It’s a massive understatement to say that the pandemic had an effect on many industries over the past year. Many of the things we would do on a day to day basis was taken away.
Whether it was going for a pint with some friends, a trip to the shops or even going to work, so much of our lives changed in such a quick period of time. For many of us this lasted longer than the original lockdown from March to June of 2020 as more uncertainty presented itself.
Whilst businesses reopened and we thought things were getting “back to normal, more hurdles presented themselves. Local, firebreak and another main lockdown further impacted our recovery from this pandemic on both personal and professional levels.
One of those industries that was hit by the lockdown was barbering. Going for a haircut was something a lot of us would go to not just because we needed a trim but it can also be a social occasion. A simple conversation goes a long way and the person I’ve spoken to for this blog post can definitely resonate with this.
TJ Ambler-Shattock has been a barber for the past 4 years and has taken the time to open up on how much the lockdown had an impact on the job he loves as well as a number of other factors.
I’ve gotten to know TJ over the last few months as we’re both members of the Patreon community that supports ‘Sappenin Podcast’. The podcast has been mentioned in past blog entries as I’ve chatted to both of the hosts, Morgan Richards and Sean Smith. The chats also highlighted the fantastic support the community offers to all involved.
By getting to know TJ, I learned more about him, his story and also his struggles over the past year. He’s a fantastic bloke and a credit to himself and his family as he’s confronted these dark periods head on and has come out on the other side fighting.
I couldn’t thank him enough for taking the time to talk to me and his story is definitely relatable and encouraging to anyone going through a difficult time.
The lockdown has had a massive impact on many industries including barbering. How has it effected you?
It’s had a massive effect on me. It was really tough to go from being constantly busy all the time as before the pandemic, barbering was such a massive industry to get into. Everyone needs haircuts and it’s forever busy.
It was a hard reality to face when I realised I’d gone from being incredibly busy to then nothing. The whole thing was really overwhelming and was quite hard to comprehend just how quickly this change had happened. For the first couple of weeks I just hated it as I’m always someone who wants to busy.
To be flat out to stop and not have a packed schedule just floored me. I would wake up with no real drive and sense that I didn’t have a purpose as the lockdown caused all barbers to close. It was most definitely a struggle to sit at home without a routine and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone as it really hit me hard.
It’s coming up to 5 years since I’ve been doing this. I started doing this when I moved to Wales and was one of the main reasons why I did to begin with. I was looking to go into the London School of Barbering but the course was incredibly expensive along with living costs and other things you have to fork out for.
My partner Jai is from Wales and I came across the Cardiff and Vale course which was £450. I was in a good job at the time but it wasn’t what I really wanted to do and didn’t really have that creative license that I craved. I have dyslexia and being in a 9-5 office environment doesn’t suit me at all. I’ve always been creative so I needed that outlet.
Having that need to express my creative side was most definitely something which drew me to barbering. It helped me express myself and nearly 5 years down the line, to look back I can honestly say I’m so glad I made the decision to do it. It was most definitely a now or never type of mentality as I could either sit there doing a job I didn’t want to do or push myself to something I want to do and makes me happy.
It didn’t come with it’s hardships as I fell out with family over moving to Wales and if it wasn’t for Jai, I’d have probably been on my own doing this. That drove me to do it even more as I wanted to prove people wrong and look at me today, I’m happier for doing it. I’ve had knock backs don’t get me wrong but dust yourself off and we go again eh?
Now that I’m back working is huge. I love cutting hair and in some ways it’s my therapy. If my head is clouded after a bad day, I feel so much better after cutting hair. Meeting clients and having new people to talk to is great. I’ve made friends as a result of this which brings me to the point that it’s not just a job but it’s great to build personal relationships with clients.
One of them has become such a good friend that I’m now a Godfather to his daughter. As much as it’s about the passion for cutting hair, the people I’ve met and taught me has helped shaped me to the barber I am today. Like in any job you go in with your own ambition to do well but you have to take some advice and teachings on board too.
