Throughout your life you come across many types of characters. People with big personalities which have an instant impact and effect on you. These people then tend to become a good friend and you go on to enjoy many great times with them.
This couldn’t be more true in regards to the person I’ve spoken to for this week’s blog post. I’ve had the honour of knowing Kevin Morgan since my mid teens. He’s what can only be described as a “gentle giant.”
Those who know Kev will know he has an infectious personality. There’s never a dull moment with him and I’ve had many fun times in his company at home and abroad. He also is a very trustworthy and loyal friend who would be there for you at the drop of a hat and I’m very grateful to consider him a friend.
Sadly like many of us, Kev has had his battles with mental health over the past few years and he’s made some incredible steps to fight back. Many of which we covered during our chat.
You’ve been very honest and open about your issues over the past few years. What inspired you to do so?
I think that the trouble I had initially was that I wasn’t self aware of my problems. It came on over a period of weeks and months and it was difficult to accept this as the “new normal”.
As you’ve known me now for a long time, you’ve always known me as an honest person. In the past I found it much easier to confront my problems and keep the demons at bay. I think it was important to be honest and open as I was. Confronting your problems head on was and still is the best way to be.
At the end of the day, it’s important that we all look after each other whether it’s your friends or loved ones. That’s why I’m so open about my illness as I although struggle to understand it as many others do, talking about it is essential. We not only get that monkey off our backs, but we learn as well.
A problem shared is a problem halved as the old saying goes and I’m a big believer in that. As long we can still work through it, more lives will be saved rather than lost. Sadly during lockdown and even before it many people sadly have taken their own lives because they saw no other option. It’s awful to know that they felt so alone and that’s what we have to change.
I’m fortunate that I’ve had my battle with my mental wellbeing, which I still continue to fight with, I’ve never gone down that road. I count myself very lucky that I haven’t and by talking about my problems, if one person can relate and it helps them it would make a huge difference.
I think you can take a bit of inspiration from close friends and family members who’ve been in similar situations. Hearing from their problems and how they dealt with it was very helpful for me. Of course the NHS and other professional routes were helpful, but it’s really mainly a personal touch that guided me on the road to a healthier life.
I don’t think anyone has the right answer. We all have our own way of dealing with things. Not everyone will find the same avenue helpful. I think sometimes you wake up and wonder if trying a certain way will help you. One thing I learnt was to keep being who you are. Of course not everyone will like it but if it makes you and those who care about happy, that’s what matters.
Be who you want to be and strive to be a better person every day. Little quotes and sayings that are shared via social media will help and relate to as well.
You’ll laugh, cry and smile. Bringing out the emotions will always help. Bottling it up will never be the answer and I’m glad that I’ve found many things to help me and I’m all the better for it.
Is there anything that you would like to share from your own experiences?
As I’ve said, the trouble I found is that there was telltale signs that was on the horizon that I ignored. I suppose hindsight is a wonderful thing when you look back but the journey I went on made me who I am today and I wouldn’t change that. Saying that, I did also go through some very tough periods.
I’m not perfect, far from it in fact. I’m striving and working on being the best person I can be and compared to 2 years ago, I’m in a much better place. There’s probably things building up even before that and I can only compare it to a volcano. It built up so much until it erupted and sadly those were my most difficult times.
It’s much like shaking a can of coke, you shake it and the gas builds up until it explodes. It hit me all at once and I think if you could identify that early you could seek help earlier. That’s one think I regret as I wish I was more self aware to notice these changes early doors. I would have taken precautions sooner rather and later which would have ended up in less difficulties for me, my family and friends.
In my experience, I wish I took advice and information on board. Those closest to you will notice a change and if they do care, they’ll take to one side and ask if you’re ok. I didn’t take that onboard to see that they were concerned for my welfare and you may not like it but you need that wake up call.
You need someone to come to you say “Kev you’re on a slippery slope” or along that context. Just by taking the concern on board regarding my behaviour, it should have made me seek help whether it was talking or reading up about it via the support and resources that are available
For that I’m relieved as it could have gotten a lot worse but the whole experience has made me stronger. I’m lucky to say that I’m still here today. It was a frightening time but take advice, read the signs and seek help. There’s plenty out there and it’s only going to help us get back on the journey to better days.
