
When I was younger I was bullied very badly in school. I listened to rock music, dressed differently and wasn’t “normal” in comparison to a lot of girls in my year. As a result I was targeted by a group of girls who focused on the these differences.
They would physically attack me, even to the point where they poured cider all over me. They would call me fat and a goth which would make me feel awful about myself and very isolated at times. Going past that, I’ve come out on the other side where if someone said or tried something like that again, they wouldn’t be able to take me down in an argument.
From Year 10 or 11, I started seeing my now ex boyfriend who introduced me to a new group of friends who made me feel better about myself and that the people who were bullying me were horrible people. I focused on the positives and had a fantastic support network. The bullying eventually stopped and I started to blossom in my new environment and felt a lot more positive and confident.
They were my people and they were going like me no matter what I looked like. Your friends and family will get you through anything. You find out in tough situations who’s there for you and I’m so thankful that they were there for me when I needed them and I would do the same if they needed me.
I think that kids can be so nasty that they don’t realise how hurtful their actions and words can be. To be perfectly honest, the bullying was the making of me as I’m a much more confident person than before. For some people it can be life changing in a negative way where they’re depressed and take very dark paths. It’s so sad to see when they should never be made to feel that bad to begin with.
Why do you think there is a stigma associated with mental health?
If you struggle with mental health, it’s very difficult for a lot of people to open up. When I was at my lowest point, I found it really hard to speak to someone and was scared incase I’d be seen as a burden. I’d see my mother crying and blame myself because I didn’t want to worry her. I’d feel even worse as a result and although I knew I wouldn’t do anything stupid, it was such an awful time for me where I felt alone.
Asking someone if they’re ok is a great help and although there’s a huge movement going on at the moment, there’s some instances where people find it difficult to talk about mental health. Even to the point where you’re scared or unsure of what to say if you see someone who is struggling.
You don’t know what to say and if you do you don’t want to give them false information. I had one instance with my friend in school where she confided in me about her problems. She was in a very dark place at the time and I was the only person she talked to.
It was a lot for to handle at the time as I was only 13 years old at the time. I didn’t know what to do as I was still a child. It’s hard to open up but the confidant finds it difficult too. Someone has to listen as it’s the first thing to help the person who’s struggling. I did offer help and support and still do to anyone who needs it now.
The pressure was overwhelming at times but I would help them at the drop of a hat. Sometimes they don’t want answers or a quick fix, just listening to them can go a long way. The more we accept that it’s ok to help others and show concern, the quicker this stigma will be eliminated.
What sort of activities and techniques do you find helpful in difficult situations?
I enjoy the company of my friends. They’re my world and offer each other unconditional support. We treat each other equally and if any of us are feeling down, we’ll rally around them as a group and do something to lift their spirits.
Recently I was lying in bed, feeling a bit down and didn’t want to do anything. They turned up outside my house and told me to get ready. Next thing I know I’m in Cardiff Bay and on a ferris wheel. I felt fantastic and my spirits soared. Having them for company is massive boost to my wellbeing.
I feel like I can open up to each and every one of them. There’s 8 of us in the group, and I have a special individual bond with each one. They’d be there for me if I needed support and if it was a one to one chat they would keep it between us.
They also have individual strengths amongst them so I know who I would need to go to if I had a problem. It’s nice to have a lot of different personalities in order to help in difficult situations. Like in a film, there’s different roles where there’s “a sensitive one” or the “motherly/fatherly one”. It’s such a fantastic group where I blessed to have them in my life.
There’s nothing wrong in confiding in one particular friend because if they do care about you, they’d understand. We all have our individual strengths and if I wasn’t confided in, I’d understand. I’d be more concerned about the wellbeing of that particular friend. And that to be is what friendship is all about. Caring for each other and making sure as a group, we’re safe and well.
What would you say to someone who’s struggling and doesn’t know if talking about it is the right thing to do?
In regards to mental health, if you know you’re not ready to talk about your problems, it’s very difficult to find the strength in opening up. But if you find that it’s effecting your day to day life in bother a personal and professional capacity, you have to find a way of fighting back. By doing that, you have to reach out to talk to someone. There’s always someone who’s going to be there to talk to.
As you see on Facebook, you find genuine people posting status asking for people to talk to them if they need someone to talk to. There’s no limit on how much good that could do for a person who’s struggling. It’s a powerful message that even strangers are encouraging us and offering support.
The worst thing that can happen is that the person would go down a dark path and as a lot of cases show they may not be with us anymore. If you do talk to someone and accept the help on offer, there’s light at the end of the tunnel and it’s the start on the road to a healthier life.
There’s so much support out there. For men it’s harder to open up as it’s shown via the statistics. It’s hard for people from where we come from in the valleys to open up as well. You have men from strong backgrounds where they were brought up that there has to be a man of the house. Plus you have the stereotypical “rugby boys” who’re set in their ways who don’t talk about their feelings because it shows signs of weakness.
I know it’s harder for men but you have to take a leap of faith and reach out because you won’t regret it.
With body positivity, I now feel confident in myself and it took a lot for me to get to where I am. It takes a lot for me even now to post pictures where my figure is on show especially on Facebook. Recently I posted a picture of myself in a bikini as I’m trying them on ready for my holiday in Ibiza. I was more worried about posting it on Facebook because there’s more people I know on there from school etc.
The comments I had were all positive. In my head I expected criticism and negativity but through the resulting positivity it showed how far I’ve come in my journey. It took a lot to post it and if you’re in a similar situation, don’t feel you have to post it until you know you’re ready.
If your are ready, then you’ll find that not everyone is a troll and will offer support and positive comments. I’ve even had people up come to me and commend me for what I’ve done. It’s harder for a big girl or bloke to post pictures like that but it’s a good way of telling the negative people to fuck off. This is who I am and I’m happy to be me.
Building up the confidence has not been easy and although I have a loud personality and never been fully confident in myself. I still not 100% happy with myself and still on the journey to find happiness. I know it’s cliche but fuck the haters!
Knowing Bethan, the last sentence was a perfect way to end the conversation. She’s a fantastic person with such a positive attitude to life. Her approach to body positivity is very inspiring. As someone who’s struggled with weight issues the majority of my life, her social media posts and statuses have been a breath of fresh air.
Bethan focuses on the positives and doesn’t bow to any pressure from media and other factors. Like many of us, she still has her own individual struggles but finds the strength to bounce back and show solidarity against the negativity.
The support network she has proves that being open with those closest to you has no limit of positivity. It also shows that in times of struggle you will realise who you can count on in terms of friendship and Bethan’s inner circle give her and themselves the strength on a daily basis which is very commendable.
Thank you as always to all of you for taking time to have a read. Massive thanks goes to Bethan as well for taking the time to talk to me and go through some difficult points.
Like I said at the beginning, her body positivity posts on social media inspired me to write the ‘Image‘ piece and since then she keeps breaking new ground. She’s a fantastic advocate for body positivity and mental health and really am glad she’s on her way to a place of healthy mental wellbeing and self acceptance.
To everyone who’s read this post, take care, stay safe and until next time I guess I’ll see you later!
MIND OVER NOISE 