The aim of this blog is to show that it’s ok to open up and talk about our problems but also to show that there is a way back. When we’re at our lowest, many a time we feel like it’s not going to get better. With the right support and self belief we can bounce back stronger than ever before.

The person I’ve spoken to for this post is the epitome of that. Keely Simmonds’ journey over the years is nothing short of incredible. As she explains, it’s been a very tough road which has effected her physically and mentally. However, she’s overcome it with great determination.

Anyone who knows Keely or follows her on social media will know she’s very passionate about what she does. Whether it’s her job, supporting family and friends, her exercise regime or any other part of her life.

She’s also recently signed up as a campaigner for the mental health charity MIND. This shows that she can use her experiences along with her caring nature to help others and offer much needed support.

We had a chat over Zoom and we spoke about a number of topics which all summarise just how important mental health is to us. I’m so grateful that she agreed to speak to me.

You’ve recently signed up to be a campaigner for MIND. What inspired you to do this?

To be honest, it was a decision I made on a whim in some ways. It’s something that’s always been in the back of my mind as I’ve wanted to be an advocate for mental health for a long time now. I wanted to have a platform to speak out and push a message which needs to get out there.

The thing is for me is that we’re slowly eliminating the stigma that surrounds mental health. More and more people are coming forward and opening up which is incredible. The problem that now lies is that sometimes there can be a pretty rubbish response to someone who’s gotten that burden off them by opening up.

I feel that the support that is there for people that is on offer across the border, especially with the NHS can be quite poor at times. They do some incredible things don’t get me wrong just with waiting lists and some of the resources can be much better. I just think there’s still that stigma attached and that I can make a difference by becoming an advocate.

There’s a lot of people who’re positive influences which inspired me to do this. There’s someone I follow on Instagram named Talk To Coco who’s got a significant amount of followers through promoting positivity and openness around mental health. It’s such a helpful tool for so many people including myself.

I’ve got this dream that I can get out there, spread the word and help people but didn’t really know how to do anything about it. I’m still in that position in some ways but with MIND, it’s the perfect way to start. Getting involved with campaigns is a great way to spread that message and who knows where that will take me.

I could start networking, seeing opportunities that present themselves whilst offering much needed support to those in need. My role as a campaigner will base me in local communities but due to the recent lockdowns in Wales, there’s been a delay as to when I can start.

Once they get back to me with a list of campaigns, I can start and it’s a hugely exciting prospect for me.

Do you find it easy or difficult in opening up to someone about the problems you’re facing?

It depends. I’m a very open person who could sit there just tell anyone my life story. That makes no difference to me when I talk about my past experiences and things I went through, its easy to open up.

However, when I’m in that place and moment in time, it can be quite difficult for me and I think that’s down to how our realities can be quite construed about how we’re feeling and what we’re thinking. Our thoughts do tend to become our reality and when we’re in that dark place and those negative thoughts are overwhelming us, we then become convinced that’s our reality.

More often or not, like many other people will know I’ve been in that situation where I feel like I was burdening someone. By opening up, I was putting pressure on them and didn’t want to drag them down anymore. There’s also times where I felt by opening up, I would think that I shouldn’t have done that, put my problems on another person and as a result it’s eaten me up even more.

However I do now realise that no matter what, you’re never a burden. You may feel that way but it’s not reality. It’s just when you’re in that moment, you’re influenced by thoughts which can sometimes be biased.

You’re doing the right thing by opening up and I’m really lucky that I have plenty of support around me. I’ve always had that positive reaction and never been shut down.

Everyone I’ve told has been supportive.
There are still times where I feel a bit of doubt but like I said, it’s important to realise that the negativity is not the reality. When you’re feeling like that, it’s influenced by your thoughts. Your reality during depression will be majorly effected by negative thoughts so if someone offers support, you need to run with that. If they didn’t want to help, they wouldn’t offer it to begin with.

A problem shared is a problem halved. I do find it easy but there’s always that bit of self doubt. Getting over that is the key, 100%.

Is there anything else that you would like to share from your experiences?

I think first and foremost is that everyone needs to remember that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. People never really know what’s going on behind the scenes and it was only recently that someone said to me that “oh my god! You’re so positive and bubbly. Are you like this all the time?”

To be honest, I’m not. It’s quite surprising as when I start opening up about my experiences with mental health and what I’ve been through, I get the reaction that they can’t believe it and that they wouldn’t know by looking at me. What does someone with problems of that nature look like? That’s all of us, everyone has their own battles.

I just wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self where I was going to be now. To those who don’t know, I’ve suffered with my mental health for quite a significant period of my life. I was first taken to the Doctors when I was 13 due to feeling depressed and at times suicidal. At that time, they didn’t want to put me on medication as I was so young.

They offered a lot of support such as Eye To Eye Counselling. They specialised in mental health support for all ages but their work was emphasised on young people. Then at age 16, I was diagnosed with anorexia and became very ill. It got to a point where I was having outpatients appointments at the hospital. It started with one visit a week and then increased to twice a week as my condition was getting worse.

It got to a point where I went to an appointment and they said things had gotten so bad that they said that if I was to get any worse than I already was, they’d have to section me. I had to sign a form when I went to my first appointment to agree to them doing that if we ever crossed that bridge.

They had the consent and it shocked me into reality a little bit. I thought that I didn’t want my life to go that way and if I was sectioned, my chances of recovery was very slim.

I know a lot of people do go down that road and come back stronger but I knew it that wasn’t where I wanted my life to take. I felt that this was something that I could do myself.

At this point I was a few weeks away from turning 18 and had been applying for University after School finished and I had a boyfriend. So I felt that I still had control and self belief within myself to overcome this.

I vowed to change and for me it’s my greatest achievement. I had incredible support around me but I did it by myself.

Since then, there’s been dark times as I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression in University and had a nervous breakdown in my second year. I still suffer with both now but I’m in a much better place. Of course we get good days and bad days, especially with the uncertainty in the world at the moment.

I was doing my masters in forensic psychology. I started last September and was due to finish in the same month this year. It ruined my mental health to be honest and around lockdown began I was miserable.

I went to Asda with my boyfriend and I broke down crying in the car. I was in a terrible state and I felt like I went so far backwards to a place where I was so depressed and worthless. My boyfriend was also struggling with his mental health at the time and felt I didn’t want to burden him anymore as he had his own problems.

For me I’ve always succeeded in that environment. I put so much pressure on myself to succeed that it goes the opposite way of what you want. I’d put work in and instantly have a panic attack because I’d think that I failed when in fact I passed with a high grade. I don’t think that environment as good for me.

It took over my life and then my anxiety got worse due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Then sadly in May my Nan passed away so obviously my mental health deteriorated even more. As a result my Uni work was pushed into the background and I fell behind. I had extensions so when my friends finished their work, I still had 4 assessments left to do.

I finished one of them and with the remaining 3, I spoke to my tutor who advised me to assess my options. I had these assessments left to do plus my dissertation. I also had a full time job as I need to bring in an income, still grieving for my Nan and in a pandemic. It wasn’t a positive environment at all.

I decided at that point to not do the dissertation and finish with a post grad diploma after doing the remaining assessments. I was adamant that I’d do it and never quit anything in my life at this point. I did another one, then made a start on the next one and was miserable.

I’d cry or would have a panic attack when thinking about it. So I thought, why am I doing this to myself? I was in this place where I knew continuing and finishing the course was good for my future but I had to put my mental health first.

I really put a lot of consideration into it and recently I decided to leave the course early. It’s done and I’ve never felt better. The approach I was taking wasn’t healthy as I was focusing on the bad points. I had to change the way I look at things and focused on what made me feel positive.

I’m in a place where I’m so much better than I’ve ever been. If I could go back to my younger self and tell them where I am now it would be total opposite of how I felt then as I thought at times there was no way back and it was the end.

A lot of people feel the same way but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Tomorrow is a chance for new opportunities and unwritten. Things will get better and I wish people believed that more.

Do you feel that social media has a huge role to play in regards to mental health?

I do believe it does in both a good and bad way. It can be the best way of promoting positivity mental health and getting the word out there.

My brother in law is a mental health nurse and he has set up a page on all platforms where he’s using his professional experience to help break down and show what the signs are and what you can do to help yourself. In that sense, it can be used in a really positive format.

On the flip side, I always talk about social media cleanses and that the page/people you follow where it’s fitness models in bikinis and they make feel like crap, then unfollow them. It’s something that’s in your control and will help you. If it’s having that negative effect then you have the ability within yourself to change it.

It depends on the communities you put yourself in. I’ve recently started something called Platinum University and it’s essentially a platform where they get experts in and provide educational tools to help you achieve the lifestyle that you want, covering all aspects of wealth, mental and physical health.

On the back of it, we now have a WhatsApp community where there’s a group with all of us in, one with just females in where we focus on empowerment and it is literally a positive community where people promote positivity and a better way of life. It’s had such a huge effect on me in a good way and I can’t even begin to explain how my mindset has changed in a good way.

Going back to my uni work, I’d never have made that decision without the support of the WhatsApp groups. I still have a certificate for a Postgraduate so I have a qualification. The support was incredible and it helped me in so many ways.

There’s this saying that you become an average of the 5 people you spend the most time with, and it is true. If you’re surrounding yourself with a positive people who’re opening up about their problems whilst supporting each other then you will become a better person for it. I keep saying tomorrow is a new day and it’s true for so many reasons. Having that support around makes such a big difference.

If there’s an argument on a Facebook, I scroll past whilst before I would have been nosey and read the comments. At the end of the day, we’re human and intrigued by drama and gossip. I guess it’s about become aware of who you’re talking to and around you when you’re at your best.

What else do you find helpful to create a more positive mindset?

I find reflection very good to help sort of cleanse yourself of any negativity. I’ve started meditation and find that very helpful. I do it most mornings and it’s a really calm and positive way to begin the day.

People do tend to write it off as a load of rubbish and there was a time where I was one of them. My boyfriend until recently said the same but it’s so helpful and really puts me in a good place especially how I do it first thing in the morning.

It works and if you have a stressful job or kids and that’s the only time you have to yourself to be in your own environment and reflect on what makes you feel good. There’s a really good app called Insight Timer that helps and has a great effect on me for meditation.

If I don’t do any reflection or meditation that day, I will feel awful. My anxiety gets worse so I make sure I do it because I will be so much better as a result of it and I recommend it to anyone. It’s definitely one of those “don’t knock it until you try it” sort of things.

I’ve noticed that you’ve openly spoke about how regular exercise/gym is beneficial. How does it help you?

I think for me it comes a long way from my past. It gives me back that ownership of my own health and body. Linking in the scientific aspect, it’s widely known that exercise is good for you and improves your mental health. It’s a no brainier and it goes hand in hand.

If you do pull back on exercise it does effect you. Like I’ve said it’s been a very stressful time for me and my headspace hasn’t been in it. As a result I’ve stopped going training but also the gyms were closed for long periods as well. I know I can get back to it though.

The hardest thing about exercise is the beginning. Once I get into it, I love it as it makes me feel good and improves my health both physically and mentally. The more you feel like you look good, the better you feel. I love training and last year it was something I was excited to do all the time.

I know I need to get back into but I’m also glad I took a break. When I get back to it, I can approach it from a different angle as I like how I’ve put on a bit of weight during this lockdown period. I want to get strong and healthy in comparison to where I wanted to feel good and I know it’s going to benefit me massively.

There is a link between mental health and exercise and it can be seen as a direct and helpful tool. However when you feel low, you don’t have the energy or drive to do it and you tend to eat more junk food and don’t be as active. Some people don’t go for regular exercise and that’s fine but even if you just go out for a walk once in a while, it’s so beneficial.

If you get into it regularly, it does become addictive as the feel good factor has a huge effect and I for one love it.

What do you wish was more well known about mental health?

I wish it was more known how common and normal it can be to need help with your mental health. When you’re suffering it’s very easy to feel alone, that you’re the only person in that situation and would find it difficult to seek help or open up.

Yes, we all have our problems and a big sign of making improvements in helping those with Mental Health issues is identifying that. However, the very definition shows that if you have a brain, you have mental health. Sometimes it’s good, and other times it’s poor. It has always been there and is the same as physical health.

Physical health has been focused on a lot more and has been treated with more consistent treatments. Mental health on the other hand has been treated differently. I’m not knocking the help on offer but sometimes it can be seen as a quick fix with medication. It’s not like you have a cold and you take tablets, rest and it’s better. There’s more to it than that.

That’s where it comes back to it always being there and it’s about working with it. There are treatments, support and self care techniques that can help. It’s all about finding the ways to help you and bring you back to being the best version of you that you can be.

That differs for everyone. Someone’s healthy mindset is different from another person. What might not work for you may do for someone else. It’s all about trying it, don’t give up and keep fighting.

What would you say to someone who is struggling and doesn’t know if talking about it is the right thing to do?

Please just try it. Talk to somebody and see what happens. The most important thing is to realise that you do matter and your life is most definitely worth living.

You don’t have to suffer in silence. There’s always going to be someone who can offer support and guidance whether it’s a friend, family member or professional. If you go to someone and don’t get the answers then you can be directed to someone who can.

There’s so many options where people can understand and help. Please just give it a go because you won’t regret it. My inbox is always open whether you know me or not. Sometimes it’s better speaking to someone that you don’t know. I am always there for anyone who wants to vent or to ask for help.

If you feel you don’t have anyone to talk to, where you feel like a burden to your family or friends, obviously there are the Samaritans via phone, email and online chat. There’s also great support from an organisation called Shout who if you text them, they’ll text you back.

If you feel that you’d be better off talking to someone you don’t know, there’s so much support and it really is the best thing you’ll ever do by reaching out.

I think it’s fair to say that Keely’s story is nothing short of incredible. She’s so brave, honest and driven. At her lowest points she knew she had to make changes, some where she was at rock bottom physically as well as mentally. To know that she’s in a good place overall is a joy to see.

It was great to talk to her for nearly an hour. I feel grateful and honoured that she’s noticed the blog and even more so that she decided to talk to me for it. She’s a credit to herself, her friends, family and I’m sure she’s going to smash it when she starts campaigning for MIND.

Her boyfriend Kyle has also gone through his own challenges over the past few months, and I’m so glad he’s coming out the other side and that they’re both supporting each other. Same goes for the support network they have with Platinum University. A strong network of community is essential in helping you overcome difficult periods and I’m sure it’ll help so many people.

Thank you as always to anyone who’s taken the time to read this. I’ve posted links to Platinum University as well as contact details for MIND, Samaritans and Shout.
Huge thanks once again to Keely for talking to me and wish her nothing but the best in the future as her ambition and drive will most definitely help her in the long run.

Stay strong, take care and until next time I guess I’ll just see you later!

Platinum University – http://lddy.no/p9k8′

MIND – mind.org.uk or 0300 123 3393

Samaritans – samaritans.org or 116 123

Shout – Text “Shout” to 85258

If there’s one thing that helps me gain a positive mindset, it’s a regular and punctual routine. This could be just by going to work and having the weekend to enjoy myself or making sure that I go for a long walk. The concept of routine is something very important to me and helps me feel organised and healthy.

The same goes for the person I’ve spoken to for this week’s blog post. I’ve known John Harries or JC for the best part of 18 months. I met him on a mutual friend’s stag do and we instantly hit it off and now consider him a very good friend.

The more I got to know him, the more I realised how important a routine is to him. Those who know JC will tell you what you see is what you get. He’s a very honest person and is very passionate about a number of things including exercise.

We sat down via Zoom and he opened up just how lockdown and the stressful times we’re in had a major impact his day to day life. He also opens up just how regular exercise is essential to ensure his positive mental wellbeing.

How is a regular routine with things such as gym, exercise and other factors important in maintaining a healthy mental wellbeing?

Well to be honest, it’s everything. Timing is very important as well as everything in my life is structured. I go to the gym at a certain time, I like to be at work around 10 minutes before my shift starts. That’s just the person I am, I crave structure.

I even eat at similar times during the day. Half of the reason behind that is due to the health plans that I follow which goes in hand with the exercise regime I’m following. The other half is that it’s another part of my life that’s organised and it gives me a sense of calmness just knowing that everything is in order.

If I’m going out with the wife, I’m more focused on what time we’re leaving instead of where we’re going. My whole life is to a structure and it’s everything to me.

Especially with things like exercise. With most exercise plans, your training and your rest periods are set at similar times because it teaches your body structure. If you keep changing, you’re in danger of burning yourself out.

The process is simple: set a realistic goal, eat well, train hard and results will come to you. Then you get the credit you deserve. When I say train hard, I don’t mean be in the gym every day at 4am. It doesn’t even mean that you have to be near a gym. Just walk the dog, walk to get the kids from school. It could be anything.

So just by keeping to a routine, it keeps a positive and healthy mindset which of course goes hand in hand with my physical wellbeing.

You’re a very honest and upfront person. How do you feel that benefits you?

Personally, it’s the type of person I am. From a mental health perspective, people see the real side of me and I’m not pretending to be something that I’m not. It does split opinions sometimes and some people do think that I have too much to say and that’s fair enough.

I haven’t always been this way. Growing up I’d do stuff to please other people and you end up agreeing to so many things, some of which you don’t really like doing. You end up becoming a shallower version of yourself and lose your own identity. People know me for being honest and that’s who I am and I’m more than comfortable with being that way.
It doesn’t bother me now if people don’t like that, but a couple of years ago it would have.

I’ve learned to accept that you can’t please everybody. People are entitled to their opinion and it was Kurt Cobain who said “I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for someone I’m not” and that resonates very highly with me. People get to see the real side of me.

I’ll never go out of my way to push my opinions or make an example of someone in order to hurt them. I’m a confident person and at this time, with what’s going on in the world I think that being confident is a huge thing. We’re not interacting with people and human beings express themselves more when they’re in a confident mindset.

When we’re not feeling that way, we lose a part of our individuality. Losing confidence causes you to lose a big part of you being yourself and that can be hard to deal with mentally.

I’m currently listening to the new autobiography of former Wales international goalkeeper Neville Southall via audiobook and he’s a huge advocate for mental health. Confidence is something he speaks about and there’s so many negative who will go out of their way to bring you down to make themselves feel better or superior.

Southall teaches us to not try to understand their mindset. Cut them out as they’re a negative influence on you and don’t care about you. That will help build your confidence up as it eliminates a toxic part of your life. You’ve got to look after yourself and if you don’t then why should you expect someone to do it for you. It goes hand in hand and you have to make the effort to realise that change is needed to get better.

We all have our own self belief and people say “I can’t do this”. For me, I notice it with exercise and I know that not everyone is going to be a “fitness freak” and don’t expect everyone to be the next Mr or Miss Universe. Everyone has their own self worth and don’t let someone tell you that you can’t do anything as you won’t know unless you try. Whatever it is, go for it and kick it’s arse.

Self belief is key and even if you feel that you need to lose weight, if that’s your choice, go for it. If it’s bothering you that much, do something about it because nobody will come around and make you do it, it’s your choice. If you need help with it, fair enough but that’s because you want it. Take accountability because you’ll end up being proud of yourself with the end result.

For anyone who has truly and honestly made a change to your life and feeling the benefits physically and mentally, well done. You’ve smashed it!

You’ve spoken about your experiences during lockdown. How difficult did you find it?

It was tough and was more difficult than a lot of people know. The first week or two was fine. The weather was lovely, barbecues were on the go, had a couple of beers and we just chilled with happy vibes. You can only do that for so long and it got to a point where I felt low because I didn’t have a lot to do. I used more of the spare time I had to do more training as I wasn’t as busy because I wasn’t in work.

Until lockdown, my whole life was structured. I had the gym, a job which for the first time in my life I can honestly say I love doing. I’d see my eldest daughter on the weekend, enjoy the football but all of a sudden, everything you base your life on isn’t there and that was very difficult to deal that with and gradually the changes bedded in and changed me.

After the first few weeks, I become sort of lethargic and didn’t want to train which isn’t like me at all. That’s what set alarm bells ringing because I was moping around and couldn’t even be bothered to do stuff with the kids. The weather was nice but just couldn’t bring myself to do anything. Luckily I have the self belief and my wife would give me the much needed kick up the arse that I needed.

If she saw that I was being lethargic she’d tell me to go for a walk or a run. I’d put some music on and within 2 or 3 walks I pretty much asked myself, “what are you doing?” and decided I needed to start pushing myself again. My missus knew I was struggling and encouraged me to get that routine back on the go.

I bought some gym equipment and turned my office area at home into my home gym. I know what to do fitness wise but because I was still in a place where I still wasn’t 100% sure about myself, I decided to get a personal trainer from America. He designs eating and training plans which help me. His name is Joey Swoll and his help has been a huge and positive influence.

Within a few weeks I was back to my best. I had a new and better schedule and wasn’t longing for what I didn’t have. I was eating well and training hard and came out of lockdown in actual better shape than I was at the beginning of it. I was low but I bounced back and there was a lot of positive influences which aided it.

My understanding of myself and what gets me going put me back on track. The new structure was a breath of fresh air for me. Not going to the gym was hard but I created a new environment at home so I could work there and still do stuff I enjoy. I created an office space so I didn’t bring my work to the rest of the house.

The gym area of my home is where I could blast some music and get in a positive mindset through my training.
It all worked out in the end but the influences from my wife, my trainer and my own self belief was key in getting there.

What other factors help you in difficult or stressful situations?

I think it all goes down to what your triggers are and you have to live it in order to realise what does help you. Everyone is different and has their own ways of getting past difficult periods in their life. I have 3 young daughters and my wife so spending time with them is a huge factor in helping me feel better.

As I said before, there’s a lot of negativity in the world but if you surround yourself with good people whether it’s family, friends, colleagues etc, they know when you’re feeling low and can bring you back. If you surround with negative and selfish people who only use you for their own gain it’ll only hinder your progress and push you back down a negative path.

You see far too many people on social media who claim to “be kind” and will then target and bully someone. Just by eliminating those factors from your life will help you have less stressful and difficult situations because the people you give your time to will not bring you down.

Music has always been a huge influence on my life. The music I listen to does tend to be depressing to some people but I have different playlists for different circumstances. Podcasts are also a huge help and I recommend ‘Under The Cosh’ as it makes me laugh so much. It’s a good thing and if you feel happy show it. It’s such a positive and feel good environment.

Audiobooks have also been inspiring to me. Ross Edgely’s book has helped me in learning about training and guidance. It gives me food for thought and it may not be for everyone but if it helps you, go for it.

Anything which keeps you sane and ticking over, find a new normal. I do hate saying that but it’s the way it is in the current climate. Whatever way you find a positive outcome, if it’s getting down that healthy road again, go for it because you won’t regret it.

Why do you think there is a stigma associated with men’s mental health?

It’s always been the way that us men are supposed to be the strong one who carries the family and that people look up to. We’re there to bear the brunt of the family’s problems and it’s been adopted from our parents and grandparents’ generations. Men historically went to war or were the breadwinners and weren’t allowed to show any signs of “weakness”.

It is changing. There’s so many different charities and people you can speak to, some of which is specific for men. It’s just making people aware and it’s something I didn’t think of until the last few years as how you feel is specific to you. It’s making us more aware that it’s ok to open up.

We focus so much on physical health that the mental side is often neglected. So we have to sit down and be honest to ourselves to accept that it’s ok to have these types of problems. We’re only human and the help is out there.

Instead of the age old way of dealing with the problems by “manning up”, we now identify what the problems are by talking about it. You’ll see people tweeting “be kind” and not actually practicing it. Just be nicer as a person every day.

If you go to the doctor it’s hard to accept that and is probably one of the most difficult things to do. However you do it and they’re there to help. It’s hard to understand why that age old stereotype of “manning up” would be a better option than seeking help as it could throw you one way or the other. It might help you, but mostly suppressing these emotions is unhealthy and can manifest itself in some very negative ways.

Even what you’re doing with this blog is a positive way. Some people I know through you have done it and have highlighted that opening up is the right thing to do. Just getting people to go down that avenue to speak out is what we want and platforms like this is key I doing that.

What do you wish was more well known regarding mental health?

I’d like to see more different avenues explored. The first thing that happens do after you go to the doctors is being prescribed tablets. Now that may work but for some it might not. Some people say it makes them feel numb to keep them level and I can see why they do it.

Some people go to the doctors because they don’t have support network so they go there for a qualified opinion and someone to talk to. It’s just medication should be the last resort. I know there’s support groups and counselling they offer and the NHS do incredible work but sometimes you’re waiting weeks and months just to see a counsellor.

Talking to someone should be the key point and emphasised more. You’ll get to the route of the problem instead of seeing it as a “weakness”. Just a chat to be told you’re not alone in this battle is essential instead of being told medication is the only answer.

Again, yes it helps but there’s more to it than that. By changing that side of things will be beneficial on a massive scale.

We all go up and down. It’s just when you’re down, they aim is not stay there for too long and whatever gets you back up is the key.

What would you say to someone who is struggling and doesn’t know if talking about it is the right thing to do?

I would say there is help out there and plenty of people care about you and want to talk to you. It doesn’t always have to be a professional, it can be friends or family. Do not suffer in silence. Go for a walk, clear your mind in a positive way.

As it’s widely known, exercise releases endorphins so get out there and puts you on a more positive road. Mark Crossley, the former Welsh football player has a walking charity named Walking’s Brilliant. It has links to mental health and how positive it is to get out there whilst promoting a positive support network.

Each person has their own way of coping. Personally a lot of the time I want to be left alone and given time to calm down. My wife will let me have half an hour to myself. Everyone will have their own way of dealing with things and I’ll give myself a kick up the arse. It goes against with what we’ve been saying but not everyone can do that. Now I realise that it’s ok to talk as well.

The aim is do something instead of letting your demons take over. Just by doing something will get you in gear and it’ll be the best thing you’ll ever do.

As I expected, there was complete honesty from JC. He’s a very driven person but also like all of us, knows he’s only human and has his fair share of difficulties in life. One of the key points that I noticed is that we each have our own coping mechanisms. For John, it’s exercise. Whether it’s a session in the gym or a walk or run, it’s a positive response to a negative situation which will help you.

I can resonate with that as I’ve mentioned previously that by sticking in my earphones, listening to music or a podcast whilst on a walk helps me massively. For JC, it has a similar impact, but also he knows it’s best to not sit there and suffer in silence as bottling up is not beneficial at all.

Like I’ve said before, control your narrative and never give up because like JC says, we all have our own self worth and taking accountability and pushing ourselves to make that change is the best thing we can do. Once we do it, the results are limitless as we’re helping ourselves and showing that there’s a way back from the dark road that we’ve been on.

When things “get back to normal”, I‘ll look forward to a catch up with JC over a beer as he’s a really good bloke. He’s a credit to his friends, his family and most importantly himself. Wish him nothing but the best and couldn’t be more grateful that he decided to speak to me.

As always, a massive thanks also goes to anyone who’s taken the time to read this blog. More information on Mark Crossley’s Charity, ‘Walking’s Brilliant’ along with links to the ‘Under The Cosh‘ podcast and Joey Swoll’s fitness tips are posted at the end of this post.

Thank you all once again. Remember we’re never alone in this battle. Fight the stigma and never give up as mental health always matters. Until next time, I guess I‘ll just see you later!

https://www.walkingsbrilliant.com/

https://audioboom.com/channel/undr-the-cosh

https://joeyswolltraining.com/

The lockdown period was a very challenging time for so many of us. A lot of people, including myself faced periods of uncertainty regarding the security of our jobs. One industry which has struggled arguably the most is the aviation industry.

Pilots, cabin crew and other essential workers in this line of work have either been threatened with or have actually been made redundant due to the lack of travel caused by the impact of COVID-19.

One person in particular who experienced a nervous and uncertain period was my good friend James Williams. I’ve had the pleasure of knowing James for the best part of 12 years and he’s gone on to become one of my closest and dearest friends.

This chat is all about how he’s coped during times of uncertainty as his role as a First Officer Pilot was under threat. He also opens up about how he copes during stressful times and what led him down his road to achieving his dream of becoming a pilot.

The lockdown period was a very uncertain and challenging time for you. It what ways did it effect you?

Lockdown was hard, it really was. Like a lot of us, I was worried for everyone’s health and that was pretty scary. Especially how this scenario was completely new to all of us and was nothing like we’d ever seen before. We all tried to work out what are we comfortable with and how we can cope during this challenging time.

Adapting to the “new normal” of social distancing and emphasis on non stop cleaning caused a huge change. It was very uncertain from both a health perspective and a professional one, as my job was one of the first and one the biggest to be hit by COVID-19.

We were cancelling flights from January and realistically we’re probably going to be one of the last businesses to come out of it as well. A lot of work needs to be done to ensure everything does come back stronger after this huge impact that it’s had on the industry.

For me personally, the effects hit me as soon as things started shutting down. Work told me pretty much straight away that they were looking to reduce the number of staff. This wouldn’t be a small number, in fact it would be tens of thousands. Pretty much a quarter of the pilots would go and those that stay would sign new contracts with revised terms on less lower salaries.

Whilst having stress and worry in the background, wondering if my girlfriend, mates and family were going to be ok, we also had this coming from a professional perspective. I didn’t sleep properly for 3-4 months. I tried to keep myself busy as I went for walks and threw myself into watching films to keep my mind occupied.

I’ve never suffered with anxiety but over the course of the year, I’ve noticed some changes. Silly things, such as refreshing my emails hundreds of times a day waiting for news from work about our jobs. This is a different form of stress to what I’m used to so it took time to adapt. I reduced my news and social media intake and that helped a lot.

We were forced to take unpaid leave instead of being on furlough. Our rosters would be released and we’d be told keep an eye for any changes. So we couldn’t properly rest and switch off. It was a strange middle ground or being on a substitute bench where I’m just waiting for something that might not happen. We were effectively always on standby.

You’ve been on an incredible journey in order to realise your dream of becoming a pilot. How did you cope with the pressure which came with it?

I’ve always been lucky in knowing what I want to do. I knew the hurdles that would have to jumped over as I did plenty of research into how you would get into this line of work. University was hard but was all part of the strategy to get to where I wanted to be. I knew it was going to be a challenge and within mystelf I just threw myself into it.

The same thing goes for flight training. It’s cliche I know but my mindset is “have your eyes on the prize”. Day to day the work might be hard and for the first six months, I didn’t go near a plane during my flight training. It was just constant revision and exams. I worked out that I sat 2 exams on average a week and you have to pass them or you’d go home, simple as that.

It’s not fun but you know you’re doing it in order to get the end goal. To get the fun, you have to endure the pressure and the graft. In the run up to flight tests, you don’t sleep the night before and to some extent that still happens now before I go in the simulator. There’s always that little bit of doubt but the key to beating it I find is to trust yourself and back your own ability.

If you make mistakes, take responsibility and don’t palm it off. It’s something that as long as you can acknowledge it and take responsibility, it builds character and strength which is essential in this line of work.

Being in Swansea for university was great as I was still in Wales. It’s a city but I had been there before, the people were lovely and most importantly, my parents were only half an hour away if things got tough. I could be home in an hour if I needed a break and “home comforts”.

Moving to London was a different challenge for me. It was hard going as I didn’t know anyone or the area. The people I worked with seemed to know the surroundings as they were from the South of England. It was a hard period as I had to adapt, I’d gone from a small town in the Valleys to one of the biggest cities in the world.

I was still quiet and shy. Monday to Friday I’d be great as I was busy in work and then went to the gym in the evenings. It was the weekends where I struggled. My flat mates were older than me so I wouldn’t bother with them and they went off and did their own things. Back then in my early 20’s I wouldn’t have had the courage to go out and try it like I would now.

I had a mate move up in the second year and that helped me massively. I was going out and made friends through my mate and it helped me come out of my shell. London can feel like the loneliest place in the world and that was sometimes how I felt. I knew that I had to get out and try it and that one person that I knew was the catalyst behind that.

You’re thrown into a mix of people from all walks of life during flight training. A whole wide spectrum of society is there and it’s in many ways like the first day of school. You work out who’s the different characters and at the same time it was a strong bonding experience where we were all in it together. We respected one another and become close as a result.

New Zealand was a life changing experience. In London I was still in the UK, but in this case I was on the other side of the world. I was even further away from my friends and family, so you really do bond with those around you. Me and my course mates were all in the same boat and still back each other now. We don’t see one another as much as we want, but when we do, there’s still a great relationship.

I’m pretty sure that will always be the case as we went though this huge bonding experience together. We’ve all got memories and I’d say those guys got me through it. Even when we came back, they picked me up and got me through. My friend Matty was a huge factor in helping me. If I had a bad day or if I was struggling, he’d pick me up and take me to the driving range and laugh at me as I attempted to hit a golf ball further than 5 yards. Some light banter can go a long way to improving someone’s mood I find.

Little things like that are huge in helping you, as it was good to get out, talk and have a release. He was and still is there for me when things go wrong and me likewise for him.

What do you feel is most misunderstood about your job as a pilot?

I think it’s the sacrifices that people have to make in order to do this job. There’s very few jobs in the world where people would willingly remortgage their house to go on a training course with no guarantee that there would be a job at the end of it. There are people I know that due to the effects of the pandemic have training loans and no way of paying them back.

I don’t think there’s any other industry in the world where that happens and that’s the reality of the life of being a junior pilot. There’s a massive financial investment that people put into this career which isn’t understood.

There’s also the work that goes into it. I was fortunate that was in the Future Pilot Programme with the company I work for. Parts of the training was backed up by them and I’m not ashamed to admit that. However, in order to do that there was nearly 4000 people who applied and they took just 70 of us. Then there was 2 years of intense training and we lost about 10% of the people on the course through failing at different stages. In the end, only the top 1.5% made it to the right hand seat of an Airbus.

As I said earlier, I sat 2 exams a week for 6 months. There was the New Zealand experience, practical exams where anything can happen. The weather could change, the plane could develop a fault. It’s out of your hands and you’ve got those to overcome. Basically there’s so many hurdles and then you start doing the job.

Despite it’s challenges, for me it’s still the best job in the world. There is however, the low points where you miss big events like birthdays, anniversaries, that stag do with your mates. It’s missing Christmases, it’s a separation aspect which is hard. People think it’s all partying but a lot of the time, you’re sitting in a hotel room on your own and that can be a challenge.

On occasions it can be quite lonely. Like most jobs, if you’re with a great bunch of people, you’re going to enjoy it and it’s a blast. If you gel well as a team, it flies by.

Aviation is the most regulated job in the world. Every 6 months until I retire I will get checked at work to see if I can do my job. I don’t pass, I don’t fly. It’s as simple as that. It’s an added layer of stress but you adapt to it. You fret about it at first, but you get familiar with it.

As pilots we get a public image that we collect a cheque and rely on autopilot when in fact we put in so much work to get here. To keep it and live with it with an adaptable life is the other thing that isn’t understood and I wish so much that it was. We just can’t book off a day here or there, it’s tricky.

I don’t even know where I’m going to be at Christmas yet. I’m either on a trip, on standby where I could fill in for someone at the last minute or be at home. It can go one of many ways for sure.

You’ve always come across as an honest and upfront person. What led you to be this way?

I think doing amateur dramatics when I was younger helped as it was a confidence builder as you’re standing on stage in front of an audience. Despite being a shy kid in person, I was never really afraid of jumping up on stage.

I’ll admit that I’m my own biggest critic. I used to tend to overthink things and have a tendency to focus on my mistakes. However in my job a mindset like that can distract from a bigger issue, so I’ve developed a strategy I like to call, “the fuck it, bucket.”

If something goes wrong, and I can’t do anything about it right then and have to focus on something else, I say “fuck it” and metaphorically chuck it in the bucket to think about at a later time.

There’s some people out there who don’t even entertain the idea of a negative outcome. That’s not me and I suppose in some ways, I’m a realist as I know there’s not always going to be positive outcomes for everything. I will try and figure out a way to get through it and I think that’s what builds the persona you’re referring to.

I’ve gone from being where I didn’t know anyone when I moved up to London, to going up to someone and saying “hi I’m James” to building relationships, doing the training, travelling to all of these countries and this is where my confidence developed. Working with people who knows the job inside and out helped me too, as having knowledge passed onto was a boost but most of it is down to you.

It’s a sink or swim mentality and you have to push yourself. It doesn’t work all of the time but it’s about setting the tone. You see ‘Top Gun’ and we’re all supposed to be suave and sophisticated but there’s all different types of personalities including myself. I’m from the Valleys, chilled out and I pretty much only really make a deal out of things that have to be. That’s the way I am and will continue to be.

When you’re not working, what helps you to relax and unwind, especially after feeling stressed?

What I’d say is that, I’ve always been a fan of going to the gym and will try and go there as much as a I can. If I’m properly stressed and upset with something, my motivation for that goes away. I’m not one of those who’s going to be going to the gym whilst in a mood, smash out a big session and release the stress that way.

Realistically, I don’t find it in music but just sitting down and putting something funny on the telly. Whether that’s a classic sitcom like ‘Only Fools and Horses’ or ‘The Inbetweeners’, I don’t look for new stuff, I just revert to what I know makes me laugh and puts me in a happier state of mind.

It’s going to make me feel good and aside from that, a hug never hurt anyone and I’m not ashamed to say that. Plus talking about it is a massive thing as well. If I have a problem, I’ll try and work it out and by talking whether it’s friends or family etc has always helped me. Especially you and the boys with the job situation. It helps to get a different perspective whether it’s people from home, flight training or any other part of my life.

Just by speaking to people will help you in difficult situations as they’re there to help. Different opinions help as sometimes your own thought processes aren’t the answers you’re looking for.

Why do you think there is a stigma associated with men’s mental health?

I guess it’s because we were always the ones who were expected to be the leaders, defenders and the tough ones. We were seen as the breadwinner and have to be brave. Society has always imposed that image and it’s hard to shrug it off as it’s engrained in our way of life and people can mistake physical strength for mental strength as well.

Take a look at someone like Gareth Thomas. On first look you’d see a tough looking rugby player. They don’t see that on the inside they’re doubting themselves and going through hell. The same goes for Nigel Owens, the rugby referee. Again, it goes down to mistaking that physical strength and mental strength go hand in hand.

Plus unlike today you just didn’t talk about it. There’s a lot of more people who’re open and honest these days but still so many others struggling. It definitely goes down to a generational aspect and looking at what’s happening in the last 100 years. I mean there’s been two World Wars and the soldiers came back shells of their former selves.

Of course they’re celebrated but they were never really able to speak about their problems and all those they lost. Just by normalising talking about it back then, it could have saved so many lives after the wars just by helping them with their bad thoughts and traumatic memories.

In my job, we have something in place which is the assistance network for Pilots. Basically, it’s a helpline manned by trained and active pilots who’re also trained counsellors. It’s manned 24/7, 365 days a year to offer assistance and it’s an incredible move by the company to do that.

Just by picking up the phone and talking about it will make the world of difference. There’s a lot of uncertainty and a fear complex in my job but these guys are here to help. They have a brilliant setup with some of the best people doing it.

What would you say to someone who is struggling and doesn’t know if talking about it is the right thing to do?

I’d say try it. What’s the worst that can happen? Because, if you go to a friend there is potentially so much to be gained from opening up. This is healthier instead of bottling it up as it would come out eventually.

It’s better to do it in a controlled manner with someone you trust than in an uncontrollable situation where it’s reveals a worse result. Those who care about you are there for a reason and will help you. Once you let them in, it’s the best thing you can do.

As I expected, it was a very honest talk that I had with James. He’s always been a great talker and has always had substance behind what he says. I knew he had a few challenges in the lead up to becoming a pilot and revisiting those with with just shows how determination along with honesty can go a long way.

Even though he spends his time flying all around the world, a pilot is only a human. Just like the rest of us. It proves that no matter what way of life you lead, you aren’t immune to the challenges that everyone else has. The message is essential to keep supporting one another and most importantly to be honest with yourself. Seek help when you need it as by bottling up your emotions is not healthy.

I’m very proud to be James’ friend and of the journey he’s taken to realise his dream. He’s still very much a home bird and we still get to see and hear a lot from him despite the distance. He’s a credit to himself, his family, friends, his job and his girlfriend Harriet. I wish nothing but the best for him and know he’s going to continue in being successful in his role as a pilot.

As always a massive thank you to anyone who’s kindly taken the time to read this blog post. Remember that we’re never alone. Control your narrative and know that no matter how you feel, people do care and that help is always out there.

Stay safe, take care and until next time, I guess I’ll see you later!

This past Saturday (October 11th) marked World Mental Health Day. The day featured many people opening up and showing their strength against the demons which they fight each and every day.

One person in particular is the person I’ve chatted to for this week’s blog post. I met Robert Percy via the most modern way of meeting people which is online. We’re both members of fan groups for ‘The Simpsons’ and ‘Pro Wrestling’ and hit it off whilst chatting about these topics and found we have more in common.

I come to find that we have similar (and sometimes different) tastes in music ranging through many genres and other sports. Robert is also very honest and passionate on topics such as LGBTQ+ rights, politics, racism and mental health.

Therefore, I thought he’d be the perfect person to talk to for the blog and thankfully he accepted the invitation.

You’re a very honest and open person. How difficult did you find it in being upfront about your mental health?

Very difficult, actually. I still find it very difficult at times to open up and talk about my problems. There is a lot of stuff that goes on that I never talk about publicly and, to be honest, I prefer things to be that way. Mainly because of how vicious other people can be about things they don’t understand.

I don’t actually think that I’m a massively open and honest person. Honest? Yes, to the point where I’ve been branded as unlikeable or a dickhead by other people.

Open? Fuck no! I just give off that impression because I like to chat to people on social media. Every so often I will try to talk about issues I have had with myself, with others or with the world in general.

In reality, I’m a very socially awkward and anxious person who prefers to be left alone a lot of the time. That’s probably part of the reason why I like social media so much.

When something annoys you a lot on social media, you can just make it go away by a click of a button whether it’s unfollowing someone or even blocking them.

You don’t have to really deal with the consequences of telling somebody to go and stick it where the sun doesn’t shine if they aren’t willing to give you the time of day about something. Whereas, if it was in person it would be a very drawn out and sometimes stressful situation.

Do you find it easy to talk to someone?

To be honest, not really. I’ve always had a “keep calm and carry on” sort of mentality when it comes to dealing with personal problems. That means I often don’t talk to anyone about things until it’s affecting me so badly that I struggle with things I normally don’t struggle with.

At that point I would speak to someone. Reflecting on it, maybe I should stop doing this as it’s not healthy to bottle things up. It’s ok to vent via social media platforms but there’s only so much help you can get from it.

It’s becoming more and more easier for people to open up and talk to someone as it would definitely guide you towards a healthier mindset.

Why do you think there is a stigma associated with mental health, especially with men?

Basically, it all comes down to toxic masculinity. There’s not really any other way I can put it but we grow up with the whole mentality of “boys don’t cry” and it’s incredibly damaging to our mental health.

We grow up with the older generations passing down the age old process of “be strong, don’t show weakness” and that men have to be the rock of the family. At the end of the day, we have feelings and struggles.

That’s at least what I can say from my experience of growing up. I think maybe the stigma of suicide has something to do with it as well. I’m no expert but that’s maybe a discussion that somebody else would be able to articulate better than I can.

I can only really comment on what I’ve read in terms of statistics and people I know.

How does your line of work impact your mental health and are there any examples that you’d like to share?

To be perfectly honest, it can be very detrimental to my mental health. I’ve had many situations where I’ve been bullied and pushed around by other people in the industry and it’s seriously affected me. It can be a very toxic environment at times.I won’t name these people as I don’t want to bring any attention them once this goes out and I don’t want to get sued!

I’ve had at least one situation in the past of being targeted by the workplace bully. They pretty much threw me under the bus purposefully even though they were in the wrong. I’ve also had situations where work I’ve published has been attacked and trolled by vicious commenters (usually of the right-leaning persuasion but sometimes left-leaning ones as well).

This has been on social media platforms, as well as the site itself and that can be very difficult to deal with sometimes, as anyone who creates any kind of online content will no doubt tell you. As so many people are out there that appreciate the work you do, there’ll always be the trolls and “keyboard warriors” who just go out of their way to make things difficult.

Journalism is a very competitive field and honestly, in most cases, it’s needless because unless you’re Jeremy Clarkson or Jon Snow you’re fighting over a hotdog and a handshake.

Fighting over something that’s worth almost nothing is not worth compromising your mental health and I wish I had known that sooner.

What means of exercise, techniques or activities help you in difficult situations?

I try to exercise regularly just as a point of good physical health, but I definitely think that can help with mental health as well. I also try to keep as small of a circle of friends as possible because recently I realised that I do a lot of shitty things when I hang around with other people too much. Especially if those people are actually pretty toxic.

I don’t drink or use any drugs either because I know from experience alcohol and passive weed has sent me into episodes of poor mental health. I tried typical meditation-related stuff once and it didn’t work for me at all – I just go for walks instead. I’ve never had to use medication either, at least not yet.

Just recently, I also downloaded a browser extension for Google Chrome called Bot Sentinel that shows how ‘problematic’ a Twitter account is based on its Tweets and gives it a nice easy score and percentage, with accounts that have a 75% or higher score being the super problematic ones that you should probably not interact with and also report to Twitter.

It can also automatically block any problematic accounts for you if they directly reply to your tweets. That’s been something that’s very useful when dealing with these horrible people over the internet and it’s helped take the strain off the anxiety of having people reply with hurtful and negative comments to something I’ve put out online.

You’re very passionate about music, how is that helpful in regards to mental health?

I think music can be a better way to express yourself in comparison to just talking about your problems in a lot of cases. There’s an old golden rule in writing musical theatre that when it becomes too emotionally charged for the characters to talk they start singing and I guess there’s some reality to that.

I also love quite a bit of stuff that’s emotionally pretty void or shallow though so you can totally disregard my flowery musing if you want though. So many artists speak to me on so many levels via their lyrics and emotion via their music. I think it’s very special if you can relate to the lyrics as it shows they’re only human despite being on a higher platform.

Steven Wilson is an artist that I really find helpful. He’s been in many bands over the years but his music has always been enjoyable. A lot of music his music has grasped my interest as he’s written about some very dark topics, including mental health.

Same goes with bands like Slipknot, Alter Bridge, Korn, Nine Inch Nails and so many other bands that I can’t name off the top of my head. Their songs are all about the bad times and the aggression in the way they perform the songs are their release I guess.

What would you say to someone who is struggling and doesn’t know if talking about it is the right thing to do?

Talk to a trusted friend or family member about it. If it’s too bad to manage just with the support of family and friends, there is no shame in asking for professional help.

Whilst I’m yet to seek this assistance, I know plenty of people who have had it in their lives. It is nothing to be ashamed about if you need therapy and/or medication to help you deal with something.

We’re all in this together and there’s plenty of support to guide us through. 

I haven’t known Robert very long but I’m very glad that he’s in a so called “happy place”. He’s dealt with his fair share of shit on both personal and professional capacities and he’s come out fighting. He’s a very driven person as any of his articles show.

He also appreciates that we all have our different ways of coping and he knows what helps him. Also he isn’t afraid of seeking alternatives such as meditation. Can’t help but get a “don’t knock it until you try it” vibe from him which is a fantastic approach to life.

Robert is currently a content creator for DriveTribe (a website for car enthusiasts), FoodTribe (food enthusiasts) and The Indiependent (a platform for aspiring journalists who cover music, film, TV and opinion).

As I’ve said previously he’s got his fingers in a lot pies in terms of the topics he covers in his journalism career and he’s equally as passionate in any of these fields. I wish him nothing but the best in his current and future roles, wherever they take him. I do hope I bump into him at a gig in the future as he’s a really good bloke.

I’ve also posted some links below to some of Robert’s recent work incase any of you would like to have a gander.

Thank as always for reading the blog. As yesterday was World Mental Health Day, the message is as important as it always is in realising that we’re never alone. Even in our darkest moments, help is there whether it’s on a personal and/or professional level.

Stay strong, take care and until next time I guess I’ll see you later!

https://www.indiependent.co.uk/album-review-the-ritual-king-mothership/?fbclid=IwAR1uUWrv4gDWCdHVT_YoKwj_pl5FKIo2qK9UzbhyIiacCHNcIXDqKX_i2T8

https://www.indiependent.co.uk/review-corey-taylor-cmft/?fbclid=IwAR2bQZrRb7CSAUvOQwu-F9KP9m1baWfzdwFkLXpAj72_oB7Kx04VOxkUG0E

https://drivetribe.com/p/the-grand-prix-masters-would-it-NJ7p6LABRH6DD2uYJ3ej7g?iid=TyDeA0cPR_GdZGbDv4gycQ&fbclid=IwAR1QS3yVYFd8fTvYENsNbO_9V4iqTBEknUl86z6vWzkHQYarLKC786dMmf8