If there’s one thing that helps me gain a positive mindset, it’s a regular and punctual routine. This could be just by going to work and having the weekend to enjoy myself or making sure that I go for a long walk. The concept of routine is something very important to me and helps me feel organised and healthy.
The same goes for the person I’ve spoken to for this week’s blog post. I’ve known John Harries or JC for the best part of 18 months. I met him on a mutual friend’s stag do and we instantly hit it off and now consider him a very good friend.
The more I got to know him, the more I realised how important a routine is to him. Those who know JC will tell you what you see is what you get. He’s a very honest person and is very passionate about a number of things including exercise.
We sat down via Zoom and he opened up just how lockdown and the stressful times we’re in had a major impact his day to day life. He also opens up just how regular exercise is essential to ensure his positive mental wellbeing.
How is a regular routine with things such as gym, exercise and other factors important in maintaining a healthy mental wellbeing?
Well to be honest, it’s everything. Timing is very important as well as everything in my life is structured. I go to the gym at a certain time, I like to be at work around 10 minutes before my shift starts. That’s just the person I am, I crave structure.
I even eat at similar times during the day. Half of the reason behind that is due to the health plans that I follow which goes in hand with the exercise regime I’m following. The other half is that it’s another part of my life that’s organised and it gives me a sense of calmness just knowing that everything is in order.
If I’m going out with the wife, I’m more focused on what time we’re leaving instead of where we’re going. My whole life is to a structure and it’s everything to me.
Especially with things like exercise. With most exercise plans, your training and your rest periods are set at similar times because it teaches your body structure. If you keep changing, you’re in danger of burning yourself out.
The process is simple: set a realistic goal, eat well, train hard and results will come to you. Then you get the credit you deserve. When I say train hard, I don’t mean be in the gym every day at 4am. It doesn’t even mean that you have to be near a gym. Just walk the dog, walk to get the kids from school. It could be anything.
So just by keeping to a routine, it keeps a positive and healthy mindset which of course goes hand in hand with my physical wellbeing.
You’re a very honest and upfront person. How do you feel that benefits you?
Personally, it’s the type of person I am. From a mental health perspective, people see the real side of me and I’m not pretending to be something that I’m not. It does split opinions sometimes and some people do think that I have too much to say and that’s fair enough.
I haven’t always been this way. Growing up I’d do stuff to please other people and you end up agreeing to so many things, some of which you don’t really like doing. You end up becoming a shallower version of yourself and lose your own identity. People know me for being honest and that’s who I am and I’m more than comfortable with being that way.
It doesn’t bother me now if people don’t like that, but a couple of years ago it would have.
I’ve learned to accept that you can’t please everybody. People are entitled to their opinion and it was Kurt Cobain who said “I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for someone I’m not” and that resonates very highly with me. People get to see the real side of me.
I’ll never go out of my way to push my opinions or make an example of someone in order to hurt them. I’m a confident person and at this time, with what’s going on in the world I think that being confident is a huge thing. We’re not interacting with people and human beings express themselves more when they’re in a confident mindset.
When we’re not feeling that way, we lose a part of our individuality. Losing confidence causes you to lose a big part of you being yourself and that can be hard to deal with mentally.
I’m currently listening to the new autobiography of former Wales international goalkeeper Neville Southall via audiobook and he’s a huge advocate for mental health. Confidence is something he speaks about and there’s so many negative who will go out of their way to bring you down to make themselves feel better or superior.
Southall teaches us to not try to understand their mindset. Cut them out as they’re a negative influence on you and don’t care about you. That will help build your confidence up as it eliminates a toxic part of your life. You’ve got to look after yourself and if you don’t then why should you expect someone to do it for you. It goes hand in hand and you have to make the effort to realise that change is needed to get better.
We all have our own self belief and people say “I can’t do this”. For me, I notice it with exercise and I know that not everyone is going to be a “fitness freak” and don’t expect everyone to be the next Mr or Miss Universe. Everyone has their own self worth and don’t let someone tell you that you can’t do anything as you won’t know unless you try. Whatever it is, go for it and kick it’s arse.
Self belief is key and even if you feel that you need to lose weight, if that’s your choice, go for it. If it’s bothering you that much, do something about it because nobody will come around and make you do it, it’s your choice. If you need help with it, fair enough but that’s because you want it. Take accountability because you’ll end up being proud of yourself with the end result.