There’s a big thing about mental health especially with men. A few of my clients come in and if they’ve had a shit time, they vent or confide in me and trust me with that. Barbers are advocates in a way as more and more men are opening up such as one guy who suffers with anxiety and depression.
He’s currently doing a PHD where he’s studying trigger points and algorithms where people would be revealing traits of any struggles with their mental health. We got talking about it and it was great as there’s such a stigma so it’s refreshing to have these types of conversations when it shouldn’t be an issue at all.
It’s easier to open up after confiding in someone and I put that down to the profession as it’s most definitely a real great chance to have chat and bond I suppose. It’s more than just a job as that shows and it’s just as beneficial to me as it is to the clients.
Do you find it easy or difficult to open up to someone?
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found it much easier. There was a time where I didn’t as I’d bottle things up which of course is not a good thing to do at all. Some instances of this causes frictions and even the end of some relationships as I’d put on a front and keep in what I was feeling to point where I’d implode.
I was one bad day away from doing something stupid. Thankfully I haven’t and as the years have gone by, I’ve noticed and accepted that it’s ok to open up and there’s so much benefits in doing so. It’s easy to talk to my partner, also the Sappenin group is massively supportive to each other.
There’s such a great support network for me these days and I don’t feel I need to keep this stuff in anymore. Opening up and sharing isn’t an issue anymore and I’ve recognised that if I’m feeling like I’m in a bad place, opening up to Jai about it is always a good thing. She’s here for me and not to hinder me and that shows it’s a partnership in name and value.
It’s all good and well to do it on your own but sometimes you do need that rock or that guidance to help you take the reigns. At the end of the day, we all need help at some point. Going back to the Sappenin group, we’ve also built some incredible friendships. Mostly with people we haven’t even met yet because of lockdown restrictions but these will go onto to be lifelong mates.
They won’t judge you for being you or feeling in a certain kind of way and they’ll encourage you to open up about it whether it’s a group chat or a one to one. They’ll do anything they can to help each other and it’s just incredible to be part of that.
One person in the group named El is just a different level of legend. She is literally at times the glue which holds the group together and she along with everyone else in the group are fucking awesome and I can’t wait to see them all when we can do so.
How important is music to you, especially in difficult situations?
Oh god. How can I even put it into words? My love for music kinda stemmed from my Dad as he played guitar and he opened me up to all of the stuff I listen to now.
It’s an indescribable feeling just what music can do for you. When you find a certain song that speaks to how you feel is an incredible thing. There’s a certain song that I refer to as my “depression song” back when we was trouble in the place which we were living in.
The song is by The Rocket Summer and I happened to come across it and it just spoke volumes to me on so many levels. It was such an overwhelming feeling that I cried after listening to it which was rare because I didn’t really cry at that point. To feel those kind of endorphins being released via a band, song or album is just an unreal feeling.
I met Jai through music via our mutual love for Deaf Havana. I’d never think that I would meet the love of my life through a band but they changed my life for the better as if I didn’t go to that particular gig and notice Jai on the other side of the room and got chatting to her, who knows what would have happened?
Music is just incredible though. I love playing bass guitar and I use Tik Tok for it where I can play with people. I’ve built up a bit of a following where I can collaborate with people and I’ve grown up playing with bands so it also brings a connective aspect as well. It’s a brilliant feeling sitting in a room making music with your best mates.
Whether people like it or not, producing something that’s yours from the ground up is a crazy yet awesome thing. It’s helped me in so many situations and music will continue to inspire the future generations.
Bands like The Blackout have inspired so many Welsh bands that we see and hear today and even though they’re no longer together, they still have a massive impact to this day.
Going back to the Sappenin group, our mutual love for The Blackout is what brought us together in some ways but also shows that without music, life would be pretty fucking boring man.
