Back in 2020, I wrote a piece about music but to be perfectly honest, I don’t think the post even touched the surface on how much it means to me.

There’s a lot behind my reasons for loving it and a period where I fell out of love with it. I listen to so many genres and sub genres with mainly rock (emo, pop punk, metalcore, metal, indie) as the forefront of my music taste. I also have used certain songs, albums and artists to relate to certain situations I’ve been in such as grief, joy, celebrations or even times where my mental health was it’s most desperate.

Growing up, my household wasn’t a musical family in the sense that we played instruments but there was always music being played. My older sister was a massive influence by playing Take That obsessively until they split up (sore subject), then moving onto the Britpop era by listening to Blur, Oasis and other bands of that timeframe. 

As we went into the 2000’s, she introduced me to bands/artists like Limp Bizkit, Blink 182, Avril Lavigne, Linkin Park and so many others. A lot of her CDs were handed down to me where I’d play them religiously even though some of the lyrics were a bit risque for a then 9 year old boy! 

My parents had their input too. My Dad is a huge fan of the likes of Fleetwood Mac, Kate Bush, The Police and Wings. Plus he is probably one of the biggest connoisseurs of disco music which has caused me to be a fan of the likes of Earth, Wind and Fire, Kool and the Gang, Boney M and others. 

My Mam loves Motown plus Queen, David Bowie, John Lennon and also dabbles in the disco genre, particularly the genius tunes from Nile Rodgers and Chic. The only baffling thing is my parents like Wings and John Lennon but don’t like The Beatles. That’s one thing for sure which didn’t pass on to me because I love everything about “The Fab Four” from ‘Love Me Do’ to ‘Yellow Submarine’.

Where the heavier stuff comes in is quite simple. 12 year old me was overjoyed when my parents finally got Sky TV installed as I got to watch football, wrestling, films and newer episodes of The Simpsons. Also, unlike now there was loads of music channels with one in particular that stood out, Kerrang! TV.

Through that channel it introduced me to many of my favourite bands and it also pointed me in the direction of the magazine of the same name. Without Kerrang! I may have never discovered my favourite bands such as Funeral For A Friend, The Blackout, You Me At Six, Fall Out Boy, Paramore, My Chemical Romance and so many others. I could have gone towards whole other genre entirely. Some of my friends were already into rock and its subgenres plus it also helped me start friendships with so many others. 

When you connect with someone over a mutual love of something is amazing. It’s said to happen naturally due to shared rhythms and lyrics triggering brain chemicals that build trust, empathy and a deep sense of belonging. Going to gigs with friends and seeing hundreds or thousands of people singing along is an amazing experience that never ever gets old. 

The links between music and mental health has been studied all over the world. Listening to or making music lowers the stress hormone cortisol while releasing feel-good chemicals like dopamine and serotonin. This process helps reduce anxiety, lifts low moods, and offers a safe way to process difficult emotions. 

There are also potential risks as sad or aggressive music can sometimes fuel negative moods if the intention is to isolate instead of processing certain feelings. On a personal level I use these types of music in a positive sense as a lot of lyrics based in emo/alternative music are based on real life experiences from the perspective of the artists. A lot of fans find this relatable including yours truly. 

The therapeutic value of emo music has influenced and impacted me massively for the majority of my life. Raw lyrics and the intensity show us listeners the all important message that we’re not alone in our pain. It also promotes a positive space where people can openly discuss trauma, mental wellbeing and create bonds, friendships etc as a result. 

Songs like ‘The Taste of Ink’ by The Used is an example of the values I’m highlighting. Lead singer Bert McCracken’s anguished voice captures a struggle he’s dealt with throughout his life that resonates with countless listeners. Bert has described the song as “breaking free from a monotonous, unfulfilling life, escaping a small-town trap, and chasing dreams against the odds.” It was written in reference to his battles with addiction, depression and periods of homelessness. 

The song’s powerful chorus is a declaration of survival, determination and for living out a dream. “So here I am, it’s in my hands, and I’ll savor every moment of this”. It’s cliche I know but you couldn’t help but resonate with lyrics like that. So many fans over the world have praised Bert and the band for this song which remains a staple of their live repertoire and will forever be remembered as an emo anthem that holds a special place in many people’s hearts.

Dashboard Confessional’s Chris Carrabba has also contributed to these topics. With songs like ‘Hands Down’, his songwriting and performances highlight periods where he’s experienced heartbreak and vulnerability. His lyrics speak volumes of these matters as well as emotional pain.

“I tossed and turned in my bed, I couldn’t sleep”.  Those who suffer with anxiety and similar conditions will find a rapport with Dashboard’s music as a link between sadness and sorrow. Chris Carrabba’s created a community amongst where he continues to promote open conversations around mental health and support. 

It’s more than fair to say that emo music has made a massive contribution to destigmatise mental health conversations. By openly discussing topics such as mental illnesses, trauma, therapy and recovery, bands like The Used, Alkaline Trio, Dashboard Confessional, My Chemical Romance and so many others have helped create a culture that encourages vulnerability.

Through their music, they’ve reasonated with their fanbase, especially those experiencing times where they’re grappling with emotional struggles. Another massive benefit is forming a supportive community where mental health can be openly discussed. 

A lot of these connotations can be said for the sub genre of pop punk. It’s been described as a benefit towards mental wellbeing as songs can address painful feelings like self doubt, sadness and pressure to be “fake happy”. The fast tempos in these songs can allow listeners to safely channel frustration, angst and other emotions.

The Welsh pop punk band Neck Deep have openly spoken about mental health and have promoted their music as a relatable spectrum where their listeners can feel seen, even in their darkest moments. Frontman Ben Barlow has spoken about his own struggles where he views music as a life saving outlet. 

The band’s albums ‘Life’s Not Out To Get You’ and ‘The Peace And The Panic’ provide rallying cries in the songs whilst acknowledging that anyone can experience these difficult days. By confronting these negative thoughts with positive influences there is a way to a healthier mindset. 

The band’s song ‘In Bloom’ is a massive highlight of their positive message. It uses the metaphor of a plant to capture the heavy and numb feelings which surround depressive episodes. “Stop digging it up or we’re never gonna see it all in bloom” are lyrics which argue that constant focus on the bad stuff or “dwelling” on it prevents personal growth and recovery. 

Neck Deep are further examples of just how beneficial music can be. In my experiences seeing them live or listening to their albums, and hearing the lyrics it does help me relate as well as reflect on my experiences. Songs such as ‘In Bloom’, ‘Gold Steps’ and ‘Fall’ are essential listening for me and I will always thank them for continuing to spread the message. 

Another example of the benefits that pop-punk offers in relation to mental health and destigmatising the conversations around it is the American band State Champs. Over the years, albums such as ‘The Finer Things’, ‘Kings Of The New Age’ and their more recent self titled release address personal hurdles, self doubt and the strength to move forward. Their honest and raw songwriting has created a bond with their fanbase to the point where the band themselves have even admitted how they didn’t foresee how much of a positive impact they’d have. 

Even the biggest bands in the world offer a gateway into these topics. One of my all time favourite bands, Blink 182 released ‘Adam’s Song’ in 1999, a song that was inspired by co-frontman Mark Hoppus’ loneliness that he experienced whilst on tour. He also came across a letter from a teenager who sadly took their own life. 

The song itself takes the form of a suicide note and Hoppus has since admitted that writing it helped him overcome coming to grips with the fact that he struggled with depression and anxiety. The band have always ensured the song is an anti-suicide anthem. Towards the end of the song, the mood changes to more of a sense of survival, positivity and strength.

“I never conquered, rarely came, Tomorrow holds such better days. Days when I can still feel alive, When I can’t wait to get outside. The world is wide, the time goes by, The tour is over, I’ve survived”. This reflects on a powerful shift from deep suicidal depression to survival, hope, and emotional recovery. 

I could carry on forever talking about this and I’ll probably write about it again but this is just a snippet of how important music is to us, our wellbeing and identity. Without it, I am pretty sure I wouldn’t have some of the tools I have to help me get me through some tough times. I’ve mentioned previously how I have an “anthem” to help me which is ‘Move Along’ by All American Rejects. From the my teens to my current ripe old age of 35, the song gives me a boost and puts a smile on my face whenever I hear it. 

I’ve also referenced how I even fell out of love with rock music in my darkest times. When I was masking my insecurities by drinking heavily and “putting on a front”, I convinced myself the music was sort of hindering me and was why I felt rubbish about myself. In reality I was letting the negativity impact me and I have since accepted the fact that we’re all different in terms of tastes in music etc. 

Going to concerts is massive for me. Recently I saw another all time favourite band of mine, The Blackout celebrate their 15th anniversary of their 3rd album, ‘Hope’. Now this is an album with a strong message with songs like ‘This Is Our Time’, ‘You’re Not Alone’ and ‘Hope (Scream It Out Loud)’. 

The band have always been welcoming to their fanbase and lyrics such as “Never give in, Hope is all we have and all we’ve ever known. Never fear it, But you’ve got to hear me out. So scream it out loud” are powerfully and still cause fans to quite literally scream them out loud in support of the band and their music. 

I experienced a bit of a comedown after this gig but also realised it was also due to the excitement that built up to it. The show was incredible that featured highlights of years gone past where the band had performed/met fans etc. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting the band many times and co-frontman Sean Smith’s ‘Sappenin Podcast’ that he hosts with fellow lovely emo human, Morgan Richards has helped me meet some amazing and now close friends through our love of alternative music. 

Sean and a few of the “Sapp Fam” even came to my wedding party and it still wows me that I can talk to one of my favourite musicians like “one of the boys” as he’s always been kind, approachable and a truly lovely human being. That’s further proof of the inclusivity that alternative music provides and the benefits are clear as day. 

All types of music can help us feel good about ourselves. I find the classic Earth Wind and Fire hit ‘September’ to be one of my “happy songs”. Same applies to legendary music of Sir Tom Jones. Sometimes it’s fun to get up and have a bit of a dance and enjoy this type of music. 

Anyways, I can harp on forever but it’s time to wrap this up. Music has multiple meanings to us and this particular post was written to highlight some of the benefits behind the music I love. If you ever want to discuss this with me, feel free to drop me a message. 

I’ve also provided some links to some great organisations that offer support during times of struggle. You’re never alone in this fight and people do care. 

So please, stay safe, take care and most importantly keep being you! 

Mind – 0300 123 3393, http://www.mind.org.uk

Samaritans – 116 123,  http://www.samaritans.org

Anxiety UK – 03444 775 774, http://www.anxietyuk.org.uk

PAPYRUS – 0800 068 4141, http://www.papyrus-uk.org

SHOUT – Text SHOUT to 85258, giveusashout.org 

#MentalHealthMatters #NeverGiveUp 🖤

It’s been a while hasn’t it? The last time I uploaded a blog post was in March of 2022. About a year later, I decided to step back from it as I’d gone a year without writing anything and felt my passion for writing had gone. 

I remembered a promise I made to myself on the day I uploaded my very first blog entry. What started off as making notes during times where I felt overwhelmed with anxiety and was in a dark place, it turned into sentences, then paragraphs and so on. Writing is something I was passionate about in my school days. Whether it was creatively or on a subject I was interested in, I’d lose myself in it and found a great outlet. 

It returned when I realised how the writing came about by total accident and the idea of blogging came to me quite quickly. However there was one rather major hurdle… My confidence.

Doubts filled my mind, the anxiety was raging but eventually I realised it was a new experience for me and of course the doubts would be there. I had my coping mechanisms so after some breathing exercises and a few instances were I pressed “post” and then undid it, I finally posted it and as they say the rest is history. 

Fast forward to March 2022 and I’d written 44 posts. I’d moved from writing about my own experiences and went on to talk to people who shared their amazing stories. As those 2 years went on, things changed in my personal and professional life which impacted the time I had for the blog. 

In October 2021, me and my then fiancée moved into our first home and it took a few months to get things sorted where it really felt like our place. From a professional standpoint, I was on furlough during lockdown so had more free time on my hands. I made time for it when I went back to work, using journeys to and from work as well as bits of free time to write or record content for the blog. When the house move happened, that time wasn’t there and with that my passion dwindled.

Going back to the promise I made myself, right at the start I pledged that I would never write for the sake of writing. Putting content out there that didn’t have the right effort, passion and input that someone reading it deserved. As my personal life changed, my professional one did too as I got a new job and that justifiably took my focus as well. 

I wrote a post saying I wouldn’t write for the foreseeable. I do believe in a “never say never” mindset as if it’s something that brought out a creative outlet and portrays a positive message then why not? So I left it at that and although I still used the instagram page 

In 2024, I thought I was ready to get back on the proverbial horse and even announced it on the instagram page but to say I jumped the gun was a massive understatement. Pretty much as soon as I put that post up, doubts started filling my mind and other factors gradually came into play. 

As you’ve probably guessed already, it takes a lot for me to do something. I always second guess myself and self confidence is pretty low. I guess due to it being so long since I posted anything, a few questions popped into my head. “Will people still read it? “Do they think you’re genuine?” Do they think you’re talking shit?” It got to the point where I was more or less convincing myself to not go back to writing.

I guess that plays into a negative trait of mine where I’ve always felt the need to people please. If someone doesn’t like me or a negative experience happens, I feel I have to go out of my way to be extra nice so having a negative experience like that did make me think “oh maybe this is all a bad idea then?”. 

It further fuelled the doubt and in the end I just thought for the time being, I could still share tips and positivity around mental health with the instagram page. Deep down I knew I wasn’t ready and I guessed I was kidding myself a bit. Just when things started to get better within myself, opportunities in my working life occurred as well as something out of my control that impacted one of my loved ones took importance over everything. 

May of 2024 was a rollercoaster of a month. I got a chance to go to Belfast on a work trip. I’d never travelled alone before and although it was daunting going to a new place on my own for a few days, I loved it. There was a time where I’d never have backed myself to do something like that and would have turned the opportunity down. I’m glad I did it and it most certainly was a huge confidence boost to the point where I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

Another opportunity presented itself where I had an opportunity to apply for a promotion. Once again the doubts were in my head where I felt like an imposter and that I didn’t deserve it. I spoke to my manager who pretty much told me that what I was thinking was understandable in terms of doubt/nervousness but I was more than capable of doing the job and without applying, I’d never know. 

Thankfully, it worked out and for the first time in my working life, I backed myself to the point where I got the promotion. Imposter syndrome kicked in again until I felt settled in the job. People told me that I worked hard for it and deserved it, even though I’ve always found it difficult to back myself in those situations, eventually I accepted it.

There was one factor which took massive importance over the others and to say it was personal would be a huge understatement. We always think of our parents of being somewhat superhuman and that nothing can have an impact on them. Around the time I was due to go to Belfast and where I was applying for the promotion, we got the awful news that my Mam had been diagnosed with cancer.

This is something I’m going to write about in more detail but you don’t imagine these sort of scenarios. I just became overcome with so many emotions. Sadness, worry, concern and even anger. I didn’t handle it well but typical of my Mam she kept reassuring me that it was caught early and it was treatable.

As time went on, she had treatment and she fought so much. Seeing such a vibrant, independent person like my mother struggle and hurt so much was heartbreaking. I felt awful for feeling the way I did because I felt I should have been strong and it wasn’t about me. Friends and family members reassured me saying it was ok for me to feel the way I did but typical of me, I sunk lower.

I supported my Mam as much as I could but there was plenty of times where I’d just cry. I’d sit there in my chair and just bawl. My loved ones including my Mam would tell me there’s plenty for me to be looking forward to personally and professionally but for me, until I knew she was ok, I felt like I couldn’t put myself first. 

Eventually I sought out counselling as I confided in my manager at work. I was referred to a programme in work which offers support which helped massively as I got to unload a lot of how I was feeling. The counsellor helped me realise that the guilt I was feeling was normal as I wanted the best for my Mam but at the same time I was allowed to process my emotions too. 

Over time I accepted that and also my Mam’s treatment went on to the point where she’s now more or less in the all clear! She’s getting stronger every day and back to herself which is massive. She showed so much determination and I couldn’t be more proud to be her son. 

2024 definitely had it’s ups and downs. 2025 was a year to look forward to. As my Mam was getting better, it meant the world to me as she got to witness me get married to the love of my life. I’ve mentioned before about how important Rachel has been and I dread to think where I’d be without her. In April of last year, we finally tied the knot with all of our friends and family in attendance.

Again, this is something I’m going to write about in more detail at some point, but as someone who wasn’t used to having the attention on them, I’d go through that day again in a heartbeat. Once Rach walked down the aisle all of my nerves disappeared. Everything felt right in the world and all the pieces of the puzzle felt like they fitted together.

Even the speech went well in the sense that people laughed at my jokes (probably pity but I’m counting it!), people cried at the emotional bits and I held myself together and didn’t crumble. It really was the perfect day where I got to sign the deal on spending the rest of my life with the most beautiful, amazing woman with the people who matter the most to us in attendance.

So, that’s where I am now. I’m married, in a job I enjoy and still an anxious, awkward so and so but I’m gradually accepting myself for who I am. This journey will always be educational. I know every day won’t be fine but it’s important to acknowledge the bad ones, own it and then we go again the next day. 

Coping mechanisms like breathing exercises, note taking, going for a walk, listening to music, watching a film or other means of self care is massive. If you need to call a helpline, speak to a loved one, go online for research or even to the point where you call the doctors, you’re doing the best thing because you are putting yourself first. 

You don’t feel like it at the time but you’re doing the best thing you can do. At the point where you look back later down the line and you think “wow, that was the best thing I could have done”, that’s a huge achievement because you’re growing and proving that the darkness doesn’t win. 

Thank you for reading. I know I ramble on so your patience means the world to me. Please take care, stay safe and most importantly, KEEP BEING YOU! 

@mindcharity – 0300 123 3393, http://www.mind.org.uk

@samaritanscharity – 116 123, http://www.samaritans.org

@anxietyukofficial – 03444 775 774, http://www.anxietyuk.org.uk

@papyrus_uk – 0800 068 4141, http://www.papyrus-uk.org

@giveusashoutinsta – Text SHOUT to 85258, giveusashout.org

#MentalHealthMatters #NeverGiveUp🖤