Chapter 22 – James Williams

The lockdown period was a very challenging time for so many of us. A lot of people, including myself faced periods of uncertainty regarding the security of our jobs. One industry which has struggled arguably the most is the aviation industry.

Pilots, cabin crew and other essential workers in this line of work have either been threatened with or have actually been made redundant due to the lack of travel caused by the impact of COVID-19.

One person in particular who experienced a nervous and uncertain period was my good friend James Williams. I’ve had the pleasure of knowing James for the best part of 12 years and he’s gone on to become one of my closest and dearest friends.

This chat is all about how he’s coped during times of uncertainty as his role as a First Officer Pilot was under threat. He also opens up about how he copes during stressful times and what led him down his road to achieving his dream of becoming a pilot.

The lockdown period was a very uncertain and challenging time for you. It what ways did it effect you?

Lockdown was hard, it really was. Like a lot of us, I was worried for everyone’s health and that was pretty scary. Especially how this scenario was completely new to all of us and was nothing like we’d ever seen before. We all tried to work out what are we comfortable with and how we can cope during this challenging time.

Adapting to the “new normal” of social distancing and emphasis on non stop cleaning caused a huge change. It was very uncertain from both a health perspective and a professional one, as my job was one of the first and one the biggest to be hit by COVID-19.

We were cancelling flights from January and realistically we’re probably going to be one of the last businesses to come out of it as well. A lot of work needs to be done to ensure everything does come back stronger after this huge impact that it’s had on the industry.

For me personally, the effects hit me as soon as things started shutting down. Work told me pretty much straight away that they were looking to reduce the number of staff. This wouldn’t be a small number, in fact it would be tens of thousands. Pretty much a quarter of the pilots would go and those that stay would sign new contracts with revised terms on less lower salaries.

Whilst having stress and worry in the background, wondering if my girlfriend, mates and family were going to be ok, we also had this coming from a professional perspective. I didn’t sleep properly for 3-4 months. I tried to keep myself busy as I went for walks and threw myself into watching films to keep my mind occupied.

I’ve never suffered with anxiety but over the course of the year, I’ve noticed some changes. Silly things, such as refreshing my emails hundreds of times a day waiting for news from work about our jobs. This is a different form of stress to what I’m used to so it took time to adapt. I reduced my news and social media intake and that helped a lot.

We were forced to take unpaid leave instead of being on furlough. Our rosters would be released and we’d be told keep an eye for any changes. So we couldn’t properly rest and switch off. It was a strange middle ground or being on a substitute bench where I’m just waiting for something that might not happen. We were effectively always on standby.

You’ve been on an incredible journey in order to realise your dream of becoming a pilot. How did you cope with the pressure which came with it?

I’ve always been lucky in knowing what I want to do. I knew the hurdles that would have to jumped over as I did plenty of research into how you would get into this line of work. University was hard but was all part of the strategy to get to where I wanted to be. I knew it was going to be a challenge and within mystelf I just threw myself into it.

The same thing goes for flight training. It’s cliche I know but my mindset is “have your eyes on the prize”. Day to day the work might be hard and for the first six months, I didn’t go near a plane during my flight training. It was just constant revision and exams. I worked out that I sat 2 exams on average a week and you have to pass them or you’d go home, simple as that.

It’s not fun but you know you’re doing it in order to get the end goal. To get the fun, you have to endure the pressure and the graft. In the run up to flight tests, you don’t sleep the night before and to some extent that still happens now before I go in the simulator. There’s always that little bit of doubt but the key to beating it I find is to trust yourself and back your own ability.

If you make mistakes, take responsibility and don’t palm it off. It’s something that as long as you can acknowledge it and take responsibility, it builds character and strength which is essential in this line of work.

Being in Swansea for university was great as I was still in Wales. It’s a city but I had been there before, the people were lovely and most importantly, my parents were only half an hour away if things got tough. I could be home in an hour if I needed a break and “home comforts”.

Moving to London was a different challenge for me. It was hard going as I didn’t know anyone or the area. The people I worked with seemed to know the surroundings as they were from the South of England. It was a hard period as I had to adapt, I’d gone from a small town in the Valleys to one of the biggest cities in the world.

I was still quiet and shy. Monday to Friday I’d be great as I was busy in work and then went to the gym in the evenings. It was the weekends where I struggled. My flat mates were older than me so I wouldn’t bother with them and they went off and did their own things. Back then in my early 20’s I wouldn’t have had the courage to go out and try it like I would now.

