When I thought about starting this blog, there were many things which inspired me. One thing which really stood out to me was other people who took the huge step to share their stories about mental health.
I’ve known Saima for a few years as we used to work together. She’s always come across as an honest person, especially with her ongoing battles with her mental wellbeing. Her blog, ‘Saima Says’ has been an inspiration and shows how brave she has been.
I bumped into her a few weeks ago and instantly thought she’d be the perfect person to share her story, and thankfully she accepted the invitation.
What inspired you to start writing a blog?
I feel like I’ve had so many past experiences that would help other people. This would be experiences I’ve had on an individual basis, but also once I’ve shared with others.
I feel these situations have been rather unique. A few of my friends have said that my life resembles a Soap Opera like ‘EastEnders’. I’ve always had a lot going on and I feel that I’ve learned a lot from these experiences and starting a blog was a way of getting that out there.
It’s something that I’m passionate about and it’s as creative as it is educational to those who’ve gone through similar experiences. I also found there wasn’t a lot of stuff out there to help people understand when a close friend of family is struggling and how to support them. So that’s another reason I started it, so it can be understood from both sides of the situation.
I never used to be a person who read blogs. I came across someone who wrote one on a totally different subject but it did help me to have the idea of sharing my experiences in that type of context. Now I read other blogs such as yours.
What sort of message would you like people to take from your blog?
It’s a lot about finding out about different coping strategies in difficult moments. I’ve gone through a lot of CBT training and as a result, gained a lot of knowledge and techniques of which I can share. So people can understand and learn through them and help with their mental wellbeing.
There’s particular ways of dealing with certain situations which I’ve found have helped me massively so the message I want to put out there is that there’s a lot of different ways to help and showing how to develop them.
I also write about mechanisms which didn’t help me as some of them aren’t for everyone and I want to be as honest as I can. It’s an each to their own kind of scenario with these techniques but have showing both sides of the coin, it presents the full story and would present an honest approach.
I also want to show that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I like to end my posts on a positive note. Although, I’ve gone through these experiences, I’ve come out stronger at the end of it, so if anyone is in a similar situation, the blog is there to help people understand that there is a way back. It’s a difficult one, but you’d never regret starting this journey. Bad things happen but this where I am as a result of the steps I’ve taken.
Is there anything that you would like to share from your own experiences with mental health?
It’s hard to put into words but never judge people when you look at them. Everyone has their own stories and their personal struggles. Assumption is mostly never a good thing because you do get the wrong end of the stick as a result. My experiences have helped me understand this as I’ve been guilty of that in the past.
Someone could be smiling and the “life of the party” but deep down they’re fighting their own battles and you have no idea what they’re going through. That’s why I like meeting new people whilst I’m travelling. These experiences have taught me that connection is key.
When you meet new people, it’s entirely a new experience. You don’t know a thing about each other, especially backgrounds and you end up learning so much about each other. We live in such a tight community at home where everyone knows each other and that’s very difficult at times and I find it does effect your mental health. So it’s nice to go away and have a clean slate when meeting new people.
From these experiences it helps avoid the feeling of being judgmental. Of course I’ve been judged by friends and family. It’s a matter of stepping back and realising what’s good and bad for your mental wellbeing. Not everyone will have the same perception of you and dealing with it is a very tough process at times.
The entire process especially with my blog is to understand tolerance and education. Not just for me but the people reading it and the people who’ve made me feel this way. It’s a massive learning curve for all of us.
You’ve spoken very openly about people who’ve acted badly and bullied you in the past and have since tried to befriend you and ask you out. How does that make you feel when this situation presents itself?
It makes me feel awful to be honest. It’s a truly horrible situation. I feel like those people haven’t even learnt anything from when they were in school with me and behaving in such a bad way.
I used to be bullied quite a lot over my teeth and my nose. I’m now 24 and it’s become my biggest insecurities stemming from the treatment at the hands of these bullies. I now wear braces because I feel like I need to fix them when my friends try to reassure me constantly by telling me that I look fine and don’t need to.
These experiences stay with you and the things they say don’t go away. I’m 6 or 7 years out of school and it’s still effecting me to this very day. Those people are still there and popping up in my messages and it’s a completely different situation. I just don’t understand their way of thinking and how they feel that the way they treated me in the past can just be brushed under the carpet.
They’ve gone from insulting me over the way I look to them telling me I look really pretty and try to ask me out. It simply doesn’t work like that. No thank you. I’m very vocal about this and even recently someone popped up in my DMs and asked me out. I simply said no thank you and confronted them over it.