Why do you think there’s a stigma associated with men’s mental health?
I think it was touched on in your recent blog post with Martyn that there is this stigma of men being seen as the tough, fearless breadwinners. They go out and bring in the income and take the brunt whilst the women would stay home and do the housework.
In previous generations, men weren’t brought up in a way of showing and being honest when it comes to emotion. The answer was get a clip across the ear and get on with it. Even now in 2020, men have an issue when it comes to being “too proud”. I myself can say when I was first diagnosed, it scared me as I didn’t want it to be well known and made myself self cautious.
Are people going to think different of me? Would I be seen as weak? I just wanted to hide away. You’re not doing yourself any favours and by going to talk to a loved one or a professional will only help you grow. You can open up and get these things out of your head which is very important. Being alone with your thoughts, especially negative ones will never be a good thing.
Feed your mind with positivity, you’ll realise it’s ok to open and get assistance. There’s nothing wrong with getting help. I know women have struggles as well and it’s deemed normal for them to be open. Now in the modern era, we’re catching up. It’s becoming more and more normal for men to show emotion and show we struggle too. There’s nothing wrong with us needing a hug either.
It shouldn’t be treated as any different, it is unfair that there’s still a stigma associated with it. It’s down to a generational aspect as well. Growing up from a young age, I bet you’d never hear your Grandfather and his age group seeking help as it wasn’t openly available. I wouldn’t wish bad mental health on anyone, but it should be a more natural thing.
Maybe if past generations were educated more, we’d better off today? But of course, we can only look to the future as we cannot change the past and things are gradually getting better for us.
Look at Paul Merson. I saw that documentary with Harry Redknapp and he was a prime example. He was a big name in football with Arsenal and England but proves to show that anyone can end up on that slippery slope. He had everything and a lifestyle that many still strive to achieve, but it showed he’s only human as we all have our struggles.
You’ve been taking part in Darren Thomas’ boot camps and back involved with Perthcelyn Football Club. How do these environments help you?
To be honest, Darren Thomas’ boot camps have been a bit of a relief. Especially during the times we’re currently in with lockdowns occurring around Wales. It’s getting the best out of a bad situation. As a lot of people will tell you, many of us have gained weight during the original Lockdown period.
One of the things I’ve learned from him and our mutual friend Karl Williams is that fitness is a big thing. It’s a big, strong and positive factor. I’ve leant on Karl, especially during my early episodes with mental health. He’s gone through some very tough times over the years and he in fairness has been a fantastic friend. You would know yourself that he’s an incredibly helpful and insightful person.
He’s also guided me in the past towards fitness and his running helped him massively in difficult times. It’s been inspiring if anything and I’ve used that motivation to help me. One thing he said which was very helpful was that fitness is not just a good way to keep your mind healthy, but a way of finding a release. Just to get out and find your own sense of purpose.
Unfortunately, I’m not at my fittest at the moment. I went through a period of losing my job and currently have part time work but it’s as easy to pick up a takeaway menu as it is to cook food at the moment. So going to Darren’s boot camps is a great way to “get back on the horse” as you were.
Being at the biggest I’ve ever been at this point is disheartening but I know doing things like this, it gets me back into a routine. It also will help me get back to a place physically where I feel more happy and confident with myself. A happy body equals a happy mind and I’m a big believer in that.
The weight hasn’t fallen off as much as it has in the past but it is what it is. What has come from it is that I’ve gained levels of fitness that I didn’t have 10-12 weeks ago when I started the camp. I’ve also learned more about mental health as well.
Of course the 45 min workout is great but there’s a touch of discussion regarding mental health in the sessions as well. It’s not forced on you and you don’t have to speak up but it’s a case of discussing facts and figures. Pretty much just having a chat or going for a coffee. It’s a great community feel with people I knew before and some I didn’t but can now have a conversation with.
It’s surprising how many people you can talk to about mental health and you can relate to. It’s as beneficial for them as it is for me. Like I said earlier, a problem shared is a problem halved and the whole idea of these camps that Darren has set up is a huge benefit to us as well as him.
For me, the football has always been a big part of my life and will be for as long as I’m fit and healthy to do so. I hadn’t drawn a lot of positive effects of mental health from the game apart from a happy body, happy mind sort of aspect. What I have done is made some friends in football, particularly when I was going through my journey. They’ve shared their stories and troubles with me and I’ve done likewise.
