Being open and honest about your struggles is something I talk about quite often in these blog posts. Myself and the people I’ve spoken to have found ourselves to be more vocal in order to confront our problems although it wasn’t an easy path to do so.
If you do open up to someone, it’s a massive boost. That could be a family member, friend, colleague or a total stranger. Just knowing someone is listening to you and offering you that arm of support is an incredible feeling. It took a lot for me to get to that point but I’m very glad I did.
One of those people I opened up to during my early days of being diagnosed with anxiety and depression is Elizabeth Jones. I’ve known Liz for the best part of 10 years as she’s from the same town as me. She’s one of those naturally friendly people who if you met her, you’d swear she’s known you all your life.
Sadly like many of us, Liz has had her battles with mental health. She’s been on a long road to eventually being diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).
Liz has been incredibly honest about her journey and is always challenging the stigmas surrounding these illnesses via educational posts that she uploads via her social media. She also uses her love of fashion and music to help her through the tough times, which of course she explains in great detail.
I couldn’t thank her enough for sitting down for a chat over a Zoom call. Her message is loud, clear and most definitely inspiring.
You’re very open about your mental health journey. Do you find this to be an easy thing to do?
This is a funny one because I have ADHD, and people who have this tend to be “over-sharers”. Even though people think that I’m very open about my mental health, it’s literally me experiencing “word vomit”.
Basically in my head I know that I shouldn’t be saying it nor do I really want to, but the condition is causing me to say it nonetheless.
It is good now that I reflect on it because I know that awareness can be raised by the amount that I do overshare so it’s very important to find a balance with it.
Sometimes I do find that I’ll dump a lot of my trauma onto someone who hasn’t really asked for it.
It’s a bit like where I’m having a conversation with a person, especially if I’ve had a drink and I tell them a story about something that happened to me without them even asking. At times I think “what the fuck?” when I reflect on it and I’m sure people think the same when I overshare.
They have to process it and I’m sure it’s a lot to take in when someone just unloads that amount of information onto you. That being said it’s really important to be open about things, but you most definitely have to find a balance with it all. Moderation is key.
With that in mind, I just know that if I did have the mindset to know my limits I wouldn’t feel like I’ve overshared. As I’ve mentioned that’s out of my control but through awareness and reflection it’s most definitely helping me be more open about it as well.
I know some people have difficulties in talking just a little bit about their mental health and the issues surround it, I’m the opposite but need to reel it in a little bit. My boyfriend has said that he’s worried that people would see me for my mental illnesses instead of the person I really am because I talk about them so much.
I’m much more than “Liz who has BPD and ADHD” and a past with drugs and alcohol. They don’t really know the real me so I have to find the correct balance. I’m not quite there yet but most definitely more aware of what needs to be done.
It’s an educational process and I feel people should talk about what and when they feel most comfortable. Sharing your life and knowledge is key but finishing that balance is essential. Don’t get consumed by it.
There are are forums and communities that I’m a part of which supports both ADHD and BPD. They’re filled with intelligent and helpful people although in the BPD community I get a lot of people who can be unhealthy. I hate saying this as there’s so many people who want to get better but there are a number of people who don’t want to and using their BPD as an excuse to act a certain way which can be very toxic.
Shitty behaviour can be excused due to mental health conditions to a certain degree but I do feel there’s a level where you need to be accountable for your actions. I’ve learned that the hard way and I know sometimes you can be a dickhead.
Sometimes I can be a bit “much” and that can be overwhelming to my boyfriend.
My triggers can be overwhelming so he can’t understand sometimes. With ADHD, it’s on an opposite end of the mental health spectrum compared to other disorders although certain things can overlap each other.
My BPD can be very intense where I’m very clingy as I fear abandonment. There were times where I’d think he hated me but now with education, reflection as well as being more open about things,. That’s key to understanding each other and we’ve been together a year and we’re growing stronger by the day.
You’ve shared a lot of information about ADHD and BPD via your social media platforms. What’s the biggest things you’ve learned from it?
With the stuff I’ve looked into, I found that ADHD is very rarely diagnosed in women. Obviously I now know I’ve had it for my life but didn’t know until a few years ago. I was diagnosed around 2017 and didn’t expect it but the doctor noticed certain traits which helped them to diagnose me properly.
I didn’t really know what to do but fortunately I had someone with a lot of information to help me as my friend Kez was diagnosed about 10 years ago. It felt weird as I was going through a bit of a breakdown at the time.