I have an “angry song” by Limp Bizkit which is ‘Break Stuff’. If I’m having a bad day, I’ll just chuck it on and just shout the lyrics. It makes me feel so much better and it might make me look like an idiot but fuck it, it helps me feel better for doing so.
Do you feel that a strong support network is key in helping you through a difficult time?
Absolutely. Nobody wants feel like they’re all alone in times of struggle and feeling that you’re doing it all by yourself is such a horrible feeling. To feel a strong support network around you is massively uplifting as we can’t do everything on our own.
At some point we do need to look for support. To have people with open ears to talk to will always be benefit in order to release that burden of holding everything back. As I touched on earlier, if you’re having a bad day just talk to someone.
If people haven’t heard from you and they reach out with a little message asking if you’re ok will mean more to anyone and make them feel better. It’ll help them on the road to a healthier mental wellbeing as well as a more positive attitude going forwards.
That boost whether it’s a friend or family member reaching out will go a long way but you have to accept you need that hand reaching out to help. By accepting the help you can start to move forward and it’s such a massive gain when you realise just how much people care.
I’m sure it’s tough for these people to take on these sort of situations so it’s important we care for each other. I know in my experiences, the people who’ve looked out for me, I would return the favour in a heartbeat. That’s what friends do the support network is proof that there’s a lot of caring people in the world and we need to highlight that a lot more.
I like to look at it from both sides of the coin as if someone helps me, I want to help them if they need it. That’s how much they mean to me.
What else do you find essential in getting through tough periods?
A lot of it is stuff like playing guitar and having a bit of me time. Putting Spotify on shuffle and learning a new song is very therapeutic. There’s an educational aspect but at the same time, I can switch off from the difficult things to do that and come away with a clearer mindset.
I like to weigh up my options. The stuff that’s going on can be resolved by talking to people but by having a creative outlet and learning something productive is such a positive distraction. What’s the next thing to learn? Where do I go from here? Instead of feeling negative, I come back refreshed and more clear in my mindset to assess my options on where I go from here.
What I try to teach myself now is to find as many positives as I can. It’s so easy to focus on the negative side as you’ll dwell on it and it’ll just bring you down. By focusing on the positive side of things, you can explore a more healthier path to move forward which will always be a good thing.
It helps my mental health as I’m not in a downward spiral by not being in a pit of depression wondering what to do next. It’s a coping mechanism which takes time but is much healthier than dwelling on the negatives for sure.
You can reflect on the negatives for sure as it does also help you grow in some aspects but don’t focus entirely on the bad points as it’ll only hinder your progress going forward.
Obviously, I’ve had setbacks and hurdles that I’ve faced with barbering but it drives me to excel in order to prove a point to the negativity and the doubters. If anything it’s a “fuck you” mentality as if you’re doubting me, I’m going to get my head down, work hard and prove you wrong.
Who’s going to be laughing at the end when I’m smashing it instead of dwelling on someone putting me down and doubting what I do? Me, that’s who and it’s down to being honest with yourself and putting in the work. It’s not easy but it’s so worth it in the end.
Why do you think there is such a stigma associated with men’s mental health?
I think a lot of it is passed down from the older generations. Men had to be men and you and to be masculine instead of showing weakness. In today’s society, masculinity isn’t as prominent as men take more care of themselves.
Whether it’s something like hair and beauty. Men take way more care of themselves these days whether it’s the hairstyles, skin care and other treatments and all it’s doing is helping you look after yourself.
In regards to the stigma, it’s easy for people to shun instead of helping others when it comes to mental health. To say “grow up” or “man up” is never a good thing and nowadays, toxic masculinity does not belong in society at all. There is no shame in opening up whatsoever.
To reach out will help you, not force you back. Look at the statistics for male suicide, it’s a lot higher than the female stats as a lot of men don’t feel they have anyone to talk to or they feel like they’re a burden. That’s not the case at all and I think it’s still tough for many men to open as a result.