I was completely honest by saying that they were horrible to me in school and it wasn’t acceptable. He said he was sorry and that he “wanted to make it up to me”. I just don’t know how that can be deemed a reasonable reply. You remember certain people from a cluster of a group. It’s funny in a way but it’s really shallow and disgusting that people feel that this can be forgotten so easily.
They just don’t understand the long term effects and how it makes you feel even though it happened a very long time ago. I’ve been on a dance floor on a night out and a group of girls who I didn’t get along with and treated me badly in school come up and try to dance with me and act like nothing happened. Just because it was years ago, doesn’t mean that you can’t step up and take responsibility for your actions.
It has long term effects. Some people can let go easier than me but a lot of people are in the same boat. You could be walking home and they’re throwing things at you. You’d keep your mouth shut and carry on as if everything is normal but now that you’re older none of that matters anymore? I’m sorry it just doesn’t work like that.
What sort of exercises/techniques do you find helpful in difficult situations?
I find mantras very helpful. I’ve come across them during my CBT sessions. A common one is “right here, right now I’m ok”, which is so helpful to repeat to yourself whilst having negative thoughts and even panic attacks, of which I do suffer from. It gives me a calmer mindset and definitely helps me down in those difficult moments.
Breathing exercises are also a massive help. Similar with panic attacks and other anxious moments, especially during lockdown because the whole pandemic situation triggered a lot of it. You use different things for different problems and I also suffer from health anxiety. I make lists during my difficult moments. I write down of what I’m thinking and go over them when I’m in a better place to reflect on and show where I was wrong in my negative thinking.
I think that everyone needs to find their best means of support and coping mechanisms as everyone is different and have their own preferences. Music helps so much as I focus more on lyrics and what they represent. The song ‘Drown’ by Bring Me The Horizon means so much to me. It’s been 6 years since it was released and even now I feel emotional listening to it.
If you ask me how I’ve felt these past few years, I do refer to that song because it captures the feeling so much that it really has become my anthem. They write so much about feelings and how negative experiences effect them and proves to show that music is also a massive coping mechanism.
What do you wish was more well known about mental health?
I think it’s going back to not judging people and looking at the way they’re acting. Don’t take them by your first impression. Ending the stigma that’s attached to it is essential in avoiding these behaviours. I’m involved with a charity called Time To Change Wales who’s aim is to end the stigma around mental health.
They’re encouraging more and more people to be open in confronting their problems and have workshops and talks in order to get their message across and share stories of experiences. Whether it’s school or the workplace it’s about getting the message out there that it’s ok to open up and there is a journey to a better and healthier way of life.
It’s about showing where you are now. You might be high functioning but it doesn’t mean you don’t struggle with your mental health. It’s about reflection and recovery no matter what background you have.
What would you say to someone who is struggling and doesn’t know if talking about it is the right thing to do?
How will you know until you talk about? I know it sounds a little harsh but you won’t know what happens until you make that step and speak to someone. Obviously we want to get better but you have to take a leap of faith and try different things until you find the one factor which does give you the lift you need.
In my experiences I did it the hard way where I hit the proverbial brick wall and had to climb over it and by doing that I tried all of the things I’ve previously mentioned. I need to do something and trying new things will help you find the perfect outcome.
It won’t help by bottling up. Honesty is key. You’ll talk about it and there is help from people whether it’s friends, family and professionals. You may not hear what you want to hear but it’s about acceptance which is a massive step to recovery.
I’ve had multiple bad experiences talking to people and have chosen the wrong one but if anything it hasn’t deterred me from carrying on and finding the support I need. It takes courage and it is a bumpy road but there is light at the end of tunnel.
I’m very glad that I bumped into Saima a few weeks ago. We ended up talking for nearly half an hour and our chat for this blog post went for over an hour. I’ve always found her an honest and approachable person who’s as helpful as she is understanding.
As someone who’s also had experiences of bullying and where the negative people involved have tried to act like everything is normal, I understand to an extent what Saima is going through. Good on her for being upfront and calling them out for their behaviour because how are they going to learn otherwise?
I’m proud of her work with Time To Change Wales and her blog has been a massive lift to me in difficult times and is a massive influence on my own personal journey that I share with you. I have shared links to the charity and Saima’s blog on the bottom of the post incase you would like to check them out.
A massive thanks goes to all of you who have taken time to read this. Same goes of course to Saima for putting stuff on hold for chatting to me. She’s definitely making waves and is a fantastic advocate for mental health and I wish her all the best.
To all of you, stay safe, take care and remember we’re all this together. Until next time, I guess I’ll just see you later.
https://www.timetochangewales.org.uk/en/
MIND OVER NOISE 