It was a weird process and I confided in my friend which was a massive boost for me. She actually said that she had an inkling that something was up as she noticed similar traits that she had. There’s different types of BPD and the other name for it is Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. I hate that terminology as it’s spotlighting it more in a negative way and basically saying “hi I’m emotionally unstable.”
It’s almost giving someone a chance to cherry pick at you. This is a thing I hate as there’s so many stigmas as people think you to behave in a certain way which is portrayed in films and TV but it isn’t that way at all. People get it confused with Multiple Personality Disorder when it’s completely different.
I’ve always been quite vacant although I’m very positive and talkative. If anything, before my diagnosis I thought it was a sort of self destructive behaviour whilst not knowing there was something else behind it. At first they thought it was bipolar as there was manic periods then depressive moments which made it look that way.
BDP does get a bad rep and there isn’t as much help for it as other conditions. It’s literally been described as the most painful mental health disorder with highest rates of suicide. A lot of professionals won’t help as it’s so difficult to treat. Not all but in my experiences it’s hard to get help.
It’s most helpful and effective way of treating it is something called DBD (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) which is helping trauma to the brain. There’s part of your brain which doesn’t process it and unfortunately growing up I did have times where it was traumatic which all went towards my mental health.
It was around that time I switched psychiatrists and it was a huge and beneficial change for me. He was asking me certain questions that I’d never been asked before and seemed more keen to get to the root of the problems which were effecting me. They asked me if I ever thought about the concept of having ADHD as just by watching me, he could see I was displaying symptoms of it.
I can never sit still, fidgeting and it was quite textbook and the mania I thought I had via bipolar which I didn’t have, was just my very extreme and positive behaviours which was impulsive and let to depressive episodes.
As a result I was then placed on additional medication which added to the ones I was on for BPD and it was actually amphetamines which is technically speed. Which is weird because when people ask how does it works, basically it’s organising my brain as my thought patterns are scattered all over the place.
Instead of getting nothing done and having “brain buffering” it helps me have more constructive thought patterns. My boyfriend often says I must be so tired because my brain just doesn’t stop. I’ll be lying in bed fixating on the littlest of things until 3am.
The more I try not to think about it the more I do. I’ll have conversations in my head but the meds definitely help me manage it.
It goes into my impulses to help me to not drink so much and abuse drugs. I did get drunk the week before my birthday whilst on the meds which didn’t help. I went out with some colleagues and the next day I had panic attacks so severe that my hands seized up. My body wasn’t used to it especially with the meds and I just felt awful.
I’d only been on meds for two weeks and had side effects such as weight loss and panic attacks. It really scared me as the meds made my heart rate go up as well as increased blood pressure. I’ve had alcohol intake since but my body’s more used to it.
That might though I did get shit faced and got in at 3am. My boyfriend had a go at me as we were supposed to go to Tenby to celebrate my 30th birthday.
We got into the car to leave and I was in a state due to the hangover but as we reached the M4 to get to Tenby, my hands actually seized up due to the panic attacks. My boyfriend had to pull over in order to calm me down so it was most definitely a wake up call. We all have them and he said to me that I need to sort things out.
My boyfriend doesn’t drink which helps and I knew in needed to sort my behaviours out, especially with toxic groups. I had to stop bothering with certain people who did a lifestyle of drinking, taking coke and smoking weed. They don’t have addictive personalities and mental health problems. It doesn’t consume them and know when to stop.
It was never just a little bit for me, I’d dive in and take ages to get better by feeling mentally and physically unwell.
The last few months my BPD has been worse and I have had moments where I’ve struggled. I’ve spoken to people like yourself and other friends and family as well as my boyfriend. I’ve lost a lot of weight and I’ve rung my support team for help and don’t feel like I’ve had much help.
They’ve said things like “you’re just having a difficult time” and I know it’s more than that. Like I said BPD is a tough thing to treat and that’s a lot of the feedback you get and I need help. I needed coping mechanisms as I went from bad ones to none at all. I asked to be referred to DBT and they said they wouldn’t because it was “too expensive”.
How can you sit there and say that my life has a price on it. It’s quite upsetting as well as frustrating. The one thing that’s proven to be helpful for BPD. I would feel things like abandonment fears that my boyfriend would leave me. It’s painful and the negativity takes over to manifest themselves in toxic ways. DPT will help you re-evaluate how you view things.
One of my Reddit forums turned out to be helpful as a random person sent me some worksheets which is more than what’s being offered via the support I have from professionals at the moment.
