The aim of this blog is to show that it’s ok to open up and talk about our problems but also to show that there is a way back. When we’re at our lowest, many a time we feel like it’s not going to get better. With the right support and self belief we can bounce back stronger than ever before.
The person I’ve spoken to for this post is the epitome of that. Keely Simmonds’ journey over the years is nothing short of incredible. As she explains, it’s been a very tough road which has effected her physically and mentally. However, she’s overcome it with great determination.
Anyone who knows Keely or follows her on social media will know she’s very passionate about what she does. Whether it’s her job, supporting family and friends, her exercise regime or any other part of her life.
She’s also recently signed up as a campaigner for the mental health charity MIND. This shows that she can use her experiences along with her caring nature to help others and offer much needed support.
We had a chat over Zoom and we spoke about a number of topics which all summarise just how important mental health is to us. I’m so grateful that she agreed to speak to me.
You’ve recently signed up to be a campaigner for MIND. What inspired you to do this?
To be honest, it was a decision I made on a whim in some ways. It’s something that’s always been in the back of my mind as I’ve wanted to be an advocate for mental health for a long time now. I wanted to have a platform to speak out and push a message which needs to get out there.
The thing is for me is that we’re slowly eliminating the stigma that surrounds mental health. More and more people are coming forward and opening up which is incredible. The problem that now lies is that sometimes there can be a pretty rubbish response to someone who’s gotten that burden off them by opening up.
I feel that the support that is there for people that is on offer across the border, especially with the NHS can be quite poor at times. They do some incredible things don’t get me wrong just with waiting lists and some of the resources can be much better. I just think there’s still that stigma attached and that I can make a difference by becoming an advocate.
There’s a lot of people who’re positive influences which inspired me to do this. There’s someone I follow on Instagram named Talk To Coco who’s got a significant amount of followers through promoting positivity and openness around mental health. It’s such a helpful tool for so many people including myself.
I’ve got this dream that I can get out there, spread the word and help people but didn’t really know how to do anything about it. I’m still in that position in some ways but with MIND, it’s the perfect way to start. Getting involved with campaigns is a great way to spread that message and who knows where that will take me.
I could start networking, seeing opportunities that present themselves whilst offering much needed support to those in need. My role as a campaigner will base me in local communities but due to the recent lockdowns in Wales, there’s been a delay as to when I can start.
Once they get back to me with a list of campaigns, I can start and it’s a hugely exciting prospect for me.
Do you find it easy or difficult in opening up to someone about the problems you’re facing?
It depends. I’m a very open person who could sit there just tell anyone my life story. That makes no difference to me when I talk about my past experiences and things I went through, its easy to open up.
However, when I’m in that place and moment in time, it can be quite difficult for me and I think that’s down to how our realities can be quite construed about how we’re feeling and what we’re thinking. Our thoughts do tend to become our reality and when we’re in that dark place and those negative thoughts are overwhelming us, we then become convinced that’s our reality.
More often or not, like many other people will know I’ve been in that situation where I feel like I was burdening someone. By opening up, I was putting pressure on them and didn’t want to drag them down anymore. There’s also times where I felt by opening up, I would think that I shouldn’t have done that, put my problems on another person and as a result it’s eaten me up even more.
However I do now realise that no matter what, you’re never a burden. You may feel that way but it’s not reality. It’s just when you’re in that moment, you’re influenced by thoughts which can sometimes be biased.
You’re doing the right thing by opening up and I’m really lucky that I have plenty of support around me. I’ve always had that positive reaction and never been shut down.
Everyone I’ve told has been supportive.
There are still times where I feel a bit of doubt but like I said, it’s important to realise that the negativity is not the reality. When you’re feeling like that, it’s influenced by your thoughts. Your reality during depression will be majorly effected by negative thoughts so if someone offers support, you need to run with that. If they didn’t want to help, they wouldn’t offer it to begin with.
A problem shared is a problem halved. I do find it easy but there’s always that bit of self doubt. Getting over that is the key, 100%.
Is there anything else that you would like to share from your experiences?
I think first and foremost is that everyone needs to remember that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. People never really know what’s going on behind the scenes and it was only recently that someone said to me that “oh my god! You’re so positive and bubbly. Are you like this all the time?”
To be honest, I’m not. It’s quite surprising as when I start opening up about my experiences with mental health and what I’ve been through, I get the reaction that they can’t believe it and that they wouldn’t know by looking at me. What does someone with problems of that nature look like? That’s all of us, everyone has their own battles.
I just wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self where I was going to be now. To those who don’t know, I’ve suffered with my mental health for quite a significant period of my life. I was first taken to the Doctors when I was 13 due to feeling depressed and at times suicidal. At that time, they didn’t want to put me on medication as I was so young.
They offered a lot of support such as Eye To Eye Counselling. They specialised in mental health support for all ages but their work was emphasised on young people. Then at age 16, I was diagnosed with anorexia and became very ill. It got to a point where I was having outpatients appointments at the hospital. It started with one visit a week and then increased to twice a week as my condition was getting worse.
It got to a point where I went to an appointment and they said things had gotten so bad that they said that if I was to get any worse than I already was, they’d have to section me. I had to sign a form when I went to my first appointment to agree to them doing that if we ever crossed that bridge.
They had the consent and it shocked me into reality a little bit. I thought that I didn’t want my life to go that way and if I was sectioned, my chances of recovery was very slim.
I know a lot of people do go down that road and come back stronger but I knew it that wasn’t where I wanted my life to take. I felt that this was something that I could do myself.
At this point I was a few weeks away from turning 18 and had been applying for University after School finished and I had a boyfriend. So I felt that I still had control and self belief within myself to overcome this.
I vowed to change and for me it’s my greatest achievement. I had incredible support around me but I did it by myself.
Since then, there’s been dark times as I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression in University and had a nervous breakdown in my second year. I still suffer with both now but I’m in a much better place. Of course we get good days and bad days, especially with the uncertainty in the world at the moment.
I was doing my masters in forensic psychology. I started last September and was due to finish in the same month this year. It ruined my mental health to be honest and around lockdown began I was miserable.
I went to Asda with my boyfriend and I broke down crying in the car. I was in a terrible state and I felt like I went so far backwards to a place where I was so depressed and worthless. My boyfriend was also struggling with his mental health at the time and felt I didn’t want to burden him anymore as he had his own problems.
For me I’ve always succeeded in that environment. I put so much pressure on myself to succeed that it goes the opposite way of what you want. I’d put work in and instantly have a panic attack because I’d think that I failed when in fact I passed with a high grade. I don’t think that environment as good for me.
It took over my life and then my anxiety got worse due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Then sadly in May my Nan passed away so obviously my mental health deteriorated even more. As a result my Uni work was pushed into the background and I fell behind. I had extensions so when my friends finished their work, I still had 4 assessments left to do.
I finished one of them and with the remaining 3, I spoke to my tutor who advised me to assess my options. I had these assessments left to do plus my dissertation. I also had a full time job as I need to bring in an income, still grieving for my Nan and in a pandemic. It wasn’t a positive environment at all.
I decided at that point to not do the dissertation and finish with a post grad diploma after doing the remaining assessments. I was adamant that I’d do it and never quit anything in my life at this point. I did another one, then made a start on the next one and was miserable.
I’d cry or would have a panic attack when thinking about it. So I thought, why am I doing this to myself? I was in this place where I knew continuing and finishing the course was good for my future but I had to put my mental health first.
I really put a lot of consideration into it and recently I decided to leave the course early. It’s done and I’ve never felt better. The approach I was taking wasn’t healthy as I was focusing on the bad points. I had to change the way I look at things and focused on what made me feel positive.
I’m in a place where I’m so much better than I’ve ever been. If I could go back to my younger self and tell them where I am now it would be total opposite of how I felt then as I thought at times there was no way back and it was the end.
A lot of people feel the same way but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Tomorrow is a chance for new opportunities and unwritten. Things will get better and I wish people believed that more.
Do you feel that social media has a huge role to play in regards to mental health?
I do believe it does in both a good and bad way. It can be the best way of promoting positivity mental health and getting the word out there.
My brother in law is a mental health nurse and he has set up a page on all platforms where he’s using his professional experience to help break down and show what the signs are and what you can do to help yourself. In that sense, it can be used in a really positive format.
On the flip side, I always talk about social media cleanses and that the page/people you follow where it’s fitness models in bikinis and they make feel like crap, then unfollow them. It’s something that’s in your control and will help you. If it’s having that negative effect then you have the ability within yourself to change it.
It depends on the communities you put yourself in. I’ve recently started something called Platinum University and it’s essentially a platform where they get experts in and provide educational tools to help you achieve the lifestyle that you want, covering all aspects of wealth, mental and physical health.
On the back of it, we now have a WhatsApp community where there’s a group with all of us in, one with just females in where we focus on empowerment and it is literally a positive community where people promote positivity and a better way of life. It’s had such a huge effect on me in a good way and I can’t even begin to explain how my mindset has changed in a good way.
Going back to my uni work, I’d never have made that decision without the support of the WhatsApp groups. I still have a certificate for a Postgraduate so I have a qualification. The support was incredible and it helped me in so many ways.
There’s this saying that you become an average of the 5 people you spend the most time with, and it is true. If you’re surrounding yourself with a positive people who’re opening up about their problems whilst supporting each other then you will become a better person for it. I keep saying tomorrow is a new day and it’s true for so many reasons. Having that support around makes such a big difference.
If there’s an argument on a Facebook, I scroll past whilst before I would have been nosey and read the comments. At the end of the day, we’re human and intrigued by drama and gossip. I guess it’s about become aware of who you’re talking to and around you when you’re at your best.
What else do you find helpful to create a more positive mindset?
I find reflection very good to help sort of cleanse yourself of any negativity. I’ve started meditation and find that very helpful. I do it most mornings and it’s a really calm and positive way to begin the day.
People do tend to write it off as a load of rubbish and there was a time where I was one of them. My boyfriend until recently said the same but it’s so helpful and really puts me in a good place especially how I do it first thing in the morning.
It works and if you have a stressful job or kids and that’s the only time you have to yourself to be in your own environment and reflect on what makes you feel good. There’s a really good app called Insight Timer that helps and has a great effect on me for meditation.
If I don’t do any reflection or meditation that day, I will feel awful. My anxiety gets worse so I make sure I do it because I will be so much better as a result of it and I recommend it to anyone. It’s definitely one of those “don’t knock it until you try it” sort of things.
I’ve noticed that you’ve openly spoke about how regular exercise/gym is beneficial. How does it help you?
I think for me it comes a long way from my past. It gives me back that ownership of my own health and body. Linking in the scientific aspect, it’s widely known that exercise is good for you and improves your mental health. It’s a no brainier and it goes hand in hand.
If you do pull back on exercise it does effect you. Like I’ve said it’s been a very stressful time for me and my headspace hasn’t been in it. As a result I’ve stopped going training but also the gyms were closed for long periods as well. I know I can get back to it though.
The hardest thing about exercise is the beginning. Once I get into it, I love it as it makes me feel good and improves my health both physically and mentally. The more you feel like you look good, the better you feel. I love training and last year it was something I was excited to do all the time.
I know I need to get back into but I’m also glad I took a break. When I get back to it, I can approach it from a different angle as I like how I’ve put on a bit of weight during this lockdown period. I want to get strong and healthy in comparison to where I wanted to feel good and I know it’s going to benefit me massively.
There is a link between mental health and exercise and it can be seen as a direct and helpful tool. However when you feel low, you don’t have the energy or drive to do it and you tend to eat more junk food and don’t be as active. Some people don’t go for regular exercise and that’s fine but even if you just go out for a walk once in a while, it’s so beneficial.
If you get into it regularly, it does become addictive as the feel good factor has a huge effect and I for one love it.
What do you wish was more well known about mental health?
I wish it was more known how common and normal it can be to need help with your mental health. When you’re suffering it’s very easy to feel alone, that you’re the only person in that situation and would find it difficult to seek help or open up.
Yes, we all have our problems and a big sign of making improvements in helping those with Mental Health issues is identifying that. However, the very definition shows that if you have a brain, you have mental health. Sometimes it’s good, and other times it’s poor. It has always been there and is the same as physical health.
Physical health has been focused on a lot more and has been treated with more consistent treatments. Mental health on the other hand has been treated differently. I’m not knocking the help on offer but sometimes it can be seen as a quick fix with medication. It’s not like you have a cold and you take tablets, rest and it’s better. There’s more to it than that.
That’s where it comes back to it always being there and it’s about working with it. There are treatments, support and self care techniques that can help. It’s all about finding the ways to help you and bring you back to being the best version of you that you can be.
That differs for everyone. Someone’s healthy mindset is different from another person. What might not work for you may do for someone else. It’s all about trying it, don’t give up and keep fighting.
What would you say to someone who is struggling and doesn’t know if talking about it is the right thing to do?
Please just try it. Talk to somebody and see what happens. The most important thing is to realise that you do matter and your life is most definitely worth living.
You don’t have to suffer in silence. There’s always going to be someone who can offer support and guidance whether it’s a friend, family member or professional. If you go to someone and don’t get the answers then you can be directed to someone who can.
There’s so many options where people can understand and help. Please just give it a go because you won’t regret it. My inbox is always open whether you know me or not. Sometimes it’s better speaking to someone that you don’t know. I am always there for anyone who wants to vent or to ask for help.
If you feel you don’t have anyone to talk to, where you feel like a burden to your family or friends, obviously there are the Samaritans via phone, email and online chat. There’s also great support from an organisation called Shout who if you text them, they’ll text you back.
If you feel that you’d be better off talking to someone you don’t know, there’s so much support and it really is the best thing you’ll ever do by reaching out.
I think it’s fair to say that Keely’s story is nothing short of incredible. She’s so brave, honest and driven. At her lowest points she knew she had to make changes, some where she was at rock bottom physically as well as mentally. To know that she’s in a good place overall is a joy to see.
It was great to talk to her for nearly an hour. I feel grateful and honoured that she’s noticed the blog and even more so that she decided to talk to me for it. She’s a credit to herself, her friends, family and I’m sure she’s going to smash it when she starts campaigning for MIND.
Her boyfriend Kyle has also gone through his own challenges over the past few months, and I’m so glad he’s coming out the other side and that they’re both supporting each other. Same goes for the support network they have with Platinum University. A strong network of community is essential in helping you overcome difficult periods and I’m sure it’ll help so many people.
Thank you as always to anyone who’s taken the time to read this. I’ve posted links to Platinum University as well as contact details for MIND, Samaritans and Shout.
Huge thanks once again to Keely for talking to me and wish her nothing but the best in the future as her ambition and drive will most definitely help her in the long run.
Stay strong, take care and until next time I guess I’ll just see you later!
Platinum University – http://lddy.no/p9k8′
MIND – mind.org.uk or 0300 123 3393
Samaritans – samaritans.org or 116 123
Shout – Text “Shout” to 85258
MIND OVER NOISE 