For anyone who has truly and honestly made a change to your life and feeling the benefits physically and mentally, well done. You’ve smashed it!
You’ve spoken about your experiences during lockdown. How difficult did you find it?
It was tough and was more difficult than a lot of people know. The first week or two was fine. The weather was lovely, barbecues were on the go, had a couple of beers and we just chilled with happy vibes. You can only do that for so long and it got to a point where I felt low because I didn’t have a lot to do. I used more of the spare time I had to do more training as I wasn’t as busy because I wasn’t in work.
Until lockdown, my whole life was structured. I had the gym, a job which for the first time in my life I can honestly say I love doing. I’d see my eldest daughter on the weekend, enjoy the football but all of a sudden, everything you base your life on isn’t there and that was very difficult to deal that with and gradually the changes bedded in and changed me.
After the first few weeks, I become sort of lethargic and didn’t want to train which isn’t like me at all. That’s what set alarm bells ringing because I was moping around and couldn’t even be bothered to do stuff with the kids. The weather was nice but just couldn’t bring myself to do anything. Luckily I have the self belief and my wife would give me the much needed kick up the arse that I needed.
If she saw that I was being lethargic she’d tell me to go for a walk or a run. I’d put some music on and within 2 or 3 walks I pretty much asked myself, “what are you doing?” and decided I needed to start pushing myself again. My missus knew I was struggling and encouraged me to get that routine back on the go.
I bought some gym equipment and turned my office area at home into my home gym. I know what to do fitness wise but because I was still in a place where I still wasn’t 100% sure about myself, I decided to get a personal trainer from America. He designs eating and training plans which help me. His name is Joey Swoll and his help has been a huge and positive influence.
Within a few weeks I was back to my best. I had a new and better schedule and wasn’t longing for what I didn’t have. I was eating well and training hard and came out of lockdown in actual better shape than I was at the beginning of it. I was low but I bounced back and there was a lot of positive influences which aided it.
My understanding of myself and what gets me going put me back on track. The new structure was a breath of fresh air for me. Not going to the gym was hard but I created a new environment at home so I could work there and still do stuff I enjoy. I created an office space so I didn’t bring my work to the rest of the house.
The gym area of my home is where I could blast some music and get in a positive mindset through my training.
It all worked out in the end but the influences from my wife, my trainer and my own self belief was key in getting there.
What other factors help you in difficult or stressful situations?
I think it all goes down to what your triggers are and you have to live it in order to realise what does help you. Everyone is different and has their own ways of getting past difficult periods in their life. I have 3 young daughters and my wife so spending time with them is a huge factor in helping me feel better.
As I said before, there’s a lot of negativity in the world but if you surround yourself with good people whether it’s family, friends, colleagues etc, they know when you’re feeling low and can bring you back. If you surround with negative and selfish people who only use you for their own gain it’ll only hinder your progress and push you back down a negative path.
You see far too many people on social media who claim to “be kind” and will then target and bully someone. Just by eliminating those factors from your life will help you have less stressful and difficult situations because the people you give your time to will not bring you down.
Music has always been a huge influence on my life. The music I listen to does tend to be depressing to some people but I have different playlists for different circumstances. Podcasts are also a huge help and I recommend ‘Under The Cosh’ as it makes me laugh so much. It’s a good thing and if you feel happy show it. It’s such a positive and feel good environment.
Audiobooks have also been inspiring to me. Ross Edgely’s book has helped me in learning about training and guidance. It gives me food for thought and it may not be for everyone but if it helps you, go for it.
Anything which keeps you sane and ticking over, find a new normal. I do hate saying that but it’s the way it is in the current climate. Whatever way you find a positive outcome, if it’s getting down that healthy road again, go for it because you won’t regret it.
Why do you think there is a stigma associated with men’s mental health?
It’s always been the way that us men are supposed to be the strong one who carries the family and that people look up to. We’re there to bear the brunt of the family’s problems and it’s been adopted from our parents and grandparents’ generations. Men historically went to war or were the breadwinners and weren’t allowed to show any signs of “weakness”.
It is changing. There’s so many different charities and people you can speak to, some of which is specific for men. It’s just making people aware and it’s something I didn’t think of until the last few years as how you feel is specific to you. It’s making us more aware that it’s ok to open up.