The learning process for both disorders are hard as they are educational. BPD is most definitely the more stigmatised of the two and it’s really difficult to get the help I need. That most definitely needs to change not just for me but for so many others as well.
You’ve been sharing the benefits of your lifestyle changes. What led you to make them and how beneficial have they been?
Like we’ve discussed, the panic attack in the car was a massive wake up call for me. It’s been a year since I’ve last abused drugs and a lot of the changes I can say is down to my boyfriend. Him being in my life is a massive benefit and I owe Ross so much.
We met through friends at a party and the boys kind of warned him about me. Due to the fact he doesn’t drink and he doesn’t share a lot, it was totally different to me as I was an over-sharer. In fact these boys pretty much said not to get involved with me because I’m a lot to deal with.
In the end he thought fuck it and went on a date with me and found I wasn’t like what they said. I wasn’t drunk and abusing myself like in the past, I was being myself and we’ve been together for just over a year now. He got to know me not for what the toxic side I was displaying in the past.
He gets annoyed that people don’t see the real me and still have these conceptions. He tells me I need to realise my own self worth a lot more than I do and to back myself a lot more. He’s right as I don’t have to live like this. Why do I feel like I don’t deserve a better life? I thought this realised I can do better.
That inspired me to apply to university and that’s a lot down to Ross. Like I made the decision and it’s my life but having that form of support is just incredible and having him there is a massive boost and having that genuine connection is amazing.
I went for a good 4 months sober until Christmas with my Mam where we had a little drink. I didn’t feel the need to binge like before and I felt like it was “normal people” did. Like have a sociable drink and then go to bed or whatever. I’d wake up the next day in a good way, not hungover so I felt the benefits for sure. Since then I’ve only had one other instance where I had a drink and that was a few weeks ago.
I wasn’t an alcoholic but didn’t have a healthy relationship with the drink. I could reset myself and know I can enjoy one or two but with the meds I know I need to moderate it. I have been a lot better physically and mentally.
I am struggling a bit more as I’ve mentioned that I don’t have these coping mechanisms any more. There were toxic ones but not having any now is a lot down to the lack of support for BPD but at the same time I’m on good medication as well as having a really supportive boyfriend. Plus there’s a small group of friends I still have who’s helpful too.
There’s most definitely pros and cons but I know to never go back down that road again as it’s more harmful than I imagined before I was diagnosed for sure.
You’re massively influenced by music and fashion. How important are they in helping you through a difficult time?
Fashion is a massive influence and a great help. Another thing with both ADHD and BPD is struggling with self identity as you attach yourself to other people and mimic other people s personalities. When you’re on your own you don’t really know who you are as you’re used to mirroring other people and how they are.
I find with fashion, I’m mimicking trends instead of people. My personality doesn’t change as I do change trends with my clothes quite often. I suppose it feels more of a character change instead of personality and it’s much healthier than what I was doing before.
By attaching myself to a trend it’s so creative. I don’t think I’m articulate and confident in certain things which drives my boyfriend wild. I’m not shy but fashion I know I’m good and confident with it. No matter what happens I know I have that to go back on.
With music it’s everything to me. As you know I love Lana Del Rey. She speaks to my soul and her music means so much to me. She does it every time and her music is depressing as fuck but her songs are so relatable.
I can’t really explain it but I need to listen to happier songs. Me and my friends that I worked with in Topshop used to joke about listening to sad songs whilst working and looking lethargic. I’ve started listening to more cheesy, happier pop punk stuff which helps with that. I love bands like Mayday Parade, Knuckle Puck and mid western Emo bands like Title Fight.
You latch onto the same music for years and that’s a comfort for me. Like I struggle to listen to new bands as I just want to know the words to the songs so I feel like I listen to the older stuff a lot more. Just to know and feel a bit nostalgic but there’s so much out there even with bands I listened to before.
Bands like You Me At Six and Neck Deep have new stuff out but I’m still listening to the old stuff so I need to get back to listening to more newer stuff and broadening my horizons.
I didn’t think I’d miss gigs as much but the pandemic have helped me realise that. My last gig was a band called Thrice and I won the tickets in a competition. I never win anything and loved the gig but I now realise how much I miss going to them.
Music is massive and without it, god knows what we could relate to on such a consistent basis and it’s a go to thing for so many people.
How important is reflection and what can be gained from it?
If you don’t reflect you don’t move forward. I think that if you can sit there be accountable for yourself, it goes a long way.
After a period of reflection I can honestly say that I’m no Angel. My actions have caused consequences and I was horrible to certain people including an ex boyfriend.