My best friend via the game is my mate Mario Scaccia who I met whilst playing for Abernant. The things we’ve touched on via a one to one basis is amazing. He only lives up the road from me which is a huge benefit and there’s things we hadn’t have known about each other if it wasn’t for the breakdown a couple of years ago. The support we gave each other was massive.
I suppose there’s some benefits I took for granted before but appreciate now. If exercise is dealing with something and coping, the friends you gain is also a massive lift. For example, on Saturday (September 26th) we walked on Darren’s last journey as he’s been raising money for MIND. He’s run 11 miles a day over the last 46 days to raise awareness for suicide in the UK.
On the last part of his journey from Pontypridd to Aberdare, we as the group from the boot camp joined him and walked with him. Of course he was further ahead than most of us because of differences in fitness and I was one of them but I’d have probably not have done that 10 weeks ago. Since then I’ve got up and met new people and it’s given me a huge boost. It’s beneficial as it helps me fill the day.
As I’ve mentioned, I’m working part time. I do find odd jobs to do in the meantime but there’s times where I do have nothing to do as the there’s not always extra shifts on the go with Dominos. So the boot camp is a great way to begin the day and get those endorphins kicking in early. It’s a complete change from going to bed at 2-3 in the morning and sleeping through until 12.
That’s not me and you talk about mental health so sleeping through until late doesn’t help. You get up, have a bit of food and it’s back to work as sometimes I’m working until 11 or 12 at night. Where’s the “me time”? You need time to yourself as you need to look after your own wellbeing.
To be honest, I’d be a liar if I said I haven’t gone back to sleep for an hour after the boot camp session. Sometimes I do have a nap for an hour after it but at least I’ve done something positive and physically tiring in order to “earn it” in some ways. I was going to bed and missing the majority of the day before but this is so beneficial.
It’s open to anyone and if they would like to join it’s 6:30 every morning down the Michael Sobell Sports Centre in Aberdare, 5 days a week. There’s great people involved as it’s a massive lift to everyone there.
Is there any other exercises, techniques or anything else which you find helpful and calming in stressful situations?
One thing I described to my family when they ask how I am, is these days I tend to have certain moments instead of episodes. The bad times don’t tend to last as long as they did before. They did go for weeks before and now it’s the odd day. But what it does is give me time to reflect.
Now reflection can happen at any time, like even if I’m just lying in the bath. I know it looks very manly but I find it helpful just by having a relaxing time in the bath. Another beneficial thing for is sharing and talking to others. I went to the Valley Steps workshops and they were a huge help to me. The sessions include courses in your local community centre and they help you to deal and address these issues.
I went to both the anxiety and depression ones as my diagnosis wasn’t entirely specific to either. It was a combination of both and I was very ill as a result. Thankfully, I like to think that now I’m closer to the other side and in a much better place. I went through about the courses in a 12 week period and there was a lot I took away from them. I learn a lot about the illness which I wouldn’t have done so before.
One thing I picked up on specifically was reflection. I found that you could do that any time whether it was on a walk or a drive. Little things like memories on Facebook give me things to reflect on. One instance that stands out was a memory of my Dad who had a cold call from these conmen saying that his laptop had been hacked.
They were saying that his personal information had been accessed as a result and my father wasn’t the most computer literate at the time. In fact he talked so much to the guy on the phone that they gave up and hung up on him in the end. My dad knew nothing was wrong with the laptop, more so because he didn’t even own one at the time!
Reading that took my breath away as a I remember being there for that with my dad and sister. It took me back and I did feel anxious at first and then it made me smile. As you and others know, my Dad passed away a few years ago and it did effect me massively. Memories like that however will remind me of good times like this.
That’s one thing I’ve learnt and going back to our friend Karl Williams, one thing he pushes is to always look at the positives. The negative sides will be there, of course they will but you have to gain a positive out of it. As much as the example with my dad did upset me, in the end I was smiling. That’s the difference at the end of the day.
Mental health can be random. There’s no script and or narrative. Of course medication helps and I was on tablets for 18 months. I hated them to be honest but if I look back, I’ve been off them for 8 months and a lot of positives have occurred to be since. The medication did make me a different person as the mood changes is part of the process, but I didn’t feel comfortable with it.
