It’s a new year and here’s my first blog post of 2021. When the clock strikes 12 and a new calendar begins, we often set goals for the year ahead. Some of us are driven by those goals and make sure that we see them through.
Dani Hewitt is someone who I would say is the epitome of being driven. Anything she sets her mind to, she does it. Not only does she achieve these goals, but she puts in maximum effort and passion.
This can be applied to many of the jobs and roles she’s had over the years. She’s an Associate Lecturer in Events Management at BIMM University, a Business A-Level lecturer at Cardiff and Vale College, studying an MSC. in EventS Project Management at Cardiff Met and runs Colour and Creation – a pop culture inspired apparel store.
She also runs W.O.M.E.N (Women of Music and Events Network), an online community which supports women, trans and non-binary people who work in the music industry. As well as all of that, she was part of the 2020 WEN Wales (Women Equality Network) mentee programme, which aims to support and help more women into public and political appointments.
I had the pleasure of working with Dani for a short period a few years ago and got to know her. Through her events management role she’s also worked with a few bands I know in the South Wales scene. Her passion for music is incredible and is always sharing her varied tastes via her social media platforms.
Dani is also a proud feminist and as per the roles I’ve previously mentioned, she uses those to promote the all-important message of equality. That’s not just with feminism, but also racial and social equality as well.
Like so many of us, Dani has also had her own struggles with mental health and like her goals in her professional life, she’s fought them head on in her personal life as well. She’s a fantastic person and couldn’t be more thankful for speaking to me for the blog.
You come across as a very ambitious and driven person. What led you to be this way?
There’s a couple of factors which contribute to my goal orientated mindset. I was never particular a strong student at school. I did ok but was never an academic by any stretch, but whilst I was growing up, I was told that I had to do well in school.
My grandmother and mother sort of drilled that into me from a young age. I think it comes from the fact my parents were only 18 when they had me. They divorced while I was young too, and my mother went back into education in her 30’s to become a nurse, and my father has always had the role of the main caregiver in the family. He’s always been someone who’s stayed home and looked after the children. Which has definitely informed my beliefs around stereotypical gender roles.
Whilst growing up, I saw myself surrounded by single, working mothers. My mother herself was one, so was my auntie and my gran. They were always telling me how important qualifications were and at some point, I must have thought it would mean life was easier with them – not sure that’s true though! But I got the sense that my priority should be on school and university.
There was expectation that I would go to university which I did, and I think as I did my studies, I felt very lonely at first as the early experiences were quite challenging. I did a foundation degree and barely passed. I then went onto a 1st year on a combined studies degree, where I didn’t make a single friend, so I felt very isolated.
I had no sense of direction and didn’t really have anyone to talk to for advice, but I then came across a course on Events Management, and I was already doing music promotion by then, as it was something I felt very passionate about. I’d been doing my own gigs since I was 18, so that course screamed out to me and opened my eyes to what could be achieved.
Music is something I feel very passionate about and the management side of things was very much a go to thing for me. A lot of my friends are musicians and what I lack in musical talent I made for with events management, so it’s a way I can still be involved with something I love.
I barely passed the second year of the degree though, a lot of my attention was on my mother, as she was very ill with post-traumatic stress at the time. I came out of uni and began to work full time as a Pension Specialist for Legal and General, whilst caring for my mother. I felt very reflective and down at the time, so it led me down my first journey towards counselling.
It felt like I hit a brick wall, I was not coping well with the job I was doing – I absolutely hated it. I realised that I was so far away from what my original goal was – to work with bands, when I was sorting through pension fund investments. I always joke that I found the opposite job to touring and that’s bloody pension plans! And I realised I had to find a way back to achieving that goal.
I had used all the funding that was available to me at the time. When I started the Events Management course, they said I had to pay for my first-year tuition fees and then Student Finance would pay for the second and third year. But the fees were still outstanding by my second year and I had to complete the year without any online resources.
I’d also only completed my core modules, so I still had 20 credits outstanding that I needed to complete on top of my third year. I remember taking the phone call from the course leader at the time to discuss me coming back. I was outside Boots on Queen Street in Cardiff and he was telling me that because I had struggled in the second year I should complete the 20 credits and then come back for the third year, and I gave a big speech about how it was now or never and I had to come back. He was just like… ok!
I had to find the money then to go back to university and luckily I was able to work self-employed alongside it which was a massive help and I went into it with a very determined mindset. completed 140 credits in my third year and came out with a 2:1 which was absolutely unexpected. But was the product of that determination, to finish what I had started.