He wasn’t a saint but I was very much undiagnosed with BPD and wasn’t a good girlfriend to be around. I was acting up a lot, my behaviour was all over the place and we were together for four years. I never physically hit him or anything but my outbursts caused difficult times.
To get better you need to hold yourself accountable. I know what to do and what not to do in order to move forward whilst noticing certain traits which would cause these destructive behaviours. You’ll just keep getting worse if you keep doing them.
What do you wish was more well known about mental health?
I wish that it was more known that different mental health disorders do different things. You see a lot of these advocates online and they only tend to speak about depression or anxiety. It’s amazing that they do things like that don’t get me wrong but if a person comes along who has schizophrenia, BPD or any other disorder which is outside of the “norm” they don’t tend to help as much or at all.
That is the mental illness. There’s so many types of BPD as I’m quite borderline. I’m not an angry person but there’s a type where more outbursts of anger can occur. Just because I have a mental health illness doesn’t mean it’s the same as someone else.
There’s a lot more to it than that and the more that’s focused on, the better it will be. Support is key and if the right training and information is on offer then that will not only help those who need it but the ones offering the help will know exactly what to do.
You can’t just pick and choose as mental health is such a wide variety. There’s so many illnesses now and people including some professionals don’t understand how deep it goes. We’re not meant to have as much information these days but with social media and the internet, we have more information that’s accessible than we want.
It’s tough for us to take it in and if you have a mental health condition which would be effected as a result, you want to turn to the right avenue for support. Much more can be done to help us with that. Like I said there’s a lot of help out there which is fantastic but not as in depth as it should be.
It has to be moderated too. Don’t ram it down a person’s throat and you will get setbacks. It isn’t a smooth road and once you’re better you can have relapses. I hate being this negative but you have to be prepared to the stark realities of mental health.
You do cope better and expectations do get more realistic. I think people just need to take more time and process things as it doesn’t happen overnight. My boyfriend says the old cliche of “it’s a marathon not a sprint” and that couldn’t be more fitting.
What would you say to someone who is struggling and doesn’t know if talking about it is the right thing to do?
My moods can switch quite quickly and it’s noticeable so if you have someone close to you like a boyfriend, girlfriend etc they will notice it. Ross notices a lot as my thought patterns will cause me to think really stupid things. He will help me find the part to talk about it as he makes me aware that it will manifest it’s way into more unusual ways.
If you don’t feel like talking about it, write it down. A journal, diary or even the notes section on your phone is so helpful. By writing it down you’re challenging that thought because it leads you to reflect on it.
Before you get to the point where you it’s going to spill out, you’ll confront it by speaking to someone or writing it down. You’re not letting the negativity win, you’re backing yourself and goes a long way towards a better mindset for sure.
I expected honesty and an depth conversation with Liz and I also expected to learn more about ADHD and BPD as well. I’d heard of these conditions before but never known anyone with them just read about them or seen examples in films and TV.
Liz’s story is most definitely helpful as she’s offering so much resources via her social media by educating people just what these illnesses are. As she mentions, they’re often mistaken for other things and also the help that’s on offer especially for BPD is quite limited. It’s a shame and hopefully more support can be offered in the near future.
I’m very glad she’s in a much better place than her initial diagnosis nearly 4 years ago. At that point I had just been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and we were supporting each other a lot just by talking.
Unfortunately she moved a few months later and I don’t see or speak as much as before but every now and then we will catch up and especially this chat has shown that just by talking, you learn constantly as well supporting each other.
She’s currently studying in university which shows she is realising her self worth and backing herself. Her love for fashion is still going strong and anyone who follows her Instagram page will see that for themselves.
I’m glad she’s settled into a loving relationship with her boyfriend Ross. She looks incredibly happy and she totally deserves it. Her lifestyle changes are beneficial too as it all aids towards a more positive and healthier mindset.
Like many others, she’s not where she wants to be but she’s a far way from where she was and that’s amazing to see.
As always thanks very much for the support. If you’ve taken the time to read this or any other post it means the world that you have. One day at a time we’re eliminating the stigmas around mental health and making it a better place to talk about our problems.
Below the post I’ve added some links for more information on ADHD and BPD. Thank you again to Liz for speaking to me and wish her nothing but the very best and hopefully I’ll see her soon for a catch up.
Take care, stay safe and until next time don’t think of this as a goodbye but more of a see you later!
www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/
www.healthline.com/health/adhd
www.yourhealthinmind.org/mental-illnesses-disorders/bpd
MIND OVER NOISE 