Going back onto a conversation I had with a client, a lot of his family will tell him “you’re being silly” when he’s struggling with depression. That’s not helping and it’ll only add to the negativity going on. It’s horrible and I genuinely felt for the guy when he said he hasn’t got anyone to talk to.
He feels like he’s burdening people around him as they say “what’s wrong this time?”. That must be an awful thing and if you feel you can’t be yourself, you must suffer really badly and as men it’s important to look out for ourselves and each other.
We need to be more open going forward and it’ll be a massive boost. I’ll do it for myself but also for my mates too. Just be yourself as people like and love you for who you are. Be open and honest especially if you’re in a bad way.
If you don’t like me, I don’t give a fuck. People love me for who I am and that’s what matters.
What would you say to someone who is struggling and doesn’t know if talking about it is the right thing to do?
Absolutely it is the right thing to do. Talking about will be your saving grace whether it’s the person you talk to or the conversation itself. It’s a lifeline and there is no shame whatsoever in opening up as it’ll be such a relief to let that burden of holding everything in off your chest.
Whether it’s anxiety, depression or any other mental health condition, absolutely talk to the nearest person who’ll give you the time of day. There’s some fantastic organisations in place like MIND, Samaritans and other fantastic organisations which are there to help.
Like I said, I’ve bottled stuff up in the past and I felt fucking awful for doing it. In the end I chose to open up and talk about my problems and it feels like a weight off your shoulders. Whether it’s a friend, family, doctor, counsellor, please do it as you won’t regret it.
That’s what these organisations like Samaritans are there for, to help those who need it. You’re never truly alone and yes we need support around us but sometimes a stranger is the best course for a conversation. I could repeat it a million times as there’s no shame at all in doing it.
My inbox is open, I’d even give my number as if I know I’ve helped someone in a dark period, it resonates to the point I made in how important I felt it was for me to open up to someone. I’ve been in that situation and know the plus sides of accepting that helping hand.
Talking saves lives it really does so please do not see it as the wrong thing. It is the right thing to do. We’d very much rather see you around for many years to come than not have you here any more.
To see the positivity from TJ after times of struggle is so good to see. He’s learned to come out fighting, albeit with help which of course is massive but he has that drive and desire to bounce back.
The fact he’s had his dream job taken away due to this cruel pandemic is awful as it is for many others in this day and age but he knows that having a good support network whether it’s family or friends will only help and together we can get through the dark times.
He is also right in saying it’s important we return the favour to those who’s helped us. If that friend is struggling, just by texting them asking if they’re doing ok can do wonders for their wellbeing as they realise we care about them just as much as they do about us.
Support networks are key and I can vouch for TJ in saying that the Sappenin Patreon community is a godsend. I’ve met so many lovely and caring people, which I’m still yet to meet in person but when we do, I owe them a few drinks and hugs for sure.
That includes TJ as he is a really awesome person. He’s a credit to himself, his partner Jai, his son Arlo as well as everyone else around him. I’m so glad to know he’s back doing what he loves in barbering and is getting rave reviews as he’s recently started a new position at Keep The Faith Barbers in Cardiff.
He’s truly smashing it and is again proving that following your ambitions and putting in the work will only benefit you. I’ve posted some info as well as TJ’s Instagram page in regards to the barbering as he is so dedicated to the craft.
I wish him nothing but the very best going forward and deserves nothing but good things. Same goes to his family they’re a really close knit and supportive one for sure.
As always thank so much to anyone who’s taken the time to read this blog post. Remember there’s no shame in opening up to someone when you’re in a bad place. My DM’s are open and there’s many great organisations to help as well your friends and family.
Take care, stay safe and until next time don’t think of this as a goodbye but more of a see you later!
TJ’s Barbering Contact Details – 02921406954
ktfsc.resurva.com/book
Instagram – @thomas_james_barbering
Sappenin’ Patreon Link – http://www.patreon.com/sappenin
MIND OVER NOISE 