I needed them at the time as they got me to where I am today. I’m 33 years of age and I hope I’m never on them again, but if I have to so be it. I hope to live a good few more years and I’ll never discourage people to take medication and the brilliant professionals will give their best advice.
I did disagree with the diagnosis initially but in the end I followed the medication course and today I can stand up say I’m here and I’m stronger for it.
I’m not ashamed to say it was a weak point of my life, but like I said it’s a big part of the journey. It’s hard because nobody’s mental health journey is scripted. If you had a cold tomorrow you’d take medication to get better, it’s similar with mental health. It could be music, walking or being with people. You’ll find happiness and relief in something and let it continue to be your go to thing.
What would you say to someone who is struggling and doesn’t know if talking about it is the right thing to do?
There’s no right and wrong answer but bottling up is comparable to shaking a can of coke. The pressure will build and eventually the emotions will explode. Now this could happen in extreme ways like hurting yourself or even taking your own life. It could be as dangerous as that or even in my case have an overnight stay in hospital.
Of course this not only scared me but also those closest to me. It was a strain on the NHS and I thought that it wouldn’t have gotten to this point if I didn’t speak up sooner. Of course I’m grateful as our health service is fantastic and the people who work for it are incredible. They were there when I needed them.
If you can talk about your problems, or vent in different ways like a journal or blog like yourself will be a massive boost. Whether it’s a private chat or not, sharing is caring. You have to find your inner peace and what gets you up and about. If it’s as simple as picking up the phone, do it. Of course social media keeps getting bigger and bigger and it’s eliminating in large parts the art of conversation.
People live on their phones. It frustrates me that people would rather talk online than in person. I still believe the best way to get things out and open is one to one. In my journey, if I had been a bit more aware, I’d have gotten help sooner. I’ve grown in my experiences and become better as a result. Keep talking as it’s a huge benefit.
I’ve recently spoken to a young lad I know through football refereeing who’s had his struggles lately and we’ve had some incredible, in depth chats. He said he found it comforting in speaking to strangers in the doctors than his own family. Of course it had a sort of an opposite effect on me but it proves that talking is most definitely the answer
I know people feel timid and don’t want to be a burden but from my experience, once you open up the journey starts. That could be anything from advice, a hug or medical assistance.
Whoever you open up to will be the beginning towards that light at the end of the tunnel. It’s got to be done and you have rely on someone as if you don’t open up, it will only keep hurting you one way or another.
Mental health is a dangerous game and once you move forward, you’ll never look back. I’m still on my journey as are many others and the more we talk, the more normal it will be. Times are changing, the resources are there help us and we can get through this together.
It’s always a joy spending time and talking to Kev and in this instance it was rather emotional. This conversation was a lot difficult from the usual sort of chats we have as we’re normally enjoying a pint, having a laugh or talking about football.
I’m so proud of Kev and the journey he’s been on. Like many of us, he’s had his low moments but he’s fighting back. When his head is up, he’s one of the most confident people I know. I have no doubt he’ll reach his goals as he’s done it before. His honesty is a credit to himself and his family.
He spoke about our mutual friend, Karl Williams. Anyone who knows Karl will know that he’s one of the most positive and kind people around. Kev and myself are lucky to have people like this in our lives and it proves how essential it is to open up.
Now this doesn’t have to be a friend or family member. It can professional or even a stranger who simply asks if you’re ok. Pride is a burden as our chat explains but determination is the key. Once you get over that hill, the results are endless. It’s a long journey and me, Kev and all of the other people I’ve spoken to are still on them. We are in better places and although we still have bad days, we’re in a healthier state of mind than we were before.
Like I said at the start, Kev is one of the good guys. He’s been through a tough time of it, but to see him come through to the other side is fantastic. His fiancée Steph and the rest of his loved ones have been an incredible resource of support for him. Most importantly he knows he has the strength to push him through. I wish him all the best for it as he really is a top bloke.
Massive thanks as always to anyone who’s taken the time to have a read of this week’s blog post. Especially during these tough times, it’s important we keep talking and showing each other support. We may not be able to see each other but even if it’s a video chat or a phone call, it all helps.
Until next time, take care, stay safe and I guess I’ll see you later!
MIND OVER NOISE 