I had a mate move up in the second year and that helped me massively. I was going out and made friends through my mate and it helped me come out of my shell. London can feel like the loneliest place in the world and that was sometimes how I felt. I knew that I had to get out and try it and that one person that I knew was the catalyst behind that.

You’re thrown into a mix of people from all walks of life during flight training. A whole wide spectrum of society is there and it’s in many ways like the first day of school. You work out who’s the different characters and at the same time it was a strong bonding experience where we were all in it together. We respected one another and become close as a result.

New Zealand was a life changing experience. In London I was still in the UK, but in this case I was on the other side of the world. I was even further away from my friends and family, so you really do bond with those around you. Me and my course mates were all in the same boat and still back each other now. We don’t see one another as much as we want, but when we do, there’s still a great relationship.

I’m pretty sure that will always be the case as we went though this huge bonding experience together. We’ve all got memories and I’d say those guys got me through it. Even when we came back, they picked me up and got me through. My friend Matty was a huge factor in helping me. If I had a bad day or if I was struggling, he’d pick me up and take me to the driving range and laugh at me as I attempted to hit a golf ball further than 5 yards. Some light banter can go a long way to improving someone’s mood I find.

Little things like that are huge in helping you, as it was good to get out, talk and have a release. He was and still is there for me when things go wrong and me likewise for him.

What do you feel is most misunderstood about your job as a pilot?

I think it’s the sacrifices that people have to make in order to do this job. There’s very few jobs in the world where people would willingly remortgage their house to go on a training course with no guarantee that there would be a job at the end of it. There are people I know that due to the effects of the pandemic have training loans and no way of paying them back.

I don’t think there’s any other industry in the world where that happens and that’s the reality of the life of being a junior pilot. There’s a massive financial investment that people put into this career which isn’t understood.

There’s also the work that goes into it. I was fortunate that was in the Future Pilot Programme with the company I work for. Parts of the training was backed up by them and I’m not ashamed to admit that. However, in order to do that there was nearly 4000 people who applied and they took just 70 of us. Then there was 2 years of intense training and we lost about 10% of the people on the course through failing at different stages. In the end, only the top 1.5% made it to the right hand seat of an Airbus.

As I said earlier, I sat 2 exams a week for 6 months. There was the New Zealand experience, practical exams where anything can happen. The weather could change, the plane could develop a fault. It’s out of your hands and you’ve got those to overcome. Basically there’s so many hurdles and then you start doing the job.

Despite it’s challenges, for me it’s still the best job in the world. There is however, the low points where you miss big events like birthdays, anniversaries, that stag do with your mates. It’s missing Christmases, it’s a separation aspect which is hard. People think it’s all partying but a lot of the time, you’re sitting in a hotel room on your own and that can be a challenge.

On occasions it can be quite lonely. Like most jobs, if you’re with a great bunch of people, you’re going to enjoy it and it’s a blast. If you gel well as a team, it flies by.

Aviation is the most regulated job in the world. Every 6 months until I retire I will get checked at work to see if I can do my job. I don’t pass, I don’t fly. It’s as simple as that. It’s an added layer of stress but you adapt to it. You fret about it at first, but you get familiar with it.

As pilots we get a public image that we collect a cheque and rely on autopilot when in fact we put in so much work to get here. To keep it and live with it with an adaptable life is the other thing that isn’t understood and I wish so much that it was. We just can’t book off a day here or there, it’s tricky.

I don’t even know where I’m going to be at Christmas yet. I’m either on a trip, on standby where I could fill in for someone at the last minute or be at home. It can go one of many ways for sure.

You’ve always come across as an honest and upfront person. What led you to be this way?

I think doing amateur dramatics when I was younger helped as it was a confidence builder as you’re standing on stage in front of an audience. Despite being a shy kid in person, I was never really afraid of jumping up on stage.

I’ll admit that I’m my own biggest critic. I used to tend to overthink things and have a tendency to focus on my mistakes. However in my job a mindset like that can distract from a bigger issue, so I’ve developed a strategy I like to call, “the fuck it, bucket.”

If something goes wrong, and I can’t do anything about it right then and have to focus on something else, I say “fuck it” and metaphorically chuck it in the bucket to think about at a later time.

There’s some people out there who don’t even entertain the idea of a negative outcome. That’s not me and I suppose in some ways, I’m a realist as I know there’s not always going to be positive outcomes for everything. I will try and figure out a way to get through it and I think that’s what builds the persona you’re referring to.

I’ve gone from being where I didn’t know anyone when I moved up to London, to going up to someone and saying “hi I’m James” to building relationships, doing the training, travelling to all of these countries and this is where my confidence developed. Working with people who knows the job inside and out helped me too, as having knowledge passed onto was a boost but most of it is down to you.