We focus so much on physical health that the mental side is often neglected. So we have to sit down and be honest to ourselves to accept that it’s ok to have these types of problems. We’re only human and the help is out there.
Instead of the age old way of dealing with the problems by “manning up”, we now identify what the problems are by talking about it. You’ll see people tweeting “be kind” and not actually practicing it. Just be nicer as a person every day.
If you go to the doctor it’s hard to accept that and is probably one of the most difficult things to do. However you do it and they’re there to help. It’s hard to understand why that age old stereotype of “manning up” would be a better option than seeking help as it could throw you one way or the other. It might help you, but mostly suppressing these emotions is unhealthy and can manifest itself in some very negative ways.
Even what you’re doing with this blog is a positive way. Some people I know through you have done it and have highlighted that opening up is the right thing to do. Just getting people to go down that avenue to speak out is what we want and platforms like this is key I doing that.
What do you wish was more well known regarding mental health?
I’d like to see more different avenues explored. The first thing that happens do after you go to the doctors is being prescribed tablets. Now that may work but for some it might not. Some people say it makes them feel numb to keep them level and I can see why they do it.
Some people go to the doctors because they don’t have support network so they go there for a qualified opinion and someone to talk to. It’s just medication should be the last resort. I know there’s support groups and counselling they offer and the NHS do incredible work but sometimes you’re waiting weeks and months just to see a counsellor.
Talking to someone should be the key point and emphasised more. You’ll get to the route of the problem instead of seeing it as a “weakness”. Just a chat to be told you’re not alone in this battle is essential instead of being told medication is the only answer.
Again, yes it helps but there’s more to it than that. By changing that side of things will be beneficial on a massive scale.
We all go up and down. It’s just when you’re down, they aim is not stay there for too long and whatever gets you back up is the key.
What would you say to someone who is struggling and doesn’t know if talking about it is the right thing to do?
I would say there is help out there and plenty of people care about you and want to talk to you. It doesn’t always have to be a professional, it can be friends or family. Do not suffer in silence. Go for a walk, clear your mind in a positive way.
As it’s widely known, exercise releases endorphins so get out there and puts you on a more positive road. Mark Crossley, the former Welsh football player has a walking charity named Walking’s Brilliant. It has links to mental health and how positive it is to get out there whilst promoting a positive support network.
Each person has their own way of coping. Personally a lot of the time I want to be left alone and given time to calm down. My wife will let me have half an hour to myself. Everyone will have their own way of dealing with things and I’ll give myself a kick up the arse. It goes against with what we’ve been saying but not everyone can do that. Now I realise that it’s ok to talk as well.
The aim is do something instead of letting your demons take over. Just by doing something will get you in gear and it’ll be the best thing you’ll ever do.
As I expected, there was complete honesty from JC. He’s a very driven person but also like all of us, knows he’s only human and has his fair share of difficulties in life. One of the key points that I noticed is that we each have our own coping mechanisms. For John, it’s exercise. Whether it’s a session in the gym or a walk or run, it’s a positive response to a negative situation which will help you.
I can resonate with that as I’ve mentioned previously that by sticking in my earphones, listening to music or a podcast whilst on a walk helps me massively. For JC, it has a similar impact, but also he knows it’s best to not sit there and suffer in silence as bottling up is not beneficial at all.
Like I’ve said before, control your narrative and never give up because like JC says, we all have our own self worth and taking accountability and pushing ourselves to make that change is the best thing we can do. Once we do it, the results are limitless as we’re helping ourselves and showing that there’s a way back from the dark road that we’ve been on.
When things “get back to normal”, I‘ll look forward to a catch up with JC over a beer as he’s a really good bloke. He’s a credit to his friends, his family and most importantly himself. Wish him nothing but the best and couldn’t be more grateful that he decided to speak to me.
As always, a massive thanks also goes to anyone who’s taken the time to read this blog. More information on Mark Crossley’s Charity, ‘Walking’s Brilliant’ along with links to the ‘Under The Cosh‘ podcast and Joey Swoll’s fitness tips are posted at the end of this post.
Thank you all once again. Remember we’re never alone in this battle. Fight the stigma and never give up as mental health always matters. Until next time, I guess I‘ll just see you later!
https://www.walkingsbrilliant.com/
https://audioboom.com/channel/undr-the-cosh
https://joeyswolltraining.com/
MIND OVER NOISE 