I went in knowing that if I didn’t do this, I’d regret it for the rest of my life. Plus, the mindset installed in me from a young age that I had to achieve these qualifications was still there. I knew I had to have a plan as my mother was still unwell but also, I knew I had to do it for myself. I don’t know where that comes from apart from having no other choice.
It’s a huge part of my personality to be goal orientated and to be organised. My current role as a teacher or my roles in events are all dependant on that. So many things change daily in music, touring and events management so you have to be on the ball. Of course you have to feel under control and that does have an effect on my anxiety but it’s all about learning to manage it whilst being honest with yourself, which of course is always going to present itself in these situations.
I suppose you could call it a sink or swim mentality as I wouldn’t necessarily say that I had a hard life, but I went through certain situations in my personal life that you wouldn’t normally go through. Having my parents’ divorce at a young age, living with my grandmother and being from a family relying on benefits was very challenging whilst growing up.
Having the expectation that I wouldn’t go down a similar path to my parents and grandparents wasn’t an easy thing to deal with, but it did set me on the road to having this goal orientated mindset I have today. It certainly helped create a perfectionist sort of mentality as well. My mother used to tell me “don’t do as I do, do as I say” which resonates with me to this very day.
She says to use her as a cautionary tale, there’s also the expectancy that I’d achieve these goals and do well, but I also set my own goals to show I can do it. Aside from that, like anyone I want very normal things like a relationship or family stuff. It’s just a life lesson I was taught whilst growing up, which like so many people are handed down from their parents. Where I am now is a mixture of that mindset plus my own ambition.
How important is music to you, especially in helping you through a difficult time?
I think my whole life revolves around music. It makes me happy despite how bad some people find my music taste. I’m a grown-up Emo kid but I love pop music and so many other genres. I can’t separate my identity from music, it’s just one of those things and I think finding friends through music is massive.
I never felt like I fitted in whilst growing up, but when I discovered a group of people who like emo or rock music, and who I became friends with, I realised that it was pretty fucking amazing to be part of that community and that they were all a little weird like me. It was such a massive lift, and music came with that.
All my best friends I’ve met at gigs, and it’s the place where I feel the most like myself. It’s a shared culture and where I fit in and it’s something I rely on so much. When my anxiety became really unbearable about 2 years ago, I found music was so helpful in settling me down. If I was overthinking or was overwhelmed with feelings, it just helped calm me down and put me in a better place.
The other thing I thought about is that there’s so many ways of which you can create references and even mantras via song lyrics. If I love a song, I’ll play it constantly. The more I hear it, the more I’ll resonate with the lyrics and feel a connection to the song.
We all need emotional anchors and music has this power which can lift you out of the darkest times. The song ‘Airfield by Enter Shikari features some very poignant lyrics which I find so uplifting.
“When the winds against you
Remember this insight
That’s the optimal condition
For birds to take flight
Now the winds against you
Don’t give up the fight”.
I think that’s prominent for something you really need to hear when you’re feeling low. It’s a massive boost and everything time I hear it, it helps me realise that I am better than this and there’s better days and experiences out there. It hits the nail on the head, especially when you’re reflecting.
Lyrics which stand out go a long way. These songs become a part of me and I do become obsessed with songs, to where they do become a coping mechanism. I feel so connected and it really does mean the world to me. I dread to think what the world would be without music, it really is the best thing and I don’t know where I’d be without it.
From your social media accounts, you’re a self-described feminist and feel very strongly about equality on all fronts. What challenges have you faced when you’ve developed these beliefs?
I’ve previously mentioned that I’ve grown up in a single parent, working mother household as my mother retrained to be a nurse.
There was absolutely no conversation that was ever said between myself, my mother, gran or my auntie who’ve all been working women, that a man should be the breadwinner and solve all of the problems that we faced as a family. If anything, they felt stronger without a male presence there, and that had a massive influence on me.
Growing up in a matriarchal family where there’s a lot of strong women, proved that they are doing what they have to do in order support their family. That the age-old stereotype of “a man will save the day” never, ever entered my mind.
That’s also not a stereotype that I like to share, the idea of, hyper masculinity, as I know there are so many toxic stereotypes as well of men that they [men] are trying to change, including yourself.
The infamous ideology that a woman’s place is in the home is very out of place, especially in today’s society. My family members challenge that and I respect them for doing so. As a person, I’ve always felt resentful that a woman should feel they have do to all of the cooking, cleaning and look after the kids.
I like a tidy house but why is it just the woman’s problem? So I’ve always challenged that impression because there is actually a lot of men who enjoy it just as much as women do. Especially if it’s a team environment and you see so many examples of that these days with people bringing up their kids by sharing the chores.
My gran did have a partner whilst I was growing up, and if something needed fixing she would say ‘Oh wait for him to do it!’ and I’d be like ‘No! I’ll have a go!’. There was this self-resilience instilled in me. I was always going to go out and have a career and maybe I’ll have children but it’s not a priority for me right now.
I have this mentality due to the strong influences from a matriarchal household and has helped me become the person I am today. Don’t have children for the sake of it, there’s plenty to do before you settle down.
I didn’t know what feminism was when I was growing up. Even a few years ago, it was still seen as a “dirty word”. I read a book by Caitlin Moran called ‘How To Be A Woman’ and one of the things she talks about is why feminism is seen as a dirty subject. She asks “do you have a vagina, and do you want to be in charge of it? If you answer yes to both, congratulations you’re a feminist.”
From that I thought “who the hell is going to tell me what I can or can’t do?” I know women are represented differently in the media and that there’s an expectation on what a woman can do with their life. What I really don’t like is when women are told what they can’t do. I can do those things and there’s frustration as a result of it.
Then I started to work in an industry which is male dominated and how I was treated compared to my male counterparts was different. Things which have been said to be since working in the music industry is that I should allow the sexual advances to happen because they work with the bands that I want to work with.
When I’ve been vocal about the sexual harassment that I was experiencing, I would be told that I was making things difficult for that individual and that it wasn’t true. I’d be working a show and a male manager would make a comment about the top that I was wearing.
I’d be like, it’s a sweaty gig and it’s a top that you can see that I have boobs! Congrats! and why should I feel I have to hide my breasts? Fuck you for making me feel that I’m in the wrong!
Making a point of me for being different is one thing, but I’ve also been confronted with the stereotype that I’m only in this industry in order to sleep with bands or “be a groupie”.
I haven’t been taken seriously as a result in some instances, even though I have all the qualifications and experience, but the guy I’m working with is pushed up the ladder whilst I’m not. I know in some ways that can be just life, and I do need to recognise my own bias too.
I have been told by people that they admire me for never giving up. That’s not admirable, it’s sexism at the end of the day. If I get overlooked, I don’t get that experience.
Equally it’s fascinating to me, in regard to social constructs and power hierarchies. I’ve taught a lot this year about social theories, about where feminism came from. I’m also doing my masters where I’m looking into gender barriers, mainly focusing on women in rock music. How do these constructs even exist? It’s interesting to see how the world functions with it.
I feel like a bit of an outsider as not many people have these same goals as me. It would have been amazing at 18 to meet someone who could have talked to me about these gender issues and guide me. When I started working with the Young Promoters Network, that was the role I ended up finding myself in. I identified that I could help others. I’m proud of the volunteers I worked with and so grateful I was part of that journey.
It’s so important for men to realise that feminism is for them as well, as we want equality for men too. My cousin was telling me that he gets told to “man up” and I fucking hate that.
I want emotionally intelligent men around me and the classic male stereotypes are not welcome. Process your emotions and show that you’re an emotional person. There’s nothing wrong with it at all.
It might be worth mentioning that as a teenager, I just completely rejected social gender norms. I hated everything pink, and you could find me in a pair of Bernies and a baggy tshirt, wearing black lipstick. And so, it’s really been a journey to embrace my femininity.
Which now of course, I know is my greatest strength, and pink is my favourite colour!
What do you wish was more well known about mental health?
I suppose the best thing I can wish for, is that people are a bit gentler with themselves.
Rather than focusing maybe on changing the perception mental health, but that we can be easier on ourselves.
Everyone has bad days but being able to give yourself a break when you need it the most is massive. It’s probably one of the most important lessons I’ve learned, and I wish more people knew that its ok.
We’ve all got that “inner critic” and it takes a lot to accept that we do need to take a step back sometimes, but it seems like we need permission.
We’re told to be more active in protecting our mental health, but in those bad moments, just be gentler.
Take a step back, even if you’re taking a day in bed watching TV, do it. You need that little switch off, as it would do you the world of good.
It’s super important to have a rest, and not everyone will be vocal and as open like I am and that’s ok. We’re in a pandemic as well. Everyone has had a challenging time, some more than others. We’ve had to learn this new normal and I’ve been lucky to have been able to work from home but that’s also been stressful. Being stuck in-between the same four walls does get to you.
Be honest with yourself but also realise it’s ok to take a step back. You’ll thank yourself for doing it as well. You’ve just got to walk away, get your head straight and go again.
What else do you find helpful in getting through a tough time?
Over the past year, the pandemic has given me a chance to discover that running really helps. I think it goes hand in hand with body positivity, as I’ve learned a lot more about diet culture and I’ve spoken more openly about my body and physicality.
I found this massive sense of accomplishment with running. Until last year, I didn’t ever think that I could ever run a 5k, but I did, and it gave me an incredible sense of achievement. Working on my time gave me direction and purpose and only in the last month or two I’ve thought that my mental has turned a corner and I feel stronger. Being able to run had an impact on that.
I haven’t gone for a run in a few months now and I’m a little scared to go again but like any other thing you stop doing for a while, after a few attempts you get used to it again. When you’re ready, you’re ready. Don’t rush it.
I haven’t lost any weight by exercising as I don’t feel that’s not the goal. I do have a wedding dress to fit into, but as important body image is, I’m not obsessed with it. I’ve always been up and down with my weight. On the days I feel like I need a change, I do it because I want to.
Also, bubble baths have been my sanctuary. Usually I’d never spend £5 on a bath bomb but fuck it! If it gives you a sense of relaxation do it. I very rarely drink in the house, so I just use the chance to sit and chill in the bath as a chance to unwind.
I’ve even taken my phone in the bath and done some work as well. I’m in a relaxing environment which encourages me to get stuff done, so it goes together very well and helps me feel way better in myself.
What would you say to someone who is struggling and doesn’t know if talking about it is the right thing to do?
I think it does depend on the person, and not everyone will want to talk about what’s going on or has the language to do so. The tools we have in our ‘mental health toolkit’ aren’t there all the time either.
If you don’t feel comfortable, that’s fine. Just those who you’re closer to, just check on them. Those people will feel they’ve developed a level of trust where they can then talk about their problems. Trust goes a long way as you’re not going to speak up if you don’t feel comfortable.
Talking helps me, but I think it might not always be the best way for others. I think then you have to just be gentle with your approach. I’m not the best at identifying other people’s emotions because I’m still learning about myself.
You don’t have to tell everyone everything but checking on your friends and family is so important. Hopefully you’ll get to a point where you find the best way of communicating and start growing from there.
I expected an honest chat with Dani, and I got way more than I could have ever imagined. I’m a sucker for a conversation, especially ones that go on for ages and with her the time flew by.
We spoke for about half an hour after I finished recording the conversation reminiscing about the brief time we worked together, gigs, friends in common and other topics. She’s a fantastic person who’s gone through her struggles but has the strong mentality to come fighting back.
What I respect about her the most is that she knows it’s ok to take a step back and I totally resonate with that. There’s been times with this blog where I’ve posted content for weeks on end but then I’ve taken a step back and had a rest for a few weeks.
She’s fought many demons both personally and professionally. I’m a firm believer in equality especially in working environment and it’s awful to see that Dani was a victim of sexual harassment and discrimination. At the end of the day you should only be judged on your job performance, not your gender, race, image or other factors.
Her love for music and her determination are strong foundations for the person she is. Music is something very important to me and when we first met back when I helped her during her early days when we worked together, we bonded over similar music tastes. This was due to me playing some rock music via my Bluetooth speaker.
When she mentioned that she had a tough time fitting in due to her music tastes and the way she looked was reminiscent of me when I was in school. I was picked on because I listened to heavy music, wore Slipknot or Linkin Park hoodies and eventually found friends with similar tastes. Dani is proof that being yourself goes a long way.
Thank you so much for reading this post. It feels great to be back writing again after a period of time off from doing it. Like Dani says, a clear mind goes a long way and a step back definitely helps.
Massive thanks again to Dani. I’m sure somewhere down the line I’ll bump into her at a gig and we’ll chat for ages yet again. I wish her nothing but the very best and she deserves all the success which comes her way.
At the bottom of the post, I’ve posted
a link to Dani’s apparel store named Colour and Creation. It features a lot of pop culture inspired clothes and items which are designed by the lady herself.
Hope everyone who reads this is in a good way. Remember if you ever need support, there’s plenty of help out there both personally and professionally and my DM’s are open if anyone ever feels the need for a chat.
Stay strong, take care and until next time this isn’t a goodbye, think of it more as a see you later!
https://instagram.com/colourandcreation?igshid=p7gt37kmihmy
MIND OVER NOISE 