It’s a sink or swim mentality and you have to push yourself. It doesn’t work all of the time but it’s about setting the tone. You see ‘Top Gun’ and we’re all supposed to be suave and sophisticated but there’s all different types of personalities including myself. I’m from the Valleys, chilled out and I pretty much only really make a deal out of things that have to be. That’s the way I am and will continue to be.

When you’re not working, what helps you to relax and unwind, especially after feeling stressed?

What I’d say is that, I’ve always been a fan of going to the gym and will try and go there as much as a I can. If I’m properly stressed and upset with something, my motivation for that goes away. I’m not one of those who’s going to be going to the gym whilst in a mood, smash out a big session and release the stress that way.

Realistically, I don’t find it in music but just sitting down and putting something funny on the telly. Whether that’s a classic sitcom like ‘Only Fools and Horses’ or ‘The Inbetweeners’, I don’t look for new stuff, I just revert to what I know makes me laugh and puts me in a happier state of mind.

It’s going to make me feel good and aside from that, a hug never hurt anyone and I’m not ashamed to say that. Plus talking about it is a massive thing as well. If I have a problem, I’ll try and work it out and by talking whether it’s friends or family etc has always helped me. Especially you and the boys with the job situation. It helps to get a different perspective whether it’s people from home, flight training or any other part of my life.

Just by speaking to people will help you in difficult situations as they’re there to help. Different opinions help as sometimes your own thought processes aren’t the answers you’re looking for.

Why do you think there is a stigma associated with men’s mental health?

I guess it’s because we were always the ones who were expected to be the leaders, defenders and the tough ones. We were seen as the breadwinner and have to be brave. Society has always imposed that image and it’s hard to shrug it off as it’s engrained in our way of life and people can mistake physical strength for mental strength as well.

Take a look at someone like Gareth Thomas. On first look you’d see a tough looking rugby player. They don’t see that on the inside they’re doubting themselves and going through hell. The same goes for Nigel Owens, the rugby referee. Again, it goes down to mistaking that physical strength and mental strength go hand in hand.

Plus unlike today you just didn’t talk about it. There’s a lot of more people who’re open and honest these days but still so many others struggling. It definitely goes down to a generational aspect and looking at what’s happening in the last 100 years. I mean there’s been two World Wars and the soldiers came back shells of their former selves.

Of course they’re celebrated but they were never really able to speak about their problems and all those they lost. Just by normalising talking about it back then, it could have saved so many lives after the wars just by helping them with their bad thoughts and traumatic memories.

In my job, we have something in place which is the assistance network for Pilots. Basically, it’s a helpline manned by trained and active pilots who’re also trained counsellors. It’s manned 24/7, 365 days a year to offer assistance and it’s an incredible move by the company to do that.

Just by picking up the phone and talking about it will make the world of difference. There’s a lot of uncertainty and a fear complex in my job but these guys are here to help. They have a brilliant setup with some of the best people doing it.

What would you say to someone who is struggling and doesn’t know if talking about it is the right thing to do?

I’d say try it. What’s the worst that can happen? Because, if you go to a friend there is potentially so much to be gained from opening up. This is healthier instead of bottling it up as it would come out eventually.

It’s better to do it in a controlled manner with someone you trust than in an uncontrollable situation where it’s reveals a worse result. Those who care about you are there for a reason and will help you. Once you let them in, it’s the best thing you can do.

As I expected, it was a very honest talk that I had with James. He’s always been a great talker and has always had substance behind what he says. I knew he had a few challenges in the lead up to becoming a pilot and revisiting those with with just shows how determination along with honesty can go a long way.

Even though he spends his time flying all around the world, a pilot is only a human. Just like the rest of us. It proves that no matter what way of life you lead, you aren’t immune to the challenges that everyone else has. The message is essential to keep supporting one another and most importantly to be honest with yourself. Seek help when you need it as by bottling up your emotions is not healthy.

I’m very proud to be James’ friend and of the journey he’s taken to realise his dream. He’s still very much a home bird and we still get to see and hear a lot from him despite the distance. He’s a credit to himself, his family, friends, his job and his girlfriend Harriet. I wish nothing but the best for him and know he’s going to continue in being successful in his role as a pilot.

As always a massive thank you to anyone who’s kindly taken the time to read this blog post. Remember that we’re never alone. Control your narrative and know that no matter how you feel, people do care and that help is always out there.

Stay safe, take care and until next time, I guess I